I think by now we are all familiar with the Dear Prudie 'psycho/loser boyfriend' meme. Let's have a "dear Prudence' letter writing contest. Here is the opening sentence:

"Dear Prudence:

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except......

<take it away from here!>

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except......he denigrates and stereotypes women on discussion boards!

except......that horrible bastard likes to touch me and make me laugh when we are playing around in bed!

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except he pees on the floor and likes to sit naked on my new suede couch afterward, plus occasionally throws me out of moving taxi cabs. Should we continue with our plans to marry?

.....he insists that I help him dispose of the bodies.

.... when the moon is full, the hair grows like crazy on his arms and legs and he gets nervous. He takes me home early and I don't see him for a couple of days. He won't answer his phone and I know he's not home because I have a key to his apartment. His mother and brother are the same way - I can't find any of them when he's gone. Then there's Halloween - I can't ever plan on going anywhere with him.

Dear Prudence:

"...the fact that he sacrifices goats in the middle of the living room during dinner parties is a bit troublesome. It's not just the screaming of the goats themselves, but the entrails and blood and general disruption of conversation.

Oh and his night terrors and bedwetting seem to be getting worse..."

...he's actually a 62 year old woman. Should we go ahead with having a baby?

"Dear Prudence:

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except......

... He has me in this cage where he feeds me chilled monkey brains and snake surprise and apparently wants to drop me into a pit of lava after ripping my beating heart out of my chest. But my question is, does this slave-girl get up make me look fat?"

swedenyc:

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except......he denigrates and stereotypes women on discussion boards!

Honey, is that you?! I'm not fooled, we've been married almost five years!

Anyway...

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet, and wonderful man, except...I can't keep up with his bizarre fetishes! Lately he's taken to smearing Nutella on his unit and coercing me into anal sex, saying he wants to be Kobe Bryant and "once you go black, you never go back."

He has this coworker, big African-American guy, used to be a linebacker at a Division II college, and I've half a mind to bring him home and show my boyfriend that he can shove his Nutella where the sun don't shine and turn his hazel nuts to blue balls. Am I being unreasonable?

Signed, Dropping the Soap in My Domestic Prison

pooham:

.....he insists that I help him dispose of the bodies.

Psh, I see nothing wrong with that. It's good to do activities as a couple.

He is a sweet and wonderful man except...he enjoys taking his 14yo daughter to bed with us. At first I wrote it off as a one time thing, but now I think he expects it. His daughter is an adorable girl, but I just don't feel too close to her and get the feeling she resents me in his bed. Is this just a teen phase? As a potential mother-in-law, should I be concerned? How can I connect with her more? I asked him about it once, but he just told me to get back in the basement and put my tinfoil hat on.

..when he twists the heads off of kittens. It is getting so expensive to get new kittens, and the people at the Animal Shelter are starting to look at me funny. Should I try to get him to switch to rats or hamsters, or just call it quits?

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is kind, sweet and wonderful man, except ...

He likes to play footsie with his sister under the table. It would creep me out, but he has this HUGE JOHNSON that I love to talk to his sister about, which I think is why she continues to flirt with him at family gatherings . Sometimes he will pin me down with it and tickle me until I can't breathe. At times I can't breathe in part because I don't change my bra for weeks at a time and it can get kind of funky, but most times it is due solely to his tickling. I explained to him that it makes me feel out of control of my body when he pins me down, but he says that I should be used to it after my affair with my college professor and advisor in which he threatened to hold my career down unless I performed various sex acts. Is this relationship salvageable?

Dear Prudence:

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except......he won't friend me on facebook. Is that wrong?

Oops stole that one. Here is one of my own.

Dear Prudence:

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year. He is a kind, sweet and wonderful man, except......he still plays with his GiJoe in the bathtub. This is not a nickname for anything it is an actual GiJoe. This really bothered me when we were at a friends house for a sleep over and my friend saw it as he was leaving the bathroom. Should I worry that our children will be messed up?

best one yet stateoflove_N_Trust!