Prudie wrote about "having to hunt people down like wild beasts in order to get them to agree to partake of your hospitality."

Our social life has pretty much dwindled to a handful of friends. The only thing more irritating than people who don't respond to invitations are the ones who graciously agree to partake of your hospitality but don't see any need to reciprocate. I like to entertain but after a few years of feeling like an unpaid cruise ship social director, I dropped all the people who had been to my home more than twice without ever returning the invitation.

These were all people younger than my husband and myself but old enough to know better. There seems to be an entire generation of people between the ages of 35 and 45 who really were raised by wolves in the wild.

mandy, I think it's a good rule of thumb that you don't offer a gift or your hospitality with any strings attached (if you do, it's not really a gift or hospitality, is it?).

When having a party/dinner, etc., I'm going to invite those who I most want to be around, regardless of if they ever invite me anywhere. In a perfect world, I suppose, those I most want to be around will be one and the same as those who reciprocate my efforts, but I've found life to be not nearly so tidy as that.

Sincerely,

One of those raised by wolves

This seems like an awfully harsh attitude. Some people may not feel comfortable hosting an event for many reasons. They may not have a large enough place to have many people over. It also may not be as nice as yours, and they don't think you'd feel comfortable there. Or maybe they have kids and the house is always a mess.

Some people also may think you just like being the hosts. I know many people who love having gatherings at their house, but aren't comfortable spending time at someone else's place.

I don't think it's a harsh attitude at all. Sure, there are those who may not be comfortable hosting a party--but there are other ways they can reciprocate hospitality. Offer to bring a fabulous dessert to the next gathering. Take the host out for dinner. Anything to show that you appreciate the effort that the host made in giving you an entertaining evening. I am one of those who seems to always be a host, never a guest, and it gets old.

mandy cat:

The only thing more irritating than people who don't respond to invitations are the ones who graciously agree to partake of your hospitality but don't see any need to reciprocate.

Could it be that you were so busy being a hostess, you never had time to LET anyone else reciprocate?

I have a close friend who often has people over to her house. The last 2 times I've invited her, she had plans. And another time I was having people over and planned to invite her, but she told me she was going out of town before I could utter the invitation. She recently said something to the effect of, "why don't we ever do this at your house?" GAH.

SmagBoy1:

mandy, I think it's a good rule of thumb that you don't offer a gift or your hospitality with any strings attached (if you do, it's not really a gift or hospitality, is it?).

When having a party/dinner, etc., I'm going to invite those who I most want to be around, regardless of if they ever invite me anywhere. In a perfect world, I suppose, those I most want to be around will be one and the same as those who reciprocate my efforts, but I've found life to be not nearly so tidy as that.

Sincerely,

One of those raised by wolves

Precisely. Of all things to keep score about - enjoying the company of those you like/love! What a mean (in the petty, emotionally stunted sense) way to live.

lucysnow:

I don't think it's a harsh attitude at all. Sure, there are those who may not be comfortable hosting a party--but there are other ways they can reciprocate hospitality. Offer to bring a fabulous dessert to the next gathering. Take the host out for dinner. Anything to show that you appreciate the effort that the host made in giving you an entertaining evening. I am one of those who seems to always be a host, never a guest, and it gets old.

So stop doing it. Who put the gun to your head? Let people who're different from you be different - you've been offered in the comments here several valid reasons, other than being complete jerks, why guests don't reciprocate on a 1:1 basis. If it's more fun for you to think other people suck and you shine, go for it, but if you don't like hosting for people who don't host back, stop doing it.

And yet below, you tell someone if they don't like hospitality never being returned, to stop doing it.

It's not keeping score, it's about manners. Plenty of people don't entertain in their own homes for whatever reason but that doesn't mean they can't reciprocate in another way. Being friends is not a one way street. It's give and take. Not take take take.