I'm guessing maybe the brother-in-law is a little social challenged especially in "female territory?" He may care deeply but not have a clue what to say. Or feel that it is too private to comment on comfortably.

She needs to cut the guy some slack. Holding "poor me" grudges is not going to help her any.

My in laws called us days after learning we had miscarried late first trimester expecting us to be excited that a cousin's wife was pregnant. It really didn't help! But we didn't blame them or complain to anyone. They meant well.

People need to realize that for most women this is an especially (probably hormornal related) sensitive time.

Death is awkward. People don't know what to say at funerals either. An unacknowledged death even more so.

If this gal doesn't start feeling better soon, she needs to see her doctor to make sure everything is okay, and then consider talking to someone about this. The whole brother-in-law thing is just a sign that she's not dealing rationally with this.

LW is making far too much of this imaginary slight.

But let's play it her way...

Maybe her BIL has had the experience of a miscarriage. Maybe he found it a very painful experience. Maybe he preferred to keep his wife's pregnancy quiet and not announce to the world that they she had miscarried. Maybe he was afraid of talking about LW's miscarriage because of the terrible grief it recalled for himself.

Of maybe he's tired of playing along with his crazy SIL's mindgames.

I agree, I think the brother just didnt know what to say. Especially since they heard that he felt terrible about what happened. I think when he called to see how they were, that was his way of expressing condolences. Some people are just uncomfortable with death and dont know how to handle it.

Oh, I so agree. Many people have a hard time responding to a loved one's death, and don't know how to talk to the family. But, I think that the LW is trying to make up a reason to be angry with her BIL. Practically every one in my family has been mad at another family member at one time or another (these are adults) and didn't speak for years. I think my brother and I are the only ones who don't get into a hissy fit and stop speaking to someone for years and years. I will have to say that at least 3/4 of the problems involved money and how one family member misunderstood, lied, and/or took advantage of another family member. This is just a reminder that you should never loan money to family without a legal document-- or just realize that you are never going to get it back and forget about it.

All points made are quite good, but frankly, Prudie could have been a little stronger in her language than saying, "Move on." When I got the word from my OB-GYN that I would miscarry, my husband and I passed along the sad news to the family. The first words out of my mother-in-law's mouth to me were, "Well, are you even sure you're pregnant?" Not everybody out there is even humane, let alone sensitive. I got not a single card or flower from anyone, and I come from a very close-knit family. None of them had ever experienced a miscarriage before and had absolutely no idea what the etiquette of such a thing would be. If this woman is going to blow apart every time someone doesn't offer her what she considers "proper" condolences, she's not going to make it to old age.

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. These people expect to be the center of the universe...yes, miscarriage is very emotional, painful, etc, but the world does NOT have to come to a screeching halt because of it. It seems pretty obvious that the brother-in-law just didn't feel comfortable broaching the subject. To resent him for not fawning over them is ludicrous and their out of line reaction says more about THEM than it does him.

They both need to grow up.

I agree LW needs to give the BIL a break, but I think we need to give LW a break, too. Hormones can be a be yotch, and not everyone is wired the same way. My SIL had a miscarriage about a year ago that she wasn't even going to tell any of us about. She ended up telling us after she came unglued over something completely unrelated, and threatened not to attend Christmas dinner or even bring the kids. She really needed some support, and there's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.