Hey there shippers! How in the heck are you? Listen, I’ve heard there’s been some rule changes around here? Apparently we aren’t supposed to write or speak in the way we’ve become accustomed over the last several years in this forum. This makes me pretty sad, I must say. As a result, I’ve noticed a number of frequent posters have abandoned top-posting with their own advice column nom de plums. After today, I’m going to follow suit, but, for today, I’m going give a very abbreviated, hopefully within-the-new-rules Submariner column to see how it goes.

LW#1: I lied to my boyfriend about my past sex life. Mainly because that sex life occurred with my past professor/current advisor. I’ll lose my boyfriend if I now tell him the truth. What should I do? See that first sentence wherein you lied? Don’t do that. Don’t lie. Especially about the past. That’s your past. Your current boyfriend/husband/whatever has absolutely no dominion over your past. At all. It’s none of his business. Tell him the truth and, if you lose him, chalk it up to a learning experience about how not to lie!

LW#2: My wife and I have a 2-year old daughter who calls her grandma “Nana”. My wife’s brother and his wife think their son has claim to that name. They’re getting testy. What should we do? Listen dude, they’re (butt)holes. Plain and simple. Big, huge (butt)holes. Treat them like (butt)holes and put them behind you. Does Nana protest the name? Nah, didn’t think so. There’s your ammo.

LW#3: My boyfriend’s dad’s new wife has told my boyfriend’s younger brother that he should not “be selfish” like my boyfriend and their older sister in picking expensive colleges and then working in cruddy jobs. My boyfriend wants to confront the gold digging wench. What should he do? Well, first off, that’s your boyfriend’s business, not yours. Why isn’t he writing? Second, what’s he going to say to her, “You’re wrong! We work in great jobs?” That just justifies her. What ought to happen is dad ought to grow a pair. Engaging this woman only empowers her. Little bro should go wherever dad is willing to send him.

LW#4: I went to a bachelorette party that I feel I paid too much for. Yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, other unimportant details, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. What should I do? Nothing. You’re an idiot. Shouldn’t have paid in the first place if you couldn’t have afforded it. If you could afford it (and you did), then you just learned a lesson. Or not. Your choice. Idiot.

****

Well shippers, that’s it. Sorry, but those are the rules. Apparently there’s a new sheriff in town and I’m not even sure if what I’ve written will fly, so, why risk it? If you want more (not saying you do), you can always find me here: smagboy1@hotmail.com, and I’ll give you some new navigational charts to what I hope will stand in for the old waters. ;-)

What happened? I noticed the postings were sparse in the last few weeks, and chalked it up to back to school or in my case, end of the fiscal year.

What new rules?

Rules? There are rules?

Nobody tells me anything.

If you can't post to the Fray to bitch about Emily, there's no point reading her in the first place.

BTW: I think the Nana issue was not that the cousin had dibs on the name, but that the cousin used the name for his OTHER grandmother, and would be disturbed hearing LW's offspring using the name with their mutual grandmother. Easiest solution: kill one of the grandmothers or one of the grandchildren. I'm offering the coin for the toss to determine which of the lot is offed.

BIL can suck it up. Both kids, it sounds like, are within a few months of age of each other. Either his kid hears Grandma #2 getting called by Grandma #1's name, or the LW's kid has to start calling someone by a name other than that she is used to hearing. Tell the BIL that if his child will start calling the LW and spouse "Mommy and Daddy" and the child's own parents "Aunt Mary" and "Uncle Ben", then the LW's child will change what she calls the grandmother. Just to avoid confusion, naturally.

Thus saith the Sage, who can be reach via the Oracle @ Oracle.DelFly@gmail.com.

SmagBoy1 et al, you will be missed.

Hey, Marc... I'm with Fitz. JEALOUS! I'm sitting here with a head cold, it's raining outside, and I can't even taste my coffee. Sigh. However, you can contact me at onemessylady@gmail.com to get the whole skinny.

Smags, I missed you!

Will somebody please reveal the details of this ominous-sounding "rules" development so that we can protest? Surely it's not intended to make people stop reading--which is the effect it's going to have if the best posters are gagged.

Here is a good place to start:

<link>

And then just a skim through the rest of that Fray might finish it up.

Well, Diving Buddy, it looks like our last swim together in these choppy waves and hostile depths. I'm happy to navigate with you to friendlier waters and a new and welcoming Lagoon.

SmagBoy1:

Apparently there’s a new sheriff in town and I’m not even sure if what I’ve written will fly,

I'm not sure if it will Fly either, but if anyone else would like to join Mermaid and find out, you can contact me at mermaid3363@gmail.com. ;)

[Insert cuss words here]

Everyone, I'm so sorry. Especially for me, since I just arrived at this party, and all the cool kids are leaving. I'll be a fangirl about it and contact you individually if I must, but it might be better if someone posts a map to those friendlier shores--wherever they turn out to be. I'm sure I'm not the only one casting about for a life preserver.

If one posted a map away from Slate, it seems to me that'd be one of the first things to be deleted. Probably better to just contact a poster and get an individual delivery of a map :)

Now that's the kind of thinking I come around here for. Thanks!

Well that's a shame. It had become my Thursday morning routine to read the DP column and then see the (considerably more interesting and amusing) Smagboy Smackdown.

Bad form, Moderator. Bad form.

I'll be surprised if this thread lasts the day.