One idea you didn't mention was that perhaps Mother-in-Law might not have enough income to live on and therefore eats her fill while shopping. Many years ago when I was a cashier in a grocery store several ladies on welfare, some old, some with small children would eat a banana or an apple, the manager never said a word and we were told not to either. Nowadays especially money is tight and prices are rising all over, here where I live a box of Ritz crackers went from 2.50 up to 4.50 in one day. I earn a nice salary and was floored at the jump in my grocery from $300 a week to almost $400. So without any more arguing, I agree a neurological workup (being in that field in the first place) is ideal, her insurance may not cover it (most have problems getting approved) and second if there is a neurological problem check into being a guardian of her finances to ensure she is financially secure.

Damn these freeloaders. They should inject RFID tags just under the skin of the apple.

Nah, just have a scale in the front of the store that you weigh in to enter and leave!

They also have bathrooms. If you're taking a particularly ... ah ... long time in the bathroom, you may be able to come out ahead if you play your cards right!

Dang, Spacey! You are one savvy shopper. You got those double coupons beat all to hell! ;)

PhysicsGirl:

Nah, just have a scale in the front of the store that you weigh in to enter and leave!

Good thinking, PG, but with a lot of women, you're going to need at least 6 security guards to wrestle them onto the scales. (I'm talking about their reluctance to get weighed rather than their enourmous weight btw).