A few thoughts:

1) Exercise time is definitely personal time. My husband watches the babe when I work out and I do the same for him. While it is possible to take a kid running with you (provided that they are still stroller sized), it's just not safe to do weight training (for example) with a toddler on hand.

2) If it's 3am and the baby is crying and wants to be nursed - you feed the kid! This is not about who has to go to work in the morning, it's about fulfilling the basic needs of a child. How is this even a question? Better yet, tag team the issue. Dad gets up and changes the diaper while Mom gets ready to nurse. Everyone participates, no one holds a grudge, and the child is cared for appropriately.

3) WTF is heirloom bacon?!?

Excellent post.

They should consider the kid's needs. Why anyone would even think about this as someone's duty is beyond me. Do what has to be done and STFU. Sheesh.

And I don't know what heirloom bacon is but I suspect it's trendy and five times as costly as any other.

krene208 wrote "This is not about who has to go to work in the morning, it's about fulfilling the basic needs of a child. "

Yes, it is. If full-time working Dad loses his job due to poor performance from lack of sleep, the life-line of money for the family is in jeopardy. Mom can always nap later in the day. Dad can not.

Though, this is certainly not a question with breast-feeding, stay-at-home Moms. Dad has no milk supply. That is what Mothers are for.

krene208:

2) If it's 3am and the baby is crying and wants to be nursed - you feed the kid! This is not about who has to go to work in the morning, it's about fulfilling the basic needs of a child. How is this even a question?

For the record: I work, my husband stays home with our just-over-one year old, and I do nurse the baby when he wakes up at 3AM because it's the fastest way to get everyone back to sleep. That said, even Dr. Sears agrees that babies this age (the authors' younger son is also a year old), as opposed to newborns, don't actually need to eat in the middle of the night, so it's OK for Dad to put them back down if Mom is beginning to resent nighttime nursing duty.

Respectfully Ian, you either must not be a parent or must have a job so unrealistically demanding that you can't survive, having to get up just a few times a night. I say this being the mother of four children, all of who my husband has gotten up with at night to help out with. He did this while we were in University (where I needed to get up to go to class as well-- yet neither of us seemed to fail out due to the arduous demands of both being accountable for our children at night), and while he has worked his way up to now being the lead manager on his project team.

Again, I suspect that you must not be a parent, because the idea of a mom napping regularly and for any real amount of time, ‘later,’ is pretty laughable. Do you ever wonder when all those dishes get cleaned, the clothes get washed and folded, and little 'Jimmy,' who is old enough to not take naps anymore gets help with his math homework, while his kid sister sleeps? Ohhh yes, it's when the mother 'can always nap later.'

Regardless of who has the milk supply a father is more than capable of helping out several nights a week so that his wife can also get a decent amount of rest. Because the sad fact is, if she doesn't get enough rest, his excuses will really run out when her milk supply dries up, and he'll be more than able to take his turn with the bottle every night.

The notion that a man is not responsible for such basic need of his children, merely because he must go off to work in the morning and his wife stays home is antiquated and laughable in such a largely enlightened society. It's time for men to start stepping up and be real men. Because trust me, when we 'stay at home mommies' get together, it's not the man who actually helps out with his kids that we are all ragging on. No, those are the real men, in our eyes.

My husband and I are both lawyers and I'm presently on maternity leave with our second child. I've got to agree with Ian on this one, at least while I'm on leave. I am dealing with the baby's needs at night while I'm on leave. Ditto laundry, dinner, etc. Why? Because I'm on leave! Aside from the napping issue (which is true when the kiddies are little, but is less so as they get older), being at home with the kids simply isn't intellectually demanding - I can be spacy and tired and do it. Writing a brief? Not so much. So, my husband gets to be the well-rested one for the time being. When I head back to work next month, we'll go back to 50/50-ish division of labor and both suffer.

Then lets also get rid of the antiquated notion that stay at home moms don't have to also earn income for the family. The notion that a stay at home mother cannot help out making money, merely because she is taking care of the kids at home, is antiquated in such a largely enlightened society. Those stay at home moms need to step and and do their fair share or else all us working dads get together and rag on them.

Thank you Erica C. My wife and I had a similar division of labor when our kids were born. I sure as heck would pitch in when at home, but the majority of the duties went to my wife, particulalry the middle of the night stuff, because I had to get up and go to work and she was at home all day.

There is a difference between having to get through a work day (outside the home) on little sleep v. being at home with the kids. Both are work, but outside the house you have to meet a certain expectation. At home, the parent is effectively the boss, so there isn't someone watching and evaluating your performance. I was a trial lawyer back then, and going to trial looking or acting fatigued simply was not an option.

That's not to say I didn't help out in the middle of the night at times, but again, my wife did the lions share because she was staying at home and it was never an issue between us. We both knew that if the roles were reversed and I was staying at home, I would've been doing the majority of the night duty.

RE: Hazelnut

Thanks for your insight. I also have a baby just over 1, and my husband and I both work out of the house on flexible schedules. (He's a graduate student, and I work half in and half out of my office at a software company.) In my original post, I was thinking of dealing with a younger child - one who may not sleep through the night consistently. You are right in saying that older babies usually don't need to eat in the middle of the night (I would make exceptions for those experiencing growth spurts).

With older babies (yours, mine, and the author's) we're more likely to have to calm a child who woke with night terrors or is sick or teething. This is not an every night sort of thing, although often more time consuming than a simple feeding. Rather than worrying about whose turn it is, these are times when BOTH parents need to suck it up and help out as they can. If the kid is sick, have one parent soothe while the other hunts out the thermometer and tylenol. With night terrors, maybe you both put up with having the child spend the rest of the night in the parent bed. If one or the other has an important meeting in the morning, it's okay to take a minor role in the middle of the night stuff (we've all done this), but be there to show support of your partner and your child. At least in our house, a team effort makes these things run more smoothly for everyone.