Jesus, you people need to chill the hell out when it comes to herpes. Comparing the risks of herpes to sex offenders, being HIV positive, and even other more 'serious' infections like chlamydia or gonorrhea (which are usually wiped out with a single prescription of anti-biotics) reveals the pitifully low education about sex and sex related infections in this country.

The funniest part is that a little less than half the people who commented on this board, calling that woman a liar and a whore (maybe the former, not necessarily the latter - did you know you can transmit oral herpes to your genitals without ever having sex, and that the biggest growth in herpes related to the genitals is in fact oral herpes? Science is fun!) are themselves infected but don't know it. Pot, meet kettle.

And there's no reliable blood test, ya bunch of hysterical ninnies - the only way to know for sure is through an outbreak.

So please people, chill the hell out.

PS: For those 'save the children' crybabies out there - if a woman goes into labor with a herpes outbreak, a routine C-section is the proscribed course of action. Any competent doctor would be able to recognize the symptoms and make that call.

Not true!! C sections lessen the risk for sure as do anti-virals but the mom's at greatest risk are those that do NOT know they even have a Herpes infection!! They have never had an outbreak but then do so when they are in labor (a stressful period for sure). The primary outbreak is by far the most contagious to a newborn and is often NOT detected by an OB during labor/delivery. Since they have never had an outbreak before they obviously do not tell their OB as there has never been an issue. Since the lesions are often internal and a speculum exam is required to see them, the primary outbreak is often missed clinically. Believe me it's still a significant cause of newborn mortality and morbidity and not the "easy call" that you state it is!

"Proscribed" = Forbidden.

She is a liar and is really engaging in bad behavior. I agree, herpes isn't that big of a deal. But to some people it is. She knows that it is a problem (that is why she is lying) and yet she goes ahead anyway just so that she can get what she wants. That is selfish and immature. The fact that people should go ahead and accept the risk does not remove their right to informed consent in the first place.

Compare it to being a vegetarian - if somebody accidentally serves a vegetarian something with animal in it (its in a lot of places you wouldn't imagine!), well no real harm done but they should be educated to make sure it doesn't happen again. But if somebody deliberately sneaks in a little animal then that is asshole behavior. In the same way, somebody accidentally spreading herpes should be educated but somebody deliberately sneaking around to do it is just an asshole.

But if somebody deliberately sneaks in a little animal then that is asshole behavior

i like your vivid descriptive powers. next time i'm serving my veggie friends i'm sure to sneak in a chipmunk or two

Also, a c-section is not nothing.

My mom used to sneak deer into my food all the time :P

SusanM:

She is a liar and is really engaging in bad behavior. I agree, herpes isn't that big of a deal. But to some people it is. She knows that it is a problem (that is why she is lying) and yet she goes ahead anyway just so that she can get what she wants. That is selfish and immature. The fact that people should go ahead and accept the risk does not remove their right to informed consent in the first place.

Compare it to being a vegetarian - if somebody accidentally serves a vegetarian something with animal in it (its in a lot of places you wouldn't imagine!), well no real harm done but they should be educated to make sure it doesn't happen again. But if somebody deliberately sneaks in a little animal then that is asshole behavior. In the same way, somebody accidentally spreading herpes should be educated but somebody deliberately sneaking around to do it is just an asshole.

I totally agree. Obviously the woman sees herpes as a big deal or she wouldn't lie about it, and even if she didn't, it's not right to assume that it wouldn't be a big deal to everyone. Yes, I think it probably does drive some men away, but if she gets as many men as the letter writer describes, it shouldn't be that much of a problem that one of them will be willing to figure it out. And no, it's probably not as "serious" as some other STDs, but if someone lied to me about that I'd wonder whatelse they are hiding. On top of that, where do you draw the line? If it is morally acceptable to lie about herpes, then it's basically a go-ahead for everyone to lie about HIV and anything else.

And yes I have heard that oral herpes can be transmitted to the genitals, but that also means you have to worry about oral sex as well, which I would guess is far more common than it was in past eras. Many people don't think of the health implications of oral sex, which I think is a big mistake.

Nothing quite like a routine C section for fun and frolic.

SusanM:

My mom used to sneak deer into my food all the time :P

• you just called your mom asshole
• were you able to tell?
• little animal? what was your mom's idea of a big animal?
• this is a great idea for a new product, "I can't believe it's not venison!"

this reminds me of the time a guest at my barbq, who was in the process of turning strict Orthodox Jew, was munching away at my smoked pork sausages, suddently turning pale and asking me what was in that sausage. looking directly into his eyes i said "chicken and beef"; he almost cried in relief. i do believe i saved a soul from endless torment that day. plus an extra sausage for me.

I've called my mother a lot worse things than asshole. She is a certified psychopath with no concern for anybody but herself and a violent streak to make things interesting. So, you know, asshole isn't so bad :P

Sometimes I could tell, or at least have a strong suspicion. See the violent streak though - I wasn't challenging her.

Jesus. to think i was pissed off at my mom for no worse than feeding me boring food :)

oh yeah, the horrible gefilte-fish on Passover, that was a real nightmare, don't laugh. trust me, you'd rather eat whole Deer

I would think that any sensible man in this day and age would be using a condom. You lie down with dogs (sluts that you don't know very well) you get up with fleas. it is a lot like visiting a hooker. Same risks. They would be lucky if all they got was herpes as opposed to 18 years of five hundred dollars a month for child support. Isabel.

Isabel1130:

I would think that any sensible man in this day and age would be using a condom. You lie down with dogs (sluts that you don't know very well) you get up with fleas. it is a lot like visiting a hooker. Same risks. They would be lucky if all they got was herpes as opposed to 18 years of five hundred dollars a month for child support. Isabel.

You can get herpes even if you use a condom.

Sensible men and sluts? As a woman, you should be embarassed.