[sigh]

"Hello. I'm Osama bin Laden, international terrorist, mastermind of the obliteration of pre-9/11 thinking, husband, father, singer/songwriter. You may remember me from when I hosted Saturday Night Live back in the Fall of 1980. Or not, since only about 14 people were watching the show by that point. But surely you'll recognize me from the wonderful wedding video Michael Moore made for me. Hmm...

I'm here to talk to you about Just For Men.

When I'm not out blowing up buildings or teaching some swarthy goat roper how to fire a machine gun into a target made out of humus and pita bread in the middle of nowhere out in the desert, one of my favorite pastimes is to color my beard so that I can look younger and more menacing when I'm taking money from the Saudi Arabian Royal Family or chopping off the heads of foreign nationals who've been contracted to not finish building schools, and splitting infinitives.

That's where Just For Men comes in. Aging men with grey in their beards just aren't terrorfying enough. Santa Claus, Colonel Sanders, Jesse from The Dukes Of Hazard, Yahweh, Uncle Ben, Linda Evans -- all of them: not scary.

When I look in the mirror, I see a man full of destiny; a wise man; a man who would rather see my own loyal subjects catch on fire than enjoy the freedom to play Halo all afternoon while eating Nutter Butters in the basement.

But I also see an aging Middle Eastern nemesis with a little bit too much "snow on the front porch". But when I dab some Just For Men on my "whiskers of fear", by the time I've put the marinated sheep intestines on my George Forman Grill... Wait, the sheep intestines go in the Ronco rotisserie thingie. My stuffed camel gonads go on the George Forman Grill... I think.

Anyways, by the time I've set it and forgotten it, Just For Men has worked its magic, and my beard has the oily black sheen of a man dedicated to leveling the playing field for radical Islamofascicans by blowing up the playing field itself. Remember, death and dismemberment are the ultimate Great Equalizers. (And Edward Woodward, of course.)

Then when I look in the mirror, I no longer see Kris Kringle looking back at me in the looking glass. No. I see a man on a mission impossible. I see an old man with inappropriately black hair. And what's creepier than that!? Aside from my clear lack of eyebrow maintenance skills.

But I'm not all work and no play. After a long day of exploding children and bombed out mosques, I like to throw down at the cave and entertain "the ladies". And the only thing that gets in the way of romance faster than my Depends Undergarment bunching up at the sides and becoming visible beneath my mandress is grey hair.

Just For Men to the rescue! Those women won't suppress themselves. With a little help from this little miracle in a bottle, I'm able to convince man and woman alike that we're created different for a reason. And that reason is to die, taking as many with us as possible.

So whether you're driving airplanes into The Superdome, endorsing Democratic candidates for president, or giving your favorite "flavor of the month" a foot massage, do it with confidence. Do it with style. Do it with flare. Do it with Just For Men. Because the only way to look young is to feel young. And the only way to feel young is to not have grey in your beard, and to kill Jews.

Just For Men is just right for me."

This message brought to you by the Syrian Department Of Insurgency Maintenance And Procurement. And our State Department, turns out.

It is not him.

Osama Bin laden would not trim or dye his beard black.

Check out these pictures and beard analysis.

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Just my two cents here, but, I think Osama would have no problem with doing anything he thought was "for the cause." Looking younger, healthier and more vigorous by dyeing his hair and trimming it to encourage his followers(terrorists and sympathizers) and to thumb his nose at the infidels who thought him on his deathbed is not that far fetched. In his nutty, evil mind, whatever he considers will further the "holy mission" is allowable. I hope Speedos won't become a part of that plan!!!

I have to confess that i didn't even see the Osama video, I was traveling. But, I have to add my two cents. What if this is a video of a younger OBL? Not only is his beard darker, his skin is darker than the previous videos. All that living in a cave is bound to make his skin lighter.

What I really wish is that we wouldn't even run the videos. Make his videos a non-issue. Don't give him any air time, If we didn't play his videos, nobody would even care about him, and we wouldn't even care if his beard was darker or more gray.or anything. What if he died, and they are just faking the videos.