Dear Prudie,

I had a problem with other boys peeing all over the urinal and floors. When I complained to them, they simply kicked the crap out of me.

That was thirty years ago. I learned my lesson and have since taken-up weight lifting... Changed my whole life.

Now I have this new problem. My employer is generous enough to provide our floor with its very own men's room (three urinals, three stalls, three sinks). The problem is... I work with a bunch of dweebs. Every time I try to urinate, they walk uncomfortably close behind me (almost to the point of mounting or frisking me). They do this without even an apology (a simple, "excuse me" would do) nor do they bother to ask me to move.

Please help.

Signed, Retaliated in the Restroom

Dear Chunky Monkey,

Actually, i think maybe you like those little pencil necks brushing up behind you and you're just waiting for one of them to start thrusting - that's why you stick your rear so far out in the first place,

yours, Fuckin'-Gays-Everywhere-You-Lo­ok.

Would these whiney dweebs you work with be getting close to those urinals when they drain their lizards? Almost close enough to look like they're trying to hump the urinal instead of just piss in it? They're still sprinkling all over the place as aiming is a skill that eludes them... Aren't they? At least one of them is so intimidated that he is trying to work up enough nerve to whine to the boss about you. (he wrote in to Prudie with his whine, see Slate article) It's the one who trembles in fear when you're between him & the door when he wants out. Anyway, you might have to 'clean his clocks' if you catch any flack from the boss for standing a respectable distance from the urinal while peeing...

:o)