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Ghost of the Fray
by Zeus-Boy
+11 Reply
One of the regular posters writing here died six years ago. He died a most painful death too, was murdered as he rolled his trash out into the alleyway behind his house in suburbia. The fatal blow came from behind and he was killed instantly. The murderer has never been found. And the poster's body was only discovered the next morning by children on their way to school. The poster was an irascible sort with extreme and incendiary views. He liked to bait others, and used whatever information he could gather to tease and taunt and piss people off. He had just left the site the very night he was killed. He had been in a heated discussion about some inane political issue and needed a breather. That's when he remembered the trash, went outside, pulled the bin backwards onto its wheels and began rolling it towards the back wall in the alley. He never knew what hit him. His last conscious thought was of his next reply to whomever he was baiting.

As I say, this poster has been dead for six years now. Yet he continues to haunt this place. He is confident nobody will ever know the difference between living words, or words emanating from allegedly living posters, and his own words which come from beyond the grave. He's also certain he will never be discovered [since there is nothing to discover] and that those with whom he feuds will never be discriminating enough to discern the dearth of those tacit cues which seem to inform the utterances of most of the other participants. He is correct in this conjecture or was until recently, and he would have continued thus were it not for a routine check of ISP's, and some cross-referencing by an astute editor/moderator, who had been informed of the poster's murder by his widow, and who had been asked that her loss be withheld; otherwise, this would never have come to light.

The same editor had paid very close attention to the deceased poster's style while he lived, because he'd received many complaints about him and wanted to learn all he could about what he wrote [and how], and why it aggrieved his many targets. The editor had come up with a theory, which isn't important here, but he did manage to pinpoint certain recurring phrases and constructions and deduced from them the ruling he planned to implement to eventually curb the poster's flaunting of the rules. He was readying himself to pounce when, lo and behold, he received the email from the widow and that finally put the matter to bed ... or so he thought?

He noticed recently, only in the past few months, that this poster used many of the same idiosyncratic locutions of the other, deceased poster. And like his predecessor, this one was really making cyber-life impossible for a slew of others. He intended to investigate further, and that's when he found this new poster's ISP was precisely the same one the older poster had been using. The editor wrote to the email he had on file, issued a few warnings. Nothing. Not a single response. Fair enough. Next step would be to ban him and freeze that particular ISP. He did this. Or he thought he did this. No sooner had he banned and frozen it but the dead poster immediately posted a new response, and this time an even more vicious and egregious one. This made no sense. He called in the tech guys. They did everything in their power to investigate, but they too were flabbergasted. They informed the editor that the ISP didn't or, rather, couldn't exist, that no trace could be found, no trail could be pursued since there were no log-ins or outs, no activity at the other end, not even a computer. It was all a very strange mystery. This only piqued the editor's curiosity.

He wrote a very cautious letter to the widow, diplomatically circumvented the matter, and the reason for it, then came right out with it and asked for some explanation as to why so much acerbity was still emanating from her dead husband's computer. She grew exceedingly angry, and afraid, accused the man of trying to spook and harass her, said she had discarded that computer shortly after his death, because 'he spent too much damn time on it', and 'if she never saw a damn computer again it would be too soon'. The editor was convinced she was telling the truth. She was in fact telling the truth. She had taken a mallet to the computer some weeks after her husband's funeral and, in a fit of wild rage, had smashed it into smithereens. The editor apologized for his call and expressed his regret for any discomfort he might have brought on the poor woman.

But the mystery continues. The editor informed his superiors that their servers were being 'haunted by a phantom poster' and that this dead person had somehow broken into their system, had bypassed all their protocols and firewalls, had skirted every barrier they'd put in place, and was even able to post when the servers were completely shut down. Once during a regular maintenance, when all posting had discontinued, this ghost was able to continue posting as if nothing had been shut down. In fact, when the systems were rebooted, the first page on at least three forums sported top-posts by this wraith, and the times of those posts indicated times when there couldn't possibly have been any activity. How could that be? None of the other posters noticed it, though it was patently obvious, they couldn't put 2 and 2 together, but then who would possibly think to question? Answer: no one would, of course. But the editor had. He proposed a few drastic measures which his bosses scoffed at at first, but then they agreed to hear him out when their programmers corroborated the story.

