I think it's nice for the parents to save and pay, or at least contribute to, college expenses. Or culinary arts school, or photography lessons, or heating/air conditioning school, or whatever it may be. But I don't think it should be expected.

There are lots of ways to pay to go to whatever school you want: scholarships, grants, working, loans.

I put something aside for my kids every month. They'll each have something, but it certainly won't pay Ivy League tuition, well, not more than one quarter!

Speaking from bitter experience, I think parents do their kids a grave disservice by paying for the kids' college education, at least if said parents don't apply similar standards that the scholarship/Stafford Loan boards do.

When I was 20 and immature and more interested in getting laid than getting educated, my mom paid for me to go to college. I treated my education with disdain and disinterest, applying myself in business courses and blowing off (and repeatedly dropping, at my mother's expense) core requirements. I ultimately dropped out because I had no dog in the fight, emotionally speaking. My mom wasted several thousand dollars on my dilettantism.

Fast forward to 2008. I got fired from my job at a bank (yay recession and financial meltdown letting a boss settle old scores in the guise of "cutbacks"!) With my chosen field not hiring at any price, I talked it over with my wife and said "I think I'll go back to school." I started in May of this year with student loans, which basically say "get this right or I'll be utterly ruined financially if I fail." Put a genuine penalty for failure in there, make it so I can't just drop classes I don't like---I have to work through them and get respectable grades lest my financial aid get cut off---and boom! Recipe for success. Of course, it helps that at 32 and happily married I have a more mature outlook, but I wasn't a complete idiot at 18---if I knew there would be genuine penalties for failure I would've gotten college right the first time.

When (if) I have my own kids someday, I will tell them "I will pay for your education, but let your GPA drop below a 3.0 and the gravy train's over. Drop a class and you will pay me back what I paid for your tuition and books, plus interest." I hope I will have kept my word and backed up my threats for my kids' first 18 years so they'll understand that actions have consequences, and they'll get the best of both worlds; a young adult life free of student debt coupled with a sense of responsibility and purpose.

My parents told me that if I got into Harvard they'd figure out a way to pay for it. Well, I didn't bother to apply there, but I did get to go to the college of my choice. Part of figuring out how to pay for it involved me getting loans and a campus job.

I think parents should at least chip in — generally it is their income the FAFSA forms consider for financial aid, not what their kid can pay. But I think anyone who gets a higher education should be partially responsible for paying, too.

I also think the cost of higher education is a crime these days. But that is kind of a whole nother story.

MD, I recently graduated from college back in May. My parents paid my tuition bills every month (with the help of scholarships) and me only having to pay for text books and other school-related supplies. I have zero student loans to pay back. Did I squander my education simply because I wasn't paying for it? Hell no. Okay, so I wasn't a straight-A student, but I got at least B's in all my classes. Do I have a job now? If retail counts, only because the economy decided to crash right before I graduated, so no one in my field is hiring right now. But I don't feel like I'm any less successful just because I didn't pay for anything. I've always been the nerdy bookworm type, all throughout my life. That's not to say that I didn't struggle a little in the beginning (with issues that were out of my control - like a little bout of Depression) - but I still got myself on track with their help without any threats.

Depends. If the parents can afford it, it would be "nice" if they can pay for a state-college education or at least contribute toward it. However, if the kid is able to get scholarships and grants to offset it, they certainly should. I don't think the parents should put their own financial security or that of other dependents at stake for the sake of the kid going to college. Many, many people foot the bill themselves, even if they get it older than their early 20's.

However, if the kid wants a private college education or makes no effort to assist himself toward paying for it, tough. He needs to cover the difference between what he wants and what they can afford. And yes, this is true even if there is a court-ordered mandate to pay for the kid's higher education. I think the parent would be within his legal right to pay the equivalent of a reputable state-supported college, and let the kid make up the difference to go to an Ivy league or similar school.

Even if someone has to get an employer (including the military) to pay for it, they are ultimately the one benefitting from the additional education. Graduate work should always be on the kid (or his employer, if he can get them to pay for it!)

AC, all I can say to that is that you're a lot more mature for your age than I was a decade ago. Your parents must've raised you well; I and my mother are no longer on speaking terms thanks to our mutual distaste for each other's personalities and her (gods bless her) multiple failings as a parent (and mine as a child, I'll admit, but still...the buck has to stop somewhere.)

Shouldn't the answer here be , in part, dependent on the type of student you have as a daughter/son? If you happen to be lucky enough to have the option to kick in money for tuition, I for one, would like to have seen some initiative and success in high school with some type of plan for the future. Of course this doesn't guarantee anything but I certainly would be reluctant to throw money at "Nothing better to do" community college with a prospective major of "who the hell knows?"

