Which translated means every last one of you...regardless of race, religion, or political party, but because most of you I have been privileged to know for years.

Last night I was in ER again...that seems to be my home away from home these days...arterial fibrillation....it's as nasty as it sounds, dne very devastating. Something as simple as sitting up on that hard 'bed/table' in ER to slide both me and my pillow back up to the 'head' caused my pulse rate to set off the monitor's alarm...tell you anything?

They invited me to stay overnight for observation, which I politely but firmly declined...it's cheaper doing the bed rest and 'observation' right here at home.

Saturday I was fine...went to Joplin and checked out 3 possibilities for 'downsizing'...and though I've lived at least half of my adult life in Missouri, for some reason this time, it just didn't 'feel right'....and the closer we got to being back home Saturday evening, the 'better' I felt, and so yesterday, when the guy called who showed my place on Friday evening to a young couple, (who fell in love with it!), and told me he was bringing papers out for me to sign Monday (today), I KNEW in my heart I just couldn't do it. So I headed that off at the pass, right on the brink of falling ove4r the edge.

Then I had a long heart to heart talk with my boarder, who has contributed to my stress, bouyed by my participation not to be outdone....and I believe we have reached a reasonable solution...if I fall back into that same old 'pit, it will be my fault, for I am determined to just get up and walk off...go outside, or leave the room at the very least.

I have my step-daughter and my one son, who still live in this area, planning to work out a schedule between them, for one day at week (weekend most likely) to come and help here...one will come one week, and the other one, the following week. That will be a lot of help to me for 'major' projects. In the meantime I have a handyman, whom I can afford for some projects.

Things are falling into place. Tomorrow I see my GP, and then no doubt, my heart doctor. This time, my 'condition' was causing 'blackout' feelings, unexpectedly, while I was trying to do simple things...like walk across the living room, or water tomatoes and plants...just whenever 'they' felt like taking me down a few pegs.

I'm sure that they will try medications first, and then who knows? But I plan to get my doctor's attention by telling him he has to choices...make me feel better OR put me out of my misery! That should get his attention?

Jiust bear with me...I'll be back on here, hopefully soon, but only if I am doing better. I've also found out that life goes on even if I do not even start the computer up at ALL! I've been surprised at how easy it is to kick that addiction...I guess when a person feels bad enough, even the computer is of little value in making one feel better.

I'm not 'leaving' the board until they cremate me, but by the same token, it isn't going to rule what life I have left in me.

You've all been great, for the most part, and I'll be checking in, when I can, just not 'living' here until I feel one hell of a lot better.

Thanks to all who have inquired, called, e-mailed, or whatever...and to those whom I have not been that close to, you are still in my thoughts...every one of you.

BTW...I think the one thought I kept mulling over and thinking about, that helped me decided to stay right here at my 'home' for as long as possible, was thinking about how BIG the sky is here in Kansas...I enjoy a cup of coffee and a suncrise, with a rooster's crow, a dog barking in the distance, and the sound of first traffic on the highway a mile west of me. In the evening, after supper, I walked just as the sun was setting...beautiful. Now, I'm enjoying those sunsets from my front porch....and in Missouri, in the 'hills', a sunrise means when the sun has had a couple of hourss to rise above the hills, and sunset means, the sun going down behind another hill, and none of the beautiful colors, rays, and all that goes with a sunrise and sunset. I decided those are pretty darned important to me, so why deprive myself of that simple enjoyment?

See you all when I can, and as I can....Loree

PS...forgive typos, as I'm tired, and the computer is hardly 'bed rest', by any stretch of the imagination!

Thanks for the update and take care. I'm glad to hear you have family near to help out.

I'll send up some smoke for you, Loree.

I'll take and use all the help I can get, Wabooz...thanks:-)

You are very welcome. Hopefully it will aid you as it did Anna's patient.

My son is an hour away, and my step-daughter, 30 minutes...but I know they are glad to hear I am going to stay right here, until 'forced' out by my health.

A bit unhandy for them, but I'll accept the help...since I have not much choice.

My son even suggested I move into their big, fancy house, with a full set of living quarters in the basement (full, finished basement), and said when I couldn't use steps someday, they would stay down there and let me have the upstairs (ground level)...you don't reckon he KNEW I'd never move in with him and his wife, do you?! :-)

Red, unless you want to be like Cable Hogue, and ruin a good thing, you had better start decompressing that pent up stress. Try to stay away from the coffee for a few weeks, or drink less of it!

