I can't believe how complicated people are making this situation. There are solutions that are even bizarre - Never take her eyes off grqndma, weigh similar produce, watch grandma's every move and collect candy to match, expalin, explain, explain to a cashier who already has a pissy job and now you're making it pissier, explain how to charge for something that you don't want and some of it isn't even there and now she has to PUT BACK ALL THAT CRAP THAT JUST GOT PILED ON HER COUNTER..

Sheesh.

Did you read what the daughter in law said?

"It causes me great stress... should be a pleasant day for us. "

She LIKES her M-I-L. She VOLUNTEERS for the chore because she wants to be with her. This is just too stressful, too painful for her.

"Mom, I love your company and it's always nice to chat and enjoy passing the time with you but... I'm terribly uncomfortable with what you are doing. We've talked about it and not reached a solution that is good for me so I'll just dfrop you off at the door and wait out here for you. I have a good book so you don't have to hurry. If you need one of those ride about disabled carts to make it easier I'll go in and get it for you. Then after you're done with the shopping we'll go have lunch and chat and both of us will be happy and satisfied."

Two adults neither is a boss and neither has to conform to what the other wants.

No, elderly certainly does not mean imbecile. But lacking the inhibition to keep from stealing and not understanding why grazing thru the grocery store is wrong might be a sign of the onset of dementia. Not every elderly person has dementia. 3 of my grandparents lived to their late 90's and were sharp as a tack to the end. But some elderly people do loose their mental capacity, and loosing social inhibitions could be a sign of that. Or, this granny may have all her wits, and just simply be a jerk that does not consider grazing to be stealing. If that is the case then your advice is sound. If MIL is loosing it though, no amount of reasoning is going to make a bit of difference in her behavior. DIL may want to see that MIL has a thorough physical checkup, and then come up with some other type of outing where she won't have to worry that Granny will steal, like a walk in the park.

I agree.

Dementia can be a very touchy subject and just calling up MIL's doctor and asking for an appointment may not be that easy. *I* wouldn't know how to go about it especially if MIL isn't cooperative.

Too bad Son can't take Mom shopping one of these days. I've a feeling that if dementia isn't the problem the shoplifting would come to a complete halt for that trip to the store. If it is dementia Son is the responsible person, along with other siblings who should be notified immediately.

But if it isn't dementia, MIL is into a power trip over DIL. More fun for MIl than it is for DIL. Maybe she's bored. Replacing the shopping trip with something else might be a very good idea. It could solve the boredom, too.

Since LW is the DIL, why doesn't she discuss it with her HUSBAND and let HIM deal with his mother.

Didn't the OP say something like "she just thinks it's funny" -- The old lady doesn't care! She's gleefully getting away with theft.

I'm with everyone who says the old bird should shop alone or send the lady's son or whatever. I would not like to be out with anyone who was willfully breaking the law.

Sounds exactly like the sort of trip my own mother would pull on me (similar exasperating stories) and who, at 71 years, does NOT yet have dementia as an excuse.

I am the OP who thinks it is funny. I can sooo picture my granny (God rest her soul) pulling a stunt like this. I would never say to another adult (even my own children) don't do this or don't do that. They are adults. If this were new behavior I might ask what is up with that granny? But I would never deign tell her what to do or not do. BTW - just because I think it is funny that granny does it does not mean that I condone or engage in the same behavior myself. I just believe that adults are aware of the concept of consequences. If not, well then being arrested might cause the needed medical/mental capacity evaluations to take place in a more natural sequence, and it would be way more effective than me trying to convince granny to not do what she wants to do. Also, my experience with people who feel out of control of their choices is to make choices they feel they can control - even if they aren't good ones.

This is a FAKE letter anyway, so don't worry yourselves over it.

The same day that this letter was posted, there was a thing on the news where a grandmother was suing the store and the police for arresting her in front of her grandchildren for what she called grazing. Then they spent the next 10 minutes interviewing customers and store owners about shoplifting and ways to prevent it.

I learned that, here in Australia anyways, it is illegal to post a picture of a thief on your "wall of shame". It would be an invasion of privacy. Some store owners are doing it anyway.

There are lots of unenforced laws. In Texas, there actually is a law prohibiting customers from taking carts out of stores themselves. This apparently was to keep customers from doing what they often do, taking them far from the store, and either dumping them or using them for their own tasks, like holding firewood in the backyard. Additionally, in spite of all the "[store] is not responsible for damage to cars" signs posted in parking lots, they really are liable for damage done by their equipment. So if only store employees take them out, the store can be sure of the carts returning.

But stores found out it's easier to let guests carry out their own things. And it's cheaper, since most people believe the signs in the lots, or decide it's not worth the trouble to go after the stores. Those few who complain may even get their car fixed, if they complain enough.

Algaechild, great point! The first and best line of defense should always be the spouse dealing with their own parent.

In Prudence place I would have also suggested the option of having the store manager having a little chat with the MIL to explain how grazing isn't just innocent fun but is in fact stealing.

You tell the store manager and that "little chat" he has might be with the cops. Even parents are being advised nowadays NOT to make the children return things they shoplifted, because of zero-tolerance policies.