Nothing whatever has worked. This dead poster could not and cannot be stopped. Nothing can be put in place to prevent him from posting. But where this posting activity comes from is an inscrutable mystery. The ISP address remains exactly the same as before, yet it has no fixed location and it's not subscribed to any existing carrier. Truth be told it comes from nowhere. And still here it is, day-in, day-out, a steady stream of words manifesting themselves in cyberspace, without before or after, simply showing up, words writing themselves across the screen at all hours and always with the same tone, in the same style, with that dead man's peculiar penchant for harassing others. He cannot be stopped precisely because he is dead. Dead to all the world except these fora.

Everybody assumes he's alive, that it's a living, breathing person with whom they're engaging, but it's not so. Only this one question remains for all you posters out there still chatting and mostly arguing with this deceased anonymn: Can you tell which poster among you is dead? Do you know who the ghost is in your midst? Are you able to tell living words from dead ones? Are you that astute? literate? attuned? I'd say not, emphatically not. Actually, I can safely say here and now that there's not one single poster among you who will ever be able to identify the dead words you read. Isn't that extraordinary? You cannot put the right dead face on the words you read here every single day ... Maybe you yourselves are the dead ones. Who knows, maybe the ghost is the only live one here ... If we only knew. The only way to know for sure is to see if you can stop posting altogether ... See. Told you so.
Are you sure "he" isn't a "she"???
by topazz

A she-banshee who likes to draw smiley faces on her feces here?

hmmm

sounds like he was a windbag. I really liked the part
by MichaelRyerson
about somebody killing him and it being painful and all, and his body being found shoeless and partially under a rug...oh wait you didn't say that...never mind..
I don't believe in ghosts
by Keifus

(or editors, for that matter).

Look, the phenomena you describe have simple scientific explanations. Is a ghost really more likely to occupy a machine than it is to hover about the living? Can a ghost get much satisfaction out of haunting the inanimate?

It's well known that most of the discussions here were programmed in 1974 by a cabal of American engineers, oligarchs, defense contractors, and social planners. Intrigued by Orwell's "versificator" that he fancied could keep the proles satisfied and less revolting, these luminaries speculated that a slightly more sophisticated software would be required to keep the petit bourgeouisie occupied. (Was there room for that class in the dystopia? Newspeaked to widdle booboo? Well, Orwell didn't predict everything, and this started in America after all.) In any case, a system was built that could simulate a low level of intellectual conversation in type, which could run in an infinite loop. It's no coincidences that phrases, cadences, and patterns of "thought" appear to repeat themselves. The system was designed to continue on its own, but accomodate newcomers as well, so as to interest, and then pacify any restless breather who might happen to wander in.

The huge stacks of punchcards are still shuffling along somewhere in some back closet in a Pentagon sub-basement. As you might imagine, 25 years has got the chains worn down some, and the cards themselves have seen better days, bent up, dogeared, graffitoed, and with chads all adangle like a Florida ballot. Stains from coffee too (and less savory things), and there was the time in 1982 when Pvt. Jarvis wandered in, knocked one of the boxes over, and just shoved the cards in willy-nilly, and hurried away when he thought no one was looking. Trolls getting crazier? Just entropy, my friend. I think it's amazing that the machine has held up this long.

You may of course wonder why I, of all posters, know so much the internal workings of the great contraption. Well, it's been....lonely down here, and fucking Jarvis, those bugs will never get straightened out. If it's any consolation, I'm sure you're real. I'm real too. Dammit! You hear me, I'm alive! Stay away from that plu--

Coming soon to a Fray near you...
by Sarvis

BOTF II: the bloodbath

[SCENE: a fraternity party at a local dorm begins to deteriorate as some participants mysteriously disappear and others return, apparently transformed into zombies. Some of the frat members decide to investigate]

MR: I need to go into that closet.

Audience: Don't go into that closet!!!

MR: I have my reasons...

Audience: but don't you hear the music? That's the expendable cast member music!!!

MR: I'm going in...

