This whole series has been gripping and moving. It's so comforting to be invited into a community of grief, bonding around deep truths that can somehow be shared through story and gesture despite their being, in the end, private and unreachable. I was especially struck by your expressed wish not to recover, to hang on to your grief--because your grief held your mother close. I know that feeling. My mother died many years ago, and I still search for that grief, knowing that if I find it I will find her. And I write abut her endlessly. I also know that grief makes others uncomfortable. When they say, "How are you doing?" they want you to say "Fine," because then they can move on, too. Children know this and aren't afraid to say so. When my mother died, my 6-year-old nephew asked, "When is everyone going to stop crying?" "Maybe never," I said. If I may, I'l like to recommend another particularly moving blog about mother loss: miaatmidlife.com. Like yours, this writer's grief is still fresh and evolving. Thank you so much for sharing your story.