I am a 26 year old mother of two, ages two and four, and married to my husband for 5 years. I began to resent my husband when my first child was almost two. I am not exactly sure why I resent him and why I have so much anger towards him but I do know that I am not satisfied with how he treats me as a wife and his ability to be a husband and father to my kids. He has become better with the kids, but only after he realized I wanted to leave him. His actions, or lack there of more importantly, drive me crazy. He does not take up for me when his mother pulls her crap (long story), he takes me for granted, never make me feel secure, I do everything on my own and he says that I owe him everything because he worked while I was going to school. He gives me absolutely no credit and I feel worthless around him. No, he is not the worst man in the world but for some reason I feel like I am mentally abused by him but I cannot pinpoint how he is doing this to me, if he is at all. Last year I began to have an affair on him with a friend of mine, which I never thought that I could do, especially since my mother did this to my dad and it almost ruined their marriage. I was in my last semester of internship and stressed, tired, exhausted with a three year old and an 8 month old baby and doing it all on my own. I started to receive text messages from him that were flirty and that complimented me and made me feel pretty and wanted. I knew it was wrong but I thought that if it was only texting that it was harmless. Well, one night a big group of us all went out and my husband went out with his friends. Well this one particular guy went out with all of us that night and we of course were drinking. At one point during the night he pulled me back and kissed me and this caught me off guard. I told him that it could never happen again even though the relationship excited me and made me feel good. Well things were ok for some time and then the texts started again and before I knew it I was making excuses to get away to see him and we were in a sexual relationship. He wanted to marry me and he bought a car that would fit my kids and his two kids, he told me he loved me all the time, and said that he wanted me to leave my husband for him and when I did not he said he could not take me being with him anymore and said that we should go our separate ways until my husband and I split up. Why I could not leave my husband I do not know. My husband caught us in this affair twice and each time took me back. I do have feelings for this other man but there is always something keeping me from leaving my husband. Is it my kids? Stability? I am very happy when I am around this other man and we have the same views on things, enjoy being with our children, etc... My husband is now hanging on to every thread he can and begging me to stay with him. If my husband did not react that way then I know we would already be divorced. I feel horrible for doing this to my husband but at the same time I cannot deny my feelings for the other man. What do I do? Does this other man really have feelings for me? I am confused.

It is impossible for anyone here to give you any semblence of a rational answer as you have presented only one side of the issue. The side you have presented however does NOT paint you in a flattering light and I would argue that might be part (if not the majority) of the issue... namely your lack of self esteem. The way I read your letter is that you are very unhappy (likely feel crummy about YOU), feel your husband is the reason (a common default reason) and that this new guy "makes you feel excited and good" (immature...especially for someone with two children to take care of).

Get your act together...realize that you, yourself have major issues and work to correct them. Only then will the relationship with your husband (who is a saint to want you back) get better. Work on being a mom to your kids and leave the other guy behind... God knows that if you end up with him he will do the same thing again with another woman!

This is a pretty old tale but it truly starts with YOU.

Are you sure you're 26? You sound like you're in junior high. Quit screwing around, become a friend to your husband or leave. There is no other option. The guy you're messing around with is never going to leave his wife. If you stick with him, you'll just have something else to whine about. Your husband deserves a better wife than you can ever be.

And learn what the words paragraph break mean.

Unfortunately we don't sympathize with cheaters here..

Hmmmm. Another poster with no post history, from the perspective of a woman trying to get her life in order, on a Monday night. Sounds like our weekly fake from the staff. What say you guys? I mean, the M.O. is getting better The language is rougher and it's via an article link instead of directly into the DP Fray, but still...

But it still has the same clueless flavor, doesn't it? And the same old topic of dysfuntional relationships quagmires.

Can we have a really spectacular fake letter? I'd like one involving alien abductions, zombies, and vampires. It's Halloween after all. Man, it doesn't even have to be real vampires. Vampire poseurs will do.

Dear Prudy,

I am married to a wunnerful man who is a great father to our two kids. Recently, he started reading the Twilight series that our daughter is so crazy about (she's 13) and now he wants to dress up like Edward and wakes me up at night by standing at the foot of our bed and staring at me. It's really creeping me out. He's researching vampires and reading vampire fan-fiction. I have the most disturbing feeling that any day now he's going to ask me to dress as Bella and pretend to suck my blood. This is so not my thing.

Can I ask him to stop? What if he finds himself another Bella to seduce? I'd like to stay married, but how do I do that while being true to myself, and without hurting my husband's feelings? Do you have any advice on how to keep from laughing when your spouse does something really ridiculous that he thinks is sooooooo cool? He can be pretty sensitive sometimes.

signed

Don't wanna play Bella

- Don't wanna play Bella, try:

"Honey, your little vampire thing was fun. Really. But I'm kinda sick of it now. So lie still for a second while I drive a wooden stake through your heart..."

but it does look to me like you are starting a pattern of cheating on and leaving people just to do it again. I think your parents behavior left an imprint on you that you're now passing on to your kids.

So the choice is yours: work hard to break the cycle or kick back and put it on auto-pilot. Just be ready to take responsibility for either.