Boarder? Stress? Arterial fibrillation? Joplin Missouri? Blackout feelings? Change in pulse rate? Realtor Contract? Step daughter? ER? Morning coffee? Traffic?

That's just like a red headed woman, can't figure out which branding iron to use! Red, get yourself down from that horse, without getting mad, and take a pen then scratch through any of the irons above that you can do without for awhile. You forgot to mention your "hair day, the tractor, and all the political crap you keep up with."

Look here woman, we want you around for a while so get on the ball Lucy. While Navy sends up smoke I'm sending you a buffalo turd! I want you to open the package and take a deep breath, and in the other hand I expect you to have some green, green grass to sniff. <link>

Seasoldier/Seriously, lay off that damn coffee for a few weeks please, it dilates blood vessels. And please don't tell me hear you are drinking DECAFFEINATED out of a STAINLESS STEEL coffee maker! Please? If you are then let me apprise you that improper cleaning and rinsing of said vessel, coupled with chemicals used in decaffeinated coffee, will cause one to FAINT! Yes, mam, they will! Don't drink coffee period for at least two weeks Red.

....as that is far more important than our missing your regular contributions to the board, your health comes first and yes, I agree it is easy to put this place aside for a while to smell the roses, watch the sun rise and set, hear the wind in the trees and grasses and watch the clouds drift by pondering the raw power and beauty of nature in between all the human things.

I'm hoping they find this is being caused by a less serious concern, like something you're eating or might have eaten, something you've been doing which you might ought not to be doing away from your normal routine, like working too hard and/or lifting things. Perhaps it is a chemical imbalance. Heart issues can be tough at times, but sometimes they can be a lot less tough and treated with relative ease compared to more involved measures. I'll be hoping and betting on the less involved means of getting you back to your zesty self.

They say home is where the heart is and there is something to be said for being where you want to be with regard to helping with whatever they come up with for a solution to get your heart to stop doing what it's doing to make you neot feel good.

I'm a real newcomer on this board compared to a lot of others, but no less a fan of yours for a variety of reasons. One thing I appreciate and respect in folks is a sign from them they are human beings. Perhaps that is why they call it humility. I believe you understand and a fair number of people here understand or seem to, that one can look at themselves and recognize their own faults, failings and weaknesses, yet still believe in something firmly and strongly and fight for what they believe in, the best way they may be able to, even if it is a recognition of contradictions in truth and where there are contradictions, make note of and make people aware of the other side of the story and exhibit a quest for truth and honesty.

None of us perhaps has all the answers or are all knowing and all seeing and that makes us as fallible or vulnerable to being wrong as anyone we may oppose, but I do believe if we have an honest interest in the truth and hold the truth in higher esteen than ourselves, our political affiliations or all other group affiliations, it is better than worshipping or being a slave to our egos, our political party agendas or the agendas of any other group, large or small we may be a part of.

We all have loyalites which tend to tempt us toward placing them above a loyalty the truth, but I see you recognize that also and that makes you a contibutor to the world and humanity.

Get well really soon as I know all your "friends" here are going to miss your contributions whether in agreement or disagreement of our own thoughts.

Please also take good care of yourself so you can get well really soon. It's hard sometimes when you're used to being self-sufficient, to let yourself be the patient and the looked after for a while, at least until you're back on your feet.

with love to you from one of your friends,

Knot

A song for Red
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Another song for Red
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Seasoldier/

Take A Ride In My Country & Enjoy The Sounds
<link>

A The Demon Beltched
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An In My Valleys You Roar And Spit!
<link>

The Boys Still Live!
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Somebody Has To Do It, Right?
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And So Politicians Spoke...
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Seasoldier/

So sorry to hear that you are having more medical problems, and send you my best wishes for comfort and recovery. Altho I have not "known" you long, you seem like someone pretty special to me.

Home IS where the heart is, and you need to be where your heart is, not in a place where you cannot see the sunrise. Your home sounds like a little bit of paradise (the country girl coming out in me) and I hope all works out for you.

WHatever suits you just tickles me plumb to death. (the Rounders.. Henry Fonda, I think)

Shep

Hi Sea....I never touch Decaff....I drink the genuine thing, but it's funny....for the past two weeks, instead of drinking a whole pot in a 12-14 hour day, that same size pot is lasting me 3 to 4 days. This morning, I fixed my one cup to get me jump-started...well, half of that cup is sitting on the counter top in the kitchen. By the way, I use a glass pot and corelle cups, with green ivy design...do you suppose there is some kind of a 'bug' in tha ivy that is making me not feel well?!

