I sure hope I don't live to be 80. If I do, I hope no one around me listens to this kind of advice.

Old lady steals candy. If she's eating it while in the store, it's probably not much candy. Maybe $0.25-$0.50 a trip? On the upper end, with a weekly shopping trip, that's $26 a year. How dreadful.

In order to teach an 80 year old a valuable lesson about morality, Prudie advises threatening to isolate her (she can't drive herself), and then actually isolating her if she fails to comply. Damned thieving old people! Lock them up, in their own homes!

Hopefully when Prudie becomes old and dependent she can be on the receiving end of a family member punishing her for being naughty.

This weeks' letters bring some eye-popping problems, not like recent Prudie pablum letters. Maybe things are looking up around here. The Prudie advice even reaches toward the pushy end of the spectrum. Go for it!

Turkey Vulture:

In order to teach an 80 year old a valuable lesson about morality, Prudie advises threatening to isolate her (she can't drive herself), and then actually isolating her if she fails to comply.

When my uncle tried to tell her that she didn't need a new car (hers had been t-boned in an intersection by someone else) and that he or someone else in the family would drive her whenever she needed to go somewhere, she told him:

"Son, I love you, but don't you dare try to tell me what I do or don't need. You can either take me to get a new car or I will call a taxi and not bother you any further. Your choice."

She had a new car that afternoon.

So if anyone, particularly one of her DILs tried to pull that, she'd have just said, "That's fine." Then she'd have called a taxi or take the senior's bus.

I think the daughter should just tell the check out person that the mom ate one peach, a banana, and 0.25 ounces of bulk candy and pay for it. I have often done this when my children were very small and I found one of them eating something they shouldn't have or if we dropped something (or threw from the buggy!) and it broke before we made it to the check out.

If her mother is eating bulk candy, she just needs to write down the code for that candy bin. If its a fruit, the person at the register will have the code. If they are stopped by a security person before they get to the register, she can explain that she has kept track of the codes and she will pay at the register.

I'm not sure the problem here is the worry about theft, so much as this is a power struggle between the mom and daughter. The daughter is annoyed that she is providing this service for her mom and she will not respect this one request that she is making. The daughter needs to let it go. It's such a small thing and easily rectified. It's also very likely a lot of fun for the mom to see the daughter so uptight about it. It also occurs to me that the mom might stop taking things once the daughter starts paying for them because it won't be fun anymore.

I have a friend who swears that it's 'absolutely ok' to take a piece of bulk candy to 'try it out' before buying. It's interesting to go grocery shopping with her.

One grocery store I used to go to with my own grandmother when I was little had a coin collector on the bulk candy bin so you could put in a dime for taking one piece. I used to love putting in my dime and choosing the candy. I don't know why more stores don't use them.

A bit condescending of the elderly, aren't you? Tell me, at what age do you believe older adults are no longer able to understand proper behavior? I don't imagine you know very many. I'd find you a real bore, with your superior attitude, looking down from your youthful age patting adults on the head like they are three year olds.

It might surprise you to learn that most eighty year olds do not like thiefs any more than most younger adults.

There are solutions other than treating adults like they are befuddled and condoning shoplifting is not one of them. Drop Mom off with a smile and stay outside the store reading a book while she does her shopping alone is the simplest one.

I would prefer to follow her around while she does her shopping. Then, after she does not pay for the candy, yell "THIEF" at the top of your lungs and point. Tell the manager to check out the cameras to see her eating the merchandise. Make sure to call the writer on the crime beat for the local newspaper and provide him with a recent photo as well.

So its ok to steal so long as you don't think the amount is that much? If the amount isn't that much, why not just go ahead and pay for it?

I agree, you are very condescending. I wouldn't go to the store with a thief no matter how old they are, and that means elderly folks don't get an automatic pass for their age.

(I think the very young child gets a pass because they are not really a thief - just somebody that doesn't have it all figured out yet)

If you pay for it it's not stealing. So just have her pay for it at the register and get over it.

IphigeniaGoesShopping:

I have a friend who swears that it's 'absolutely ok' to take a piece of bulk candy to 'try it out' before buying. It's interesting to go grocery shopping with her.

Well- I do that too. Mainly I just want to make sure the stuff is not stale before I buy it. Sometimes the stuff in the bulk bins turn stale or soggy. Is it theft? Maybe- but I think you need to take into account the intention.

That is, that Granny has ALWAYS done this - for fifty years or more. Even larcenous and nasty people get old, you know. The fact that no one noticed the shoplifting before only means that the old bird used to go shop(lifting) alone.

Where is the MIL's son in all of this? Maybe he knows if mom has always "grazed". Maybe he is the one who needs to address the issue, or start taking her shopping. It's his mother, after all.

"A bit condescending of the elderly, aren't you? Tell me, at what age do you believe older adults are no longer able to understand proper behavior? I don't imagine you know very many. I'd find you a real bore, with your superior attitude, looking down from your youthful age patting adults on the head like they are three year olds."

Yes, because telling her to behave properly, and threatening her with punishment (no more drives to the store) is not the least bit condescending, and is nothing like how you'd treat a child, right?

tkc:

Turkey Vulture:

In order to teach an 80 year old a valuable lesson about morality, Prudie advises threatening to isolate her (she can't drive herself), and then actually isolating her if she fails to comply.

When my uncle tried to tell her that she didn't need a new car (hers had been t-boned in an intersection by someone else) and that he or someone else in the family would drive her whenever she needed to go somewhere, she told him:

"Son, I love you, but don't you dare try to tell me what I do or don't need. You can either take me to get a new car or I will call a taxi and not bother you any further. Your choice."

That's all well and good until your parent needs you to make the decision, because they cannot any longer, but they don't really understand that they cannot. It aint funny then, as I'm sure many people here can attest.