If the siblings truly have inappropriate boundaries with one another - is it possible there was sexual abuse when they were growing up, or were they inappropriately exposed to sexual situations? Children who are inappropriately exposed often go on to act out sexually. This may have continued into adulthood for these siblings. In any case, if the girlfriend, in her gut, feels that something isn't right here, she is right to question it.

Who says their boundaries are inappropriate? Only the LW. If the fiance is Italian and the LW English, the LW might find a married couple holding hands in public to be inappropriate, while the fiance might hug everyone in sight.

I find it more likely that the LW had had sexual abuse in her own family, and sees predators under every rock. Or maybe she's just getting cold feet and is trying to justify to herself breaking up with him.

Playing footsie under the table? Come on! That isn't even close to normal in any modern culture I have heard of!

The problem is with the phrase 'playing footsies' - what exactly does that mean? Heck, the other day I slapped my little sister on her butt because she was being a brat (I'm 32, she is 24 ish). Somebody could report that I was 'playing with her butt' and we'd all have a field day with that, even more so if I had been a brother instead of a sister. But I assure you it was a 'cut the crap kid' slap and nothing sexual about it. Some families just touch each other because they are close, not warped.

SusanM:

the other day I slapped my little sister on her butt because she was being a brat (I'm 32, she is 24 ish). Somebody could report that I was 'playing with her butt'

That's hot.

As they say on fark.com

"pics or it didn't happen"...

Pervs :P

I rub my brothers' and sister's backs and give them hugs and we never fight and we confide in each other and if anyone dares to tell me to change, I would be seriously offended. Just because you had a sucky relationship with your siblings doesn't mean you should try to interfere and make mine like yours. I will admit, our parents were abusive, physically and verbally but not sexually. We had to learn to stick together and get along to form our own minifamily within the bad family and it's still that way. We have to be there for each other.

While what you say is very plausible, the alternative is even more likely. I am separated from my husband and the separation was largely due to the revelation that he had an innapropriate relationship with his only sibling (a sister). I understand so much more now. I always felt like I was the other woman in their relationship when we were first dating; yet, by then, she had declared that she was a lesbian. Today, she admits that she was deaply hurt by the men in her life (her father being one of them). She has never disclosed anything inapropriate where her father is concerned, but the hatred in her voice spoke volumes.

For years, I questioned their on again/off again relationship and could not understand what she had over him. She would threaten him, but I could not deficir exactly what hold she had over him. He decided the best thing to do was to cut her off altogether and insisted our kids were never to be left alone with her. In fact, he was very upset when I met her for lunch with one of our kids one day.

I asked him to leave after I found him too many times asleep in our daughter's room and because he absolutely refused to get any help about what I consider a very painful part of his past. It had to be painful...otherwise, why would he tell me about it 10+ years into our marriage?

Since he refused to get help, for our children's sake, I went to talk to his sister to ask if she wanted to be part of a healing process (for both of them). First, she was very strange about the whole thing and then wanted to know more about what he told me before she would sign-on to do anything. At first, she agreed that they needed to get help, then she refused to have any part of it and no longer calls or wants to know how I or the kids are doing.

My instincts were right to ask my husband to leave because he had began a grooming process with our daughter (isolating her) and missing his way to our bedroom and ending up in hers. I noticed that she would put a body pillow on one side of her bed and when I asked her why, she said, so that she could hide behind it. I know now that she put it there as a way to tell him not to lay down next to her. I want to believe that he is too sick to know what he was doing. My responsibility is first to the physical and mental well-being of my kids. He still refuses to see them unless I agree to unsupervised visits (He cannot see them unless the visits are supervised by a therapist).

I immediately sought the help of a therapist for my daughter and my worst fears were confirmed...She was too scared to tell me that her father was touching her innapropriately when he would fall asleep in her room. She was scared he wouldn't love her and worst yet, that I would blame her for what was happening.

My husband was forced to tell me about what happened with his sister because he was tormented and she was going to come clean to everyone or so she claimed at the time. Maybe it was just another way to get under his skin.

I asked him to leave not because of the relationship with his sister (as sick as it was), but because he refused to do anything about it. He needs help and had I not done something, my daughter was next.

I share this with you all because...if something seems off...it is because something is not right...Question it, always. Your life or your children's life may depend on it.

DeeDee12: "While what you say is very plausible, the alternative is even more likely." The alternative is more likely because you have had an experience with sexual abuse in the family?

Seriously. I mean, what's wrong with giving your sibling a back rub? I have a sister who is always asking my to scratch or massage her back. I have another sister with whom I am very close with and we frequently link our arms together. If she's confiding something to me, I will hold her hand because it puts her at ease. My mom did the same thing for me; it's a reassuring gesture, not a sexual one.

I can't say that I would play "footsie" with anyone from my family, but different families have different dynamics. It's probably something they did as children and have continued to do as they got older. The fiance and his sister probably don't realize that their behavior could come off as inappropriate to others (read: LW).