I've been up one hour...(can't believe I slept until 7:00, but at least I didn't miss the sunrise! I've made my bed, had a bowl of cinnamon apple oatmeal, went out to the road and dragged the trash cart back in (those guys are up earlier than I am!), fed the ducks, pair of geese, the pullets, the cats and the dogs....so everything is under control. Oh yes, did the few dishes before I went outside, so everything is under control! I'm very tired, but so far, pulse rate (for some odd reason) is back into the 60s....go figure, after days of 100 plus and threatening to jump ship!

I have a doctor's appointment at 10:30, so will probably get some new marching orders from that encounter.

See you later, Sea...I may be down, but I'm not out.....at least just yet!

Knot, you are always so wise, unlike me, even with good intentions, I have this afflication that haunts me.....red hair:-)

You are right...I am the worst 'patient' in the world, as I have neither the time, nor the patience, for being 'sick', and the thought of a condition that might require me to slow down, just wasn't in my plans, nor is it to my liking! My Mom and Dad both had heart problems, so it should come as no surprise, that both myself, and my sister 13 months younger than me, are following the family pattern. I guess in this, we have no choices, except what we must do to stretch our time out, if that is possible.

I should count my blessings, the few I have, for on the way home from Joplin, on US 166. we came up behind, and then passed, a REAL covered wagon...the only difference was that it had rubber tires, instead of its counterpart of decades ago. It was being pulled by a team of mules, and tied behind was a saddle horse, patiently plodding along. You could see personal belongings just inside the opening...bedding, dishes....and the little old man who sat on the hard wooden seat, the reins trailing through his hands, wore a battered cowboy hat. I immediately started wondering why the mode of transportation, and what circumstances had led to the sight...choice, or necessity? For you could tell he hadn't been in a parade...he was literally out in 'no man's land' between Coffeyville Kansas and Baxter Springs, Kansas...I could almost see that 'home' parked in my pasture, those horses wandering through my pasture eating the grass, then drinking from my pond. He (the man) was obviously a homeless man, surviving the very same way our ancestors did, years ago. Did he have family anywhere? Probably not. Did he have money, and if so, what was it's source? Donations from caring people maybe? It was shocking in a way, sad in another, yet I'd bet he was living life just as he wanted to...little if any stress, and beholden to no one. And no doubt healthy as a horse, himself!

Which just proves, that the choices everyone makes, should be the ones that they are comfortable with, can answer to God with, when the time comes, and to break free of 'convention by doing one's own thing, is remarkable in itself.

For in reality, the majority of us are little more than penned in cattle, with one goal in mind...to abide by the rules, and work ourselves into the same fate that awaits us all, eventually, but maybe not enjoying ourselves along the way.

Convention rules, and man abides by that for the most part. We do not tailor our lives to what makes us happy, but rather are victims of doing what we MUST, the best we can, to live in a world that is neatly laid out, and that we are expected to be content with.

I wonder why, in so many cases, man is not happy as he should be, but instead just existing?

Anyway, I got side-tracked except that my mind keeps going back to that wagon and that little old man...and I wonder if he isn't ever so much happier than are the majority of the rest of us?

But hey, maybe I can glean a bit of useful thinking from him, without having ever spoken a word to him....I wish now, that we had pulled ahead of him a little way, stopped, and actually talked with him...I think I even had an extra $100 bill in my wallet, that I could have put to very good use...I would have gotten a feel for whether he might not have taken it, had we visited with him just a bit? And I suspect what I would have gotten in return from him, would have been cheap for any amount of money.

I'll be ok...and I'm not losing it...just slowing down a bit to enjoy USING it for a change:-)

Thank you my friend. I may not be well physically right now, but mentally? I feel ever so much better, for having broken free of the whirlwind I've been caught up in, ever since first getting so sick a couple of weeks ago, tomorrow evening.

And perhaps, the mental healing will benefit the body's healing...it sure can't hurt anywthing, I'm thinking.

Nothing beats living in the country...even when the idiots run over your mailbox, and run off with the laying hens:0-) You just do whatever is necessary to make that at the very least, harder for them to do it next time, if not impossible:-) The mailbox is propped up, again, and a new chicken pen in place for the young pullets, with their very own security light, to help discourage intruders of any kind...4 legged or 2 legged:-)

Those are minor things, though it makes me angry that others have so little respect for the property of someone else...they are the really 'sick' people?

Here's to country living...it's still the best place to sit and enjoy what has been given us, and for calming the soul...IF I have one?! :-)