I cannot believe that the MiL thinks she, or her daughters, have the right to demand anything of the wedding. I am an event coordinator and when putting together weddings I do my best to only deal with the bride and groom. When a MiL asks a question I let her know what the bride and grooms wishes are and that I follow those wishes only.

I am brought to a more disturbing question however about this cake allergy argument. Why does this woman want to see her future daughter in law suffer or possible die from an allergy? What is the underlying motive here? Take a stance now! This will continue into the marriage and its up to you and your new husband to put these people in their place. God forbid you have any children born with allergies. Dont let ANY of those people babysit! My 8yr old son is terribly allergic to all dairy products and nuts. If I had a family member endanger his life the way this woman wants to endanger the brides, they would no longer be in my life. Period!

I hope your wedding day is full of joy and peace. And if the MiL and her wretched daughters want to keep her from going to the ball, ignore them. They will look like the awful people they are, your guests will be mortified by their behavior and hopefully they will be shamed into behaving like normal people. Good luck Chocophobe. Im pulling for ya!

Oh, and refer them to the Food Allergy & Anaphalaxis Network.

I don't disagree with you in general, but I don't think they are worried about the bride actually ingesting chocolate...God knows the only cake I had at my wedding was shoved in my face...lol. Its usually possible also to get different tiers in different flavors or to get a smaller cake for pictures and then serve sheet cake to the guests. There are lots of compromises here.

I think it is a bit more than deciding what cake to eat. A wedding is to be run as per the bride and groom wish - period. Family or friends have no right to throw tantrums or give 'youeitherdothisoriwillboycott­thewedding' ultimatums.

Unless the bride and groom try something tacky, or want to have a very expensive wedding which will leave them neck deep in debt, others should just nod encouragingly and say 'that's lovely!'

jokerista:

A wedding is to be run as per the bride and groom wish - period.

I thinks it's fair that the B&G should take into account the reasonable needs of their guests. For example, if guests are vegetarian or have food allergies, provide alternatives. Or if the wedding is in a hard-to-get-to place, provide instructions about how to reach it or consider hiring a bus for guests.

But in chocophobes case, of course the demands are far beyond resonable and she and her fiance need to put their feet down.

Food allergies are not just about ingesting an item, many times with a severe allergy skin contact can bring on anaphalaxis. So having chocolate shoved in her face may send her to the hospital as well. I dont think they need to comprimise on something like cake, especially when it can send her to the hospital. Its not like she's asking her guests to shoulder a huge debt to travel to a foreign destination or do something silly. All she asks is that her guests not eat something that could kill her. They can go out for chocolate cake after the reception if its that important.

There's definitely something wierd going on here. And where is the groom in all of this? If my family wanted to risk sending my sweetie from the reception to the ER, I would definitely "have words."

I'm guessing that the bride is a beautiful woman and the MiL and SiLs are maybe not so beautiful. Even if that's not the case, they sure do have some ugly personalities. What kind of people insist that someone kill themselves on their own wedding day.

I hope the bride is absolutely sure that she wants to be a part of this family. And for goodness sakes, I hope she never eats any food prepared by her in-laws. Those people might just be mean enough to sneak some cocoa powder or cocoa bean extract into her food or drink.

SaraO:

I dont think they need to comprimise on something like cake, especially when it can send her to the hospital.

I hope you don't think that I was suggesting a compromise in this case; the in-laws are so far beyond unreasonable that I wonder if there's something deeper going on.

Of course there is something deeper going on, no one goes off the deep end about the flavor of a cake without some sort of underlying issue. Unless they're the ones with major issues. My thinking was more along the lines of, how badly does she want to keep the peace? If it was me, I'd stand my ground, but everyone reacts differently and it IS a valid option.

Other than allergies or religious/moral food choices (e.g. vegetarian), there really