On the other hand an Honor Roll student who showed enthusiasm for learning and had definite goals would get my help everytime !!

fourleaf:

Shouldn't the answer here be , in part, dependent on the type of student you have as a daughter/son?

Good point fourleaf. But regardless of the type of student your daughter or son is, I think they should at least be learning to be a productive member of society. I think my kids will go to college. They talk about college with me and their father. I stress that they should take a variety of classes their first few semesters and then focus on what most interests them (that they could make a living at as well).

But I have always told them that if they didn't feel college was for them I would still support them in learning a trade/profession. That's why in my original post I added trade schools, etc.

Appreciated -- definitely. Expected -- absolutely not. My parents had some small savings bonds for me that matured in time for college. While they would have liked to help me out more, they are just not in a financial position to. I started at a community college and paid out of pocket (myself, with the help of those bonds, and I did work between two and three jobs most of the time).
I didn't apply for financial aid until I transfered to a state insitutation -- I don't know why I didn't, that wasn't very smart. I guess I thought I wouldn't qualify, or that it would be too much of a hassle. Anyway, I qualified to get my entire tuition paid for by my state's grant (parents income isn't very high and at the time I applied, my sister and brother both started college) so next semester I will be graduating completely debt free. I am extremely lucky. And while I do not mean to sound conceited, the fact that I had to work to pay for all of my books, I paid my apartment rent, paid some tuition ... it gives me some sense of pride and accomplishment. Of course I wish I could have used that money for fun and games, but if it was the only way for me to go to college, so be it.
I have noticed that -some- students who have their entire bill paid for by their parents have had similarily compromised "life lessons" (parents pay for everything else, too). Parents should want the best for their children, but sometimes the best is letting the child do it themselves.
I am outraged at tuition prices, though. It is unfortunate that anybody should have to be saddled with tens of thousands of dollars in debt from school (unless we're talking medical school) but that's a whole 'nother story. So, that was a very long answer -- simply put, parents if they can, pay some. But the student needs to seek out grants and financial aid to bring the cost down. And as a side note, the age being 24 for financial aid dependency bugs me.

it costs something like $150K to go to Harvard per year. Normal students pay around $50K; the college pays the rest. But if you're dirt poor and real smart, you pay $0 and the college will foot the $150K.

hmmmm....

The phrase of the day seems to be "whole nother"

(only because two people used it!)

Hah! Didn't catch that. I think my brain pulls out phrases I like and compulsively tries to use them regardless of how many times they've been said already ... didn't mean to steal it :)

Fourleaf, sure it helps set the tone when the kid gets scholarships and knuckles down. For kids who are not going to get anything out of college other than a wild time, it might help those kids to have to take a year or two of flipping burgers to help them focus.

FWIW, I was always a focused student, earned scholarships and kept my grades up. My brother lasted one semester in college, during which he became a campus party legend. Guess which one of us got the most help/money/support from the parents? Yeah, him. I think with kids who consistently eff up there is kind of an overwhelming sense of, "OMG my baby's leaving the nest and he has no life or study skillz! Overcompensate! Overcompensate!"

I got lucky. My father taught at the college I went to, so tuition was free. I did, however, work to pay for my own place to live and all my other expenses. Fine, my father and grandmother handed me a few bucks once in a while, but nothing to write home about. As we used to say, "It's at least enough for a gumball or two, eh?" I worked hard and did well, and ended up paying off my stupident loans early, on my own, thank you very much.

Now, sadly, I have new ones from my second Master's degree. $44k and rising. Time to get a new job, but they don't quite seem to grow on trees they way they did back in the day.

I dropped out of an Ivy League college after one term. I was young, in love and engaged, and terribly homesick without any support system nearby. I did get very good grades. I ended up getting married and having kids.

Funny thing is that after having kids I wanted to go back to school. My ex got me started. I went part time at night at the community college. In one of my classes they were begging students to apply for a scholarship being offered for full tuition for full-time students who could maintain a 3.5. (It was getting close to the deadline to apply and nobody had!) So I applied, got it, and started to go full-time. When I transferred to main campus the scholarship carried over. College didn't cost me anything. My tuition, books, gas (main campus was 75 miles away) and day care were paid for by scholarships and grants.

My point is get your kids (or yourself MD) to apply for those scholarships and grants. It can be a pain, but they really help a lot. Especially if you are lucky enough to get one that is good for a couple of years.

(dang, was looking for a good spot to use "whole nother" in there!)