"In Mr. Cruise's case, the alternate belief system is Scientology. In the giant squid's case, the alternate belief system is a desire to wrap you in its horrible tentacles and poke you to death with its poisonous beak. There are similarities."

What similarities?  This article is just plain dumb.

That was the exact sentence that made me feel that this was a re-appropriated young adult science article. I totally agree, and I am really surprised it would be published on Slate, as unsophisticated as it is.

What kind of concrete motherfuckers are reading Slate these days anyway? The squid article was brilliantly written from a comedic perspective. In addition, the sentence you have such a problem with is both funny and reasonably accurate. The tentacles are quite obviously a metaphor for pseudoreligious brainwashing associated with Scientology. You couldn't stretch your imagination enough to figure that out before you post your bewilderment?