Unless I misread the letter, aren't both children calling the same woman "Nana"? She's his wife's and her brother's mother, right? Both children have the exact same relationship with the woman, so I would think it would be less confusing that they both call her "Nana". Of course the fact that they're even bringing it up suggestions they're kind of nutty to begin with.

Yep, you misread it. It is complicated, and I had to write to down to figure it out so I could tell you.

Both kids are referring to a maternal grandmother, but different ones.

LW's is speaking of LW's wife's mother.

LW's wife's brother's child is speaking of the mother of the wife in that pairing.

Both are maternal grandmothers, but with different maternity playing the deciding role here.

Hope that helps.

There's me.

There's you.

We are not related except by marriage (you married my sibling).

I have my mother and father.

You have your mother and father.

My mother and father are also your spouse's mother and father.

We both have children.

The complaint is that your child is calling your mother "Nana" and my mother (your spouse's mother) "Grandma" while my child is calling my mother "Nana" and my spouse's mother "Grandma."

Thus, my mother is being called "Nana" by my child and "Grandma" by your child. Here's a diagram to help:

GF1 = GM1 GF2 = GM2 GF3 = GM3
| | | | | |
--------- --------- ---------
| | | |
LS = LW SI = BL
| | | |
--------- ---------
| |
DA SO

GF1 = Letter-writer's spouse's grandfather
GM1 = Letter-writer's spouse' grandmother
GF2 = Letter-writer's grandfather
GM2 = Letter-writer's grandmother
GF3 = Brother-in-law's grandfather
GM3 = Brother-in-law's grandmother
LS = Letter-writer's spouse
LW = Letter-writer
SI = Letter-writer's sibling
BL = Brother-in-law
DA = My daughter
SO = Your son

The complaint is that SO is calling GM2 "Grandma" and GM3 "Nana" while DA is calling GM2 "Nana." The complaint is that having GM2 called "Nana" by DA while SO reserves that for GM3 will somehow damage SO.

My granddaughter is the first grandchild in both parents' families, The parents called me grammy when referring to me in front of the child. When she was about 16 months old, when I showed up at the house, she would say Dabby. Finally, we figured out that is how she, unable to pronounce certain consonants at that age, was saying grammy. So everyone started calling me Dabbie. Within a short period of time the father's siblings produced offspring, and now they all call me Dabby, as do all the other small fry in the neighborhood, as well as their parents. This is not confusing to anyone except adults who are not aware of this scenario, and think the kids are referring to a house elf.

mudrost:

Yep, you misread it. It is complicated, and I had to write to down to figure it out so I could tell you.

Both kids are referring to a maternal grandmother, but different ones.

LW's is speaking of LW's wife's mother.

LW's wife's brother's child is speaking of the mother of the wife in that pairing.

Both are maternal grandmothers, but with different maternity playing the deciding role here.

Hope that helps.

Ahhhh, now I get it. Thanks for clearing that up for me! :-) With that in mind, I still think the "Nana/Grandma" thing should be a non-issue. People can be so ridiculous sometimes.

I think my brain just exploded.

Algaechild86:

I think my brain just exploded.

A great day for the DP Fray! We've blown up someone's brain! Yee Hah!

Now, to the research: what were the qualities of the explodee's brain? How quickly did the explosion occur? Can we trace the actual elements of explosion, i.e. what were the direct causes, or do these remain amorphous? Input, require input!

My cousins called our common grandmother "MeeMaw". We found that hysterical, since we'd never heard anyone called that, and it sounded so much like "Hee Haw". That is one of the few euphemisms for grandmother that I will forbid.

Anyway, isn't it up to the grandmother to say what is acceptable to call her? If she's good with one called her Nana and the other calling her Grandma, the middle generation needs to shut up.

I still don't get why it's such a problem for the 3 yo to hear the term Nana applied to two unrelated persons, but hearing the term "Mommy" applied to two unrelated persons is ok.

Does the BIL want the LW's daughter to stop saying "Mommy" too? Afterall it could be confusing to the BIL's child.

@Rrhain: is there a way to edit your post? Because: GF1 =/= Letter-writer's spouse's grandfather. GF1 = Letter-writer's spouse's FATHER. If it was the letter-writer's spouses' grandfather he would be the great-grandfather of the children in question and it would be his daughter who was Nana not, as you have it written, his wife. Also, not to be nitpicky but SI =/= Letter-writer's sibling. The letter writer doesn't mention his sibling(s) at all, the people in question are his wife's sibling (brother) and spouse(wife). You could change SI to the BL's spouse to make it a true statement. That's a much quicker way than writing SI=LW's spouse's sibling's spouse, which is also correct. BL then of course would be Letter-writer's spouse's sibling which doesn't change his title because there's more than one way to earn the tile of a-hole umm I mean Brother-in-law. I didn't bother mentioning that GM1, GF2,GM2,GF3 and GM3 are all mislabeled too because I figured you infer that from GF1. I really hope this made you laugh and you don't think I'm a smart ass (even though I am)

ps...how do you get spaces in your post?

IncogNeato:

My cousins called our common grandmother "MeeMaw". We found that hysterical, since we'd never heard anyone called that, and it sounded so much like "Hee Haw". That is one of the few euphemisms for grandmother that I will forbid.

Ha! We used to call our grandma like that. Well, it sounded like that, but it was actually "Mima", which is backwards for "Mami", which our equivalent to "Mummy". For us it didn't sound weird at all.

But yeah, it's up to grandma to decide how she wants to be called. And it's not a big deal anyway. Brother in law is an idiot.

Can we all just be glad that the child is not calling the grandma something actually offensive? I'll never forget when my nephew used to say "Grandma you're fat!" Granted, he wasn't suggesting her name was 'Fat' but I'm sure she would have taken any variation of Grandma over any suggestion of fatness.

Same nephew calls me Kiki, which my mom started. Now the second born wants to call me Kiki too, but the mom tries to have him call me by my name instead, to no avail. In this case, the 3 yo DOES hear the 10 yo call me Kiki and wants to do the same. The mom finally gave up and now I get to hear the delightful giggly shout of "kee-KEE!" everytime I visit. Which brings me to another point. Say the LW's nephew decides to call this grandma "nana" as well... SO?

Re- "mee-maw", my stepmom refers to my dad as "pee-paw" to their little wiener dog (e.g. "Do you want to go sit with your pee-paw?")... Gets me going every time.

My friend calls her Grandmother Nona. For a long time I thought that was her name until once she said 'my Nona' then I figured out it was a title cuz I'm swift like that.

I'm still surprised that none of the parents in question turned to the grandmother and asked her what she wanted to be called?

One of the first things I did when my daughter was born was inquire with each of the five grandparents (one step-grandmother) to see if there was any overlap. There wasn't and we have one each of Gran, Grandpa, Nanna, Poppa, and Amma. Even if there had been, we would happily have appended a first or last name as the recipient wished.

The kids will figure it out, really.