I'm totally ripping Schad off here (I'll get a payment in the mail for using the rights):

1. Before MADD - There were drunk drivers. They were still stupid and irresponsible.

2. Obama's ratings are spiraling down!!!1!1!! - "Spiraling" connotes a perpetual decrease. Ratings by definition have a zero point, and so cannot "spiral". Bonus gripe: polls are only as useful as the way in which their questions are asked.

3. Musicals - The American rip-off of Opera. Like most American rip-offs, they lack the lustre of the original.

4. Lie To Me - Watch House. Watch nothing else on Fox. Rejoice.

5. Moon Conspiracies - Seriously? Do I need to repost my Rulz for Conspiracies?

6. HWMD Posts - It's a TARP!

High marks for the week - TheBell. The Lord God. Archie.

Posters Who Need To Break Out Of Whatever Iranian Prison They've Apparently Been Locked In Lately - Urq. Ryerson.

Poster Who I'm Either Just Now Getting The Jokes Of, Or Is Becoming Funnier - ghostofatoz

Poster Who Needs To Quit The Melodrama And Post Already Because I Know He's Lurking Anyway - Camille Claudel

Poster Who Needs To Work Less And Post Moar - Isonomist

In summary, this front page sucks. Pick it up, people. I'm not wasting nearly enough time this week.

FIN

(Fixed some errors)

1. Before drinking, there were still stupid and irresponsible people. They just had to find more creative outlets for their stupid irresponsibility.

2. Planes also spiral downward, and reach a zero point. I don't think "spiraling" connotes a perpetual decrease - more what happens to Snoopy after a Red Baron encounter.

3. Gershwin: we call it opera now, but only because it really is that good.

4. Who watches TV anymore?

5. Really, there is only one conspiracy, and it all leads back to the Joos.

6. Perhaps.

This is why you're In The Cloud, man.

I'm going to tag this one Schrodinger and hope you inspire some great stuff.

Sorry, I was involved in a top-secret mission to Central America, about which I can say nothing other than it was ponderous. Also, if I told you, I'd have to have Grigori FUCK YOU IN THE ASS. On to your queries:

2. Obama's ratings are spiraling down!!!1!1!! - "Spiraling" connotes a perpetual decrease. Ratings by definition have a zero point, and so cannot "spiral". Bonus gripe: polls are only as useful as the way in which their questions are asked.

I disagree with your connotation of spiral. However, let's use plummet instead. The approve/disapprove numbers aren't especially dependent on wording, as the wording is the same as ever. And those numbers have shown a precipitous decine.

4. Lie To Me - Watch House. Watch nothing else on Fox. Rejoice.

I was watching a couple of episodes of The Closer this week (not Fox, I know). I really enjoy how ruthless she is. When the child rapist/murderer, with whom she'd been so friendly and solicitous in order to extract his confession, was crying and begging "don't send me to general population; they'll beat me; you don't understand, they'll beat me" her suddenly icy reply : "No, Bobby, I do understand. I just don't care."

Then she was up against a Texas cop in a jurisdiction battle over a serial killer. Now, in a lib show (Law & Order, say), the Texas cop would be the bad guy, and we'd end with some superficial soul-searching, after which there'd be a pat platitude like "that's not justice, it's revenge". And indeed, that's where things seemed to be headed, as I cringed just waiting for it. But no, after she's extracted the confession to 16 murders, Texas cop shows her pictures of the victims. She goes back in one more time. "You gonna visit me in prison?" he gloats. "Well, now, I don't get to Texas very often, and you probably won't be on death row long enough for me to see you." "You can't do this to me!" "Well, now, it looks like I can."

Just delovely. Watching Mad Men, as well as Leverage, which has to substitute until Burn Notice comes on in the winter.

1. Null. I refuse to admit there was ever a time before drinking. It even says so in The Bible. Genesis 125:48 - "And God gave Adam the ability to make liquor, because what's a world without liquor?". In fact, I saw one version where it was to make liquor that Eve took the apple. To make Knowledge Liquor. That's right. Think about that for a second.

2. Planes circle 'round and 'round until they hit the ground.

3. I'll give you half-credit on Gershwin.

4. People who like to see how awesome it is to watch a misanthropic doctor simultaneously save the lives of people he hates, sexually harass his boss, and torture his team. That's who.