[An Insane Clown in a hockey mask strangles MR with a mouse cord]

Schmutzie: I know a place where we'll be safe; it's an abandoned farmhouse near here.

[Remaining frat members discharge a fire extinguisher out into the hall as a diversion and then slip out through the dorm room window]

Schmutzie: we ought to be safe here, at least until dawn.

Schad: I have had a bad day, I think I'll go over to the dorm and lie down.

Audience: Don't go back into the dorm!!!

Schad: Fuck you audience.

BOTF: Ok Schad, we elected you prom queen.

LAM: [Bucket of blood falls from the ceiling] Noooooooo, I'm the prom queen!!!

[Slashing and munching sounds ensue, followed by a loud burp]

Sarvis [coming down from the farmhouse attic]: I know what you did last night.

Audience: Fuck you Sarvis.

MR [now a zombie]: I need to go into the basement.

Audience: Don't go into the basement!!!

MR: I have my reasons...

[Slashing and munching sounds ensue, followed by a loud burp]

MR: It's only a flesh wound.

[Door bursts open, JackDallas Enters brandishing a chain saw]

JackDallas: ZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKK­KKKKKK!!!

[Unidentified minor actress, probably a waitress who slept with the director]: hey you... you... you get out of here, you meanie!

JackDallas: ZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKK­KKKKKK!!!

GreenEggs: I know, maybe if we read some Robert Service poems, they'll go away.

JackDallas: ZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKK­KKKKKK!!!

Freditor: I am selling this farmhouse to a nice young couple with a new baby; you have thirty seconds to move into the barn.

Audience: Don't go into the barn!!!

[CLOSING SHOT: The barn is surrounded by zombies who are lurching their way towards the remaining frat members, who are holed up in the hayloft discussing Nietzsche. Cut to JackDallas sharpening a lawn mower blade in a vice]

JackDallas: I sure do like them french fried 'taters....

A fitting Halloween tale
by RonB52

But I'm confused about one thing.

He wrote a very cautious letter to the widow, diplomatically circumvented the matter, and the reason for it, then came right out with it and asked for some explanation as to why so much acerbity was still emanating from her dead husband's computer. She grew exceedingly angry, and afraid, accused the man of trying to spook and harass her, said she had discarded that computer shortly after his death, because 'he spent too much damn time on it', and 'if she never saw a damn computer again it would be too soon'. The editor was convinced she was telling the truth. She was in fact telling the truth. She had taken a mallet to the computer some weeks after her husband's funeral and, in a fit of wild rage, had smashed it into smithereens. The editor apologized for his call and expressed his regret for any discomfort he might have brought on the poor woman.

(Emphasis added by me.)

Does this paragraph describe one communication, or several?

(Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Re: Coming soon to a Fray near you...
by artandsoul

Love it! "Cept one minor quibble.

"Schmutzie: we ought to be safe here, at least until dawn."

I think she capitalizes her name. :)

Does Jarvis
by artandsoul

use the nic "Alfred"?

Boo!!!
by Isonomist
I need to go bob for an apple now. Thank you dearest!
Wait!
by greeneggsnham

I only read Theodor Geisel poems!

Then who was that Robert Service poem-reading "greeneggsnham"?

Eerie.

Duh!
by greeneggsnham

Schmutzie's name is capitalized.

Pay attention to detail.

Re: Wait!
by Sarvis

Artistic liberty on the screenwriter's part. Gotta take it to the level of the audience, you know.

Dawn
by Sarvis
Yowza. Good eye. I missed that opportunity. I need an editor.
Sounds like one of Ensley's Fraybarn parties, thanks.
by SpeakerNancy
+ 20. And if you feeling like returning home at any point, Sarvis, I'll make sure that Jack unplugs the chain saw. Btw, these people are killing themselves; they don't need any "Visitors" to do it for them. Happy Halloween!
you missed the transition.
by Isonomist

She grew exceedingly angry, and afraid, accused the man of trying to spook and harass her, said she had discarded that computer shortly after his death, because 'he spent too much damn time on it', and 'if she never saw a damn computer again it would be too soon'.

Clearly she called him up in a fit of pique after receiving the letter and ZB was sparing us the obvious cliched frogwalk through the minutiae of her day.

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