Living in the land of words
We'd nurture them,
We'd put them out into the yard
When storms were coming
Put them out there 'midst
The marigolds and glads,
The hibiscus and the reeds,
The vines and grass and weeds,
To watch them blossom
In the thunder and the lightning
And the pouring down of life
Or grief.

And when the storm had passed,
We'd marvel at the glisten,
At the sparkle and the bloom,
Listen silently for secrets
Quietly revealed.

Living in the land of words,
We'd scoop them up, we'd pull them up,
We'd hold them close to breast
Move them back into the house,
Where scent and warmth inspired by
An apple cider in the fire
Remind them of a home.

Still, they wait for us
To speak to them,
To speak of them,
As if we are
The uninvited guests.

by soccerfreaks (Joe)

Hi Joe,

Haven't seen you around lately.

I like the ideas and images of your poem. Any particular reason you used the past tense? Try it in the present tense (no need to revise the last stanza) and see what you think.

And the pouring down of life
Or grief.

An alternate take, more pessimistic (but truer, I think), would be

And the pouring down of life,
Which is grief.

MA

Hi Joe, I did a little edit, illustrating my personal prejudices. It's easier than explaining. Thanks for asking, if you did. Please forgive me if I overstep - I think a couple of really small changes could make a big difference, but you may well find better ways to do that. Feel free to ignore, or not read, or what you will. That said, can you get rid of any more thes? Cheers.

Living in the land of words
We nurtured them,
Put them out into the yard
When storms were coming,
Put them out there 'midst
The marigolds and glads,
The hibiscus and the reeds,
The vines, grass and weeds,
To watch them blossom
In the thunder and lightning
And the pouring down.

When the storm had passed
We marveled at the glisten,
At the sparkle and the bloom,
Listened silently for secrets.

Living in the land of words,
We scooped them up, pulled them up,
Held them close,
Moved them back into the house
Where warmth and scent of
Apple cider over the fire
Reminded them of home.

They wait for us
To speak to them,
To speak of them as if we are
The uninvited guests.

or change to present tense at:

We scoop(ed) them up, pull them up, ....or something, I think that trying different points for the tense change is going to show you the punchiest place to do it. My 2 cents is that's the key to making this as clear as possible.

Thank you for the instructive comments, MaryAnn, falcon. I will definitely consider them, particularly since you both seem to have some problem with the past tense (at the very least).

To answer the question as to why the past tense, MaryAnn, I was considering a recent gullywasher and how I moved as many plants outside as possible to take advantage of the free water when I had this notion that we also, well, you get it or don't. But that is why it was past tense to begin with. It is certainly not immutable.

As for the absence, MaryAnn, let's just say I grew weary of much of the discourse. My thinking, upon learning of Denny's removal, was "one down, one to go". That hasn't happened. Yet.

But I do enjoy the poetry and the intelligence and, the rule rather than the exception, the warmth and tolerance here. While some do not seem to understand the concept of 'agreeing to disagree', either here or throughout the nation and the world, it is a wonderful thing.

Again, thanks, falcon, MaryAnn, for your time and effort.

Take care,

Joe