It sounds to me like he just doesn't want to go to day care and is associating the putting on of the jacket, something he does every morning before he has to leave, with the going to day care ritual. But I have no idea how to fix it. I go through it a bit, too, with my son and would love advice! How do I make the separation easier for him?

Some kids are especially sensitive to certain clothes. The jacket might be really uncomfortable for no reason we can understand. I'd let him pick out a new sweatshirt (or two), maybe with favorite characters. Also, I agree with Prudie on the control issue. Some kids behave better when given the chance to make more decisions for themselves.

I agree with LanaXZR here. There is no way we can really know what offends the kid about the jacket, but it is so not a fight worth fighting. My kids frequently chose garments they despised, for reasons I could never figure out. Sometimes it was an entire class of clothing - they would only wear jackets if they were freezing, they didn't like anything bulky unless necessary. Sometimes a despised article of clothing would suddenly become a favorite a few months later.

This is Not A Fight Worth Fighting. You can always throw the coat in the car just in case he decides he wants it. He's smart enough to have noticed that if he goes out without the jacket, he's not horrifically painfully cold, so he's recognized that your insistence that he wear it is pretty arbitrary. Thus he is getting the message that many of the things you insist on may be arbitrary, and he'll fight you on everything you insist on - like car seats and brushing teeth. If you give him autonomy and allow him to be part of cooperative decision making regarding his body and needs, you will make him more cooperative in general, not less; and situations like this are the perfect places to give him that autonomy. He will learn to trust that you are taking his needs and desires into consideration, and therefore when you do insist on that car seat or toothbrush, he'll realize you have a good reason for it.

I have a 3 year old also. He NEVER puts on his jacket going to day care. I ask him if he wants it, he says no, I say okay and bring it along. When I pick him up, he always has his jacket on. The teachers tell me that all the moms say the same thing. The parents can't get their kids' jackets on, but the teacher can. I say, so be it. Like Prudie said, its a short trip in the car and nothing is going to happen.

Kids go through phases. My adorable 3 year old would only wear pj's to day care for about 3 months. Now, he won't touch them. Even goes to bed fully clothed. He only wants to wear Thomas the Tank Engine shirts (we have about 5 of them). His big kick over the summer was bathing suits. He wore a bathing suit with a regular shirt every day to school.

The point is, parents need to take these things in stride. As long as its not detrimental to the child's health, then let it go. We all would like to see our kids dressed nicely, but it just isn't going to happen, at least not now.

NOW, if I can only get my 10 year old to brush her hair before school!!!!!!

i'm embarassed i didn't think of this.

maybe something is happening a that the day care which disturbs him - or simply separation anxiety. but wouldn't that manifest itself more strongly at the moment where mommy or daddy actually left him there?

more viewpoints may be needed here

No need to over-analyze: Sometimes kids just don't want to wear their jackets, shoes, or whatever else you're trying to put on them. Getting a second jacket might solve things, as giving children choices often works wonders. But think of how kids handle their toys: Something is the rage, then they won't touch it for weeks on end. If you were trying to force them to play with it, they'd raise a stink.

Doesn't want to go to daycare? You're suggesting he developed a problem with daycare coincidentally with the cooler weather?

Maybe nothing happened, but he likes whatever he's doing in the morning before they leave. My daughter fights the jacket when I pick her up from daycare. It's not that she doesn;t want to come home, it's that she doesn;t want to leave daycare, because she's usually playing with some beloved toy when I show up to get her. She wants to keep playing, and the jacket means "time to stop playing and leave." I just tell her it's time to go home, and that her puppy is waiting for her at home, and we go. As soon as she's out of sight of the toy she was playing with, she's fine.

It's possible the kid in the letter really likes whatever they do in the morning, and doesn't want to stop playing with whatever it is, or being read to, etc. Or maybe he hates being out in the cold car.

My friend's kid went through this around 2 - 3 years old. He'd cry and whine and refuse to get ready to go when they left the house to go visit anyone. Then, he'd get to whereever they were going, start playing, and not want to leave. He'd throw the same fit he threw about leaving his own house. They'd pretty much ignore the tears, tell him it was time to go and that he could come play again another day, and gather him up to leave. He grew out of it. I think he just got so into whatever he was doing, that he hated to leave while he wa still having fun!

its possible that the jacket tantrum is just a ploy (overacted) to extend time with mommy and daddy.

who hasn't encountered a child who fusses at bedtime for the same reason?

The bedtime stalling - my daughter recently started this. She can draw out a bedtime snack to make it last longer than her lunch!

I think the parents will have to try mornings w/o the jacket for a bit to figure out what's going on. Sneak the sweatshirt on when he gets dressed and just bring the jacket along and see what happens.

My daughter loves her daycare, but somedays just wants to stay home with me. I have resorted to bribery on these days. I give her something to look forward to. I will tell her if she makes it all day at daycare she can have a treat when she gets home. Somedays I go by days of the week, it is Thursday today which means tomorrow is Friday and then we get the whole day together

I realize that I'm not a parent, but I am a former child and a current teacher. Why in the world are 3 year olds being given a choice? They are 3! You put the jacket on because I say put it on and if you cry about it, I'll give you something to really cry about-it's what my mother used to say and I'm fine. Seriously? All this pyscho mumbo jumbo coddling and hand holding only makes it worse when your little princes and princesses come to me and I don't succumb to their every whim and request. Herein lies the truth of the statement 'the teachers at the daycare can get them to put the jackets on,' but not you. Children know authority and it sounds like to me, some of you all's children don't take your authority status seriously because you don't assert yourselves when letting the children know who is the boss. Better to learn early you don't always get what you want, but life is what you make it.

You must have been a well-loved teacher with that attitude. Clearly, you don't have kids or spend much time around the wee ones. Which is probably a good thing, considering that you seem to be advocating threatening the kid with a spanking if they don't put the jacket on. You ever struggle with a kid who didn't want to put something on? How are you going to force them without hurting them? Let them be chilly or try to figure out why they hate it so much.

I have never heard the argument that one should be listened to regarding parenting because they are a former child. I used to represent parents in dependency proceedings, when I was court appointed, and if I have to be involved in those cases now, I represent the children as a G.A.L., and those parents that had their children taken away, were always former children. I assume that they always are except for those parents that are current children.

I think you should have just stuck with the "I am a teacher" argument despite the flaws.

Finally, thank you.

Coddling your children turns them into namby pamby whiney brats. Kids need to know and have a (fear) healthy respect for authority and consequenes. It may not be a battle worth fighting but loosing that battle sets precedent to maybe loosing the war down the line with your teenager if you continously cave.

Disclaimer: I am not a parent nor am I a teacher (except for the period where I taught swimming to toddlers and up), but I know how my parents raised me and I grew up with friends that had parents with differing parenting styles and I know how they have turned out. So, I'm gonna go with "no" on choice for a three year old and "yes" to a light spanking of the tush in cases of gross disobedience.