sincerely. all of them - the people dying of cancer in this story.

but maybe we aren't good at dealing with death because we've worked so hard to isolate ourselves from it. people go to hospices, so they won't be a burden on their next of kin. death is something you encounter in a phone call weeks or months later. ("he passed a little after 1am" we are told. "Did he die peacefully?" we ask. yes . . . they tell us, because we don't really want to hear anything else)

my uncle had lung cancer. he was 62. he'd led a hard life - chain smoker, too much alcohol, 3 wives, estranged from his kids. he was starting to turn his life around when he learned he had 6 months to live.

he drew it out to 18 months. he wanted to see his next grandchild born. nobody knows how he hung on that long. reconciled with his adult children. he was living with his brother when diagnosed. getting sicker and sicker. the option to put him in a hospice was discussed.

a miracle happened - the dying man's ex wife said she wanted to care for him. he needed the sort of round the clock care the brother (who worked full time, and had a disabled wife as well) was unable to provide. so she took a leave of absence from her job for those 3 months, and the brother paid her salary out of pocket to live with them and care for her dying ex husband.

if was gruesome. he was down to 70 pounds, and virtually unable to breath when he died. but not in total pain - he'd had oxycontin prescribed in large doses.

the ordeal was hard on the man's 3 nephews - sons of the brother who had rescued him from the streets when he was was homeless but not cancerous yet. A 13 year old, a 9 year old, and a 7 year old had to watch their favorite (only) uncle john waste away and die.

but i dont believe these 3 nephews (now late teens and young men) will ever allow a blood relative to die in a hospice surrounded by strangers who provide the kind of care that should come from family.

nobody who's cared for a relative right through death would ever mistake it for a good outcome. but being estranged from death is a worse outcome, possibly.