The more the LW from Chicago talked, the less I liked her. And if she'd simply read her own letter, I'm pretty sure she'd see where her problems are coming from.

"I am in my mid-20s and have been blessed with success, wonderful family and friends, and a great relationship with my live-in boyfriend of three years."

Also, she graduated with honors from Lake Wobegone High. Too bad none of that has anything to do with her problem. But, I'm willing to accept on face value that she's also totally hot and that she makes more money than any of her friends (though they are all safely above average).

"...he likes to spend virtually all of his free time with his family in the suburbs"

It could be she's just trying to say they live a long ways away...or maybe she just needed to make it clear that she's one of the totally cool people who lives in the city.

"(luckily, I'm like you, Emily, and I don't put much value in superficial holidays and anniversaries). "

But, she just had to mention it, anyway.

"I have a feeling that she dislikes the fact that I often skip out on family events altogether, which I do..."

So, family is big to them, yet she doesn't want any part of them. Shocking that they haven't hit it off.

"Also, do you think my future with him is doomed because I want to create my OWN family with him, not simply procreate to expand his?"

But if she sticks with him, they are going to be her family, too. And it's only fair to question where this whole "my OWN family" thing is coming from. She bragged about her great family and family is HUGE for him; that doesn't sound like either of them is opposed to marriage. Yet, despite living together, it sounds like the big M hasn't come up in three years. Why is that? And do you think that just might have something to do with his family not really bonding with her or taking her seriously?

You've hit the nail on the proverbial head. She is NOT interested in his "lower class" family (especially since they haven't bent over backwards to honor her when she deigns to grace them with her presence), and would prefer it if he would forsake them for the "new and better" family he would have with her. I would say it's not a good match.

I have a family member (now an ex family member) that always put HER family before ours. Most holidays and occasions did not include them because HER family came first .... period. They are divorced now.

His spending all of his time with his family means that he is DRIVING for one to three hours to see them every chance he gets. I don't know where you got the idea that going to the 'burbs was just a little hop, but there are "suburbs" of this town that aren't even in the same state as the city he lives in. If he insists on going there every weekend, that means that he and the LW have no weekend. They're either in the car or she's being shoved in the corner with the deaf aunt because no one else wants her around.********* ************ ********** *********** *********** ************* ************ ************ ************ ************ ********** ************* As for families that demand the presence of their "kids" at every opportunity, well, those are bleak and ugly places to be associated with. NO ONE is ever truly accepted by this type of person. Everyone is an outsider, and if they could force all of the cousins to marry each other, they would. They make a special point of making anyone, including spouses KNOW that they don't belong and never will. ******** ********** ********* ********** ********** ************ ********** *********** *********** ************ ******* ********** *********** ********** * My father's family is like that. There were seven siblings. They got together at every opportunity, and this amounted to the siblings being in one room having "family time", and all of the spouses and children (well, the ones that didn't look like Dad's family, anyway) being ghettoized in the kitchen. Blame attaches to the spouses, too - they tolerated it for YEARS before some of them finally had enough. The LW needs to RUN and find herself a man who isn't afraid to live like a man and cut the apron strings.

gonna have to disagree that there is TMI. Usually the problem is that there isn't enough information to go by. This one laid it all out on the line.

I didn't read so much into her letter. I thought she was was trying to be clear that she isn't anti-family and that the holiday issues wasn't the main problem for her. As for going out to the suburbs, I assume it is just a distance issue, even a 20 minute drive (modest estimate for leaving the city for the suburbs) adds almost an hour to any visit. It isn't as if he is just popping down the street for 10 minutes, he is driving a distance and spending an extended amount of time there.

The amount of time he spends with his family seems excessive. Every other day AND weekends?

Does anyone want to spend every other day with someone else's relatives, even if they are the nicest best people on earth? Maybe she just wants to relax and spend time with her boyfriend alone and not have to be "on" around her faux in-laws. It must be getting in the way of other activities and relationships they could make.

I think her once a month visit is perfectly acceptable-if his family lived out of town, they might only see them once a year. Why does their close proximity mean that she should be forced to spend every free moment during the week and weekends with them?

Of course, some people (perhaps those without a family of their own) might like this constant visits with someone else's family but she doesn't. Since he has been like this for years, I can't imagine this is ever going to change and stop being an issue. She needs to find someone who has interests outside of his own family.

Sundown, I think you've got her pegged although I also think if he spends all his free time except nights (that is, sex) with them rather than her, he is not the man for her to plan spending the rest of her life with, because he's a package deal, and she doesn't like the extras.

Terrils:

I also think if he spends all his free time except nights (that is, sex) with them rather than her, he is not the man for her to plan spending the rest of her life with, because he's a package deal, and she doesn't like the extras.

Oh, she might have a legitimate problem in there (though when I read her description I thought of the Kennedy clan getting together and sailing and playing football on the beach) but it's hard to take it seriously when she spends half the letter bragging about how great she is. If things are that great, why's she writing an advice columnist?