What is with the bizzare readings of these letter writers I constantly see? To me that letter (and many other of the I am perfectly happy but letters) reads like a woman complaining about a man peeing on the seat. Yes it drives her nuts and she hates it, but it is not something you would suggest she leave him over?

The simplest thing for her to do is to physically fight back and inflict pain on him. Presumably he will get the message, if he does not or if his response is to inflict pain back then there is a problem.

People have all sorts of cultures abotu tickling they develop int heir childhood and jumping all over some guy who for all anyone knows may otherwise be a normal human being just seems bizzare.

Tickling is an odd mix of unpleasant and pleasant feelings.

You say if his response is to inflict pain back then there is a problem ... If she's asked him to stop and he continues to do it to the point of pinning her down against her will so that she can't defend herself, you can't see that there's already a problem? If their relationship requires her to "inflict pain on him" in order to make a point, you can't see that there's already a problem?

Before you recommend some woman fight back, remember that when a woman gets physically aggressive, she is more likely to use a weapon and therefore more likely to kill.

If she has to physically fight to get a minimum of respect, there is no relationship.

You really don't get it. This is about respect. The guy is showing her no respect and thus she should show him the door!

No, no, no, Becephalus. What planet are you living on? The simplest thing for her to do is to TELL him, firmly, that she does not like to be tickled, that it makes her very uncomfortable, and that she wants him to stop.

The fact that she's done so, repeatedly, and the jackass is still tickling her means there's a big problem. What is so difficult to understand about that? She should not have to respond with physical force in order to get him to understand that she doesn't want to be tickled. We're talking about adults here, not children.

Becephalus, when you read several responses from different readers here, to different letters, and you find the responses generally crazy, there's only one consistent factor there. You. Sometimes it's hard to realize how fucked up our own thinking is. It takes some introspection and effort. You may want to take a couple of Advill first, but, it's worth the effort, bro. Honest.

"Becephalus, when you read several responses from different readers here, to different letters, and you find the responses generally crazy, there's only one consistent factor there. You."

Bingo!

The consensus seems to be pretty much that the tickler is at best a dick that doesn't respect her enough to listen to her pleas to stop, at worst he's in the beginning stages of real abuse.

My theory is that the guys who are excusing this behavior have done it themselves to a girl in the past, and really really want to think that 'it's just tickling, no big deal'. They don't want to believe that it is showing true disrespect to another person's boundaries to continue repeatedly once someone says Stop!

A propos: "My theory is that the guys who are excusing this behavior have done it themselves to a girl in the past, and really really want to think that 'it's just tickling, no big deal'"

Apropos, I believe you're right and I have been wondering about this myself... At best those people might be or have been bullies.

Attack the problem at its source.

Cut his fingers off.

A smart woman does not escalate a physical situation by punching or kicking a man unless she wants to have a real fight, which the man will, of course, win. She kicks him and he "inflicts pain" in response - what does that mean? He punches her in the face? Listen to what you're saying here. Any relationship where a woman has to resort to punching or kicking or biting to make her point is way out of control.

You've obviously not been in a physically abusive relationship. Physical abuse can start benignly with pinches, pushing, and holding a person down. It then escalates to more obvious abuse such as punches, hitting, and more. When this guy is sitting on top of her and she's laughing so hard from the tickling that she can barely catch her breath she might just die. The mind games that he's suggested to her indicate that the physical abuse is moving towards mental abuse. Unless this woman wants to be in an abusive relationship she needs to get out NOW. The guy's bad news.

I totally get why people are saying this woman should kick the guy to the curb; he's ignoring what she's telling him, and she herself considers the behavior abusive.

That said...

I too am extremely ticklish, and (perhaps perversely) this gives me some sympathy with the tickler; my girlfriend delights in tickle-torturing me within an inch of my life, a hobby that occasionally involves pinning me down, and while the experience is wildly intolerable while it's happening and I'll promise anything to make her stop, I can sort of get where she's coming from. The person who's being tickled is, after all, sending mixed signals while in the moment; I'm beseeching her to stop but I'm laughing like I'm having the time of my life. My reaction to her tickling, in other words, is pretty much designed to make her want to keep doing it.

I'm not above assigning my girlfriend some mild sadistic tendencies but mostly I think she considers it the physical equivalent of verbal teasing, and god knows I subject her to plenty of verbal teasing. Her assaults are embarrassing and discombobulating and frustrating, but as long as I'm able to walk away from them without passing out or wetting my pants, I'm inclined to indulge her evil predilections as long as she continues to tolerate mine. (Not that I necessarily have a choice; there's a distinct imbalance of power between the ticklish and the non-ticklish.)

I recognize too that my situation is different by virtue of my being male and the author of the letter being female, a context that throws the possibility of physical abusiveness into a different light.