5. See? At least someone still remembers the damn conspiracy rulz.

6. I don't remember my #6, but I accept your apology.

Is it any good? Only tuned in for an episode or two because Bruce Campbell is playing a secondary character and, well, I just love Bruce Campbell (I think I was once of three people in the country who watched The Adventures of Brisco County Junior).

Go back and get him, dammit. I miss making fun of his lack of proper paragraph use.

2. I admit it. I'm assuming they're changing up the wording. I don't know/kindabarelycare, so I haven't really checked. I guess I may have to admit that I ciinc'd #2 up. Ah well.

4. I can't watch The Closer. Thr reason why is that Kyra Sedgwick's mouth is so large that it looks possible that her jaw could detach from her face at any time. I don't plan on being around to see that happen.

Leverage was better last season.

Mad Men is too hypey. I supposed I might give in and start DVR-ing it, though.

Burn Notice has the most frustrating schedule in all of TV-land. But that doesn't mean that I won't be waiting like a crack addict for next "season". Because I will.

Psych (you didn't mention it, but I am now) is still as awesome as ever.

I'm totally taking credit for that one.

1. I figured "the apple" was a metaphor for cheap vodka. My recollection of the old testament is that it was written by people who understand the appeal of getting hot chicks drunk.

2. Planes spiral down 'til they hit the ground. If they were circling round and round, they wouldn't hit the ground (well, 'til they run out of gas, at which point they start spiraling down).

3. If Menotti gets full opera credit for The Telephone, then Gershwin should get extra credit for Porgy and Bess [no disrespect to Menotti intended].

4. I worked in community mental health with people like that for years and years. Just like that.

5. Of course. The conspiracy roolz would never have survived, however, if they did not please the sensibilities of the notoriously elitist Jooz.

6. I was apologizing? For what?

I mean, c'mon. One has to enjoy girls with faint Irish accents who blow up shit and shoot big guns, while wearing bikinis.

It's my favorite recent show. And is turning into quite the franchise for USA.

It has an ongoing plot, but that generally shows up at the beginning and end of each episode, while the meat of the episode is a one-off case to solve. Via subterfuge, gadgetry, and blowing shit up. Also cigarettes. And, as one critic says, it's the first show since Miami Vice to use the city as a character. I especially enjoy the narration explaining spycraft. Most of it's probably hooey, but it's still cool.

Psych's good. But I think that may be because, due to scheduling, I tend to watch it drunk.

Mad Men is hypey for a reason. Because they didn't have much of an audience in the first season. As a guy, I'm very visual. It's got the visuals, man.

A favorite House moment.

Look, I'm not watching unless Campbell gets his long-awaited screen-time dues. So is he prominently featured? Of will be be forced to rely on the largess of his old buddy Raimi for bit-part cameos in Spider Man movies?

He's in the triad. Obviously, Michael gets the most time, as the protagonist. But Bruce steals a lot of scenes. Not sure which episodes you saw, but he's pretty damned prominent in most of them. Chillin at a sidewalk cafe with his Hawaiian shirt and Corona. (search "burn notice comicon" on youtube for some fun clips from last month)

And you may want to warn Dawn that this weekend's Batman is Dawn-themed. Uberfeminist settles down and gets married with kids. Positively eerie.

it was inconvenient having that script-writer underfoot all the time, taking notes and periodically asking "What's your motivation?", but we're looking forward to the episode.

I think they had to cut the mother-stepdaughter talk about blowjobs, however - fucking censors.

1. Either women changed since Biblical times, or I chased the wrong women (when I was chasing women). Cheap apple vodka would produce nary a drunk hot chick in these time in which we live now. Not that I would endorse such a thing (getting hot chicks drunk). I wouldn't. Because it's wrongwrongwrong.

2. I have tried over and over to produce a spiral that has an ending, and all I can create are interconnected concentric circles that eventually end. Therefore, planes circle in a connected concentric fashion, whilst decending in altitude, until such time as they impact the Earth. Planes could only spiral 'round if they were in a black hole. Which introduces a whole 'nother set of problems.

3. Porgy and Bess is an opera, not a musical.

4. And you were highly entertained, were you not?

5. We agree, good sir.

6. In what world does "Perhaps" not mean "Aha, I see your point, and gravely apologize for any consternation that I might have imposed upon your person by not seeing your point originally."? Answer: Not a world that I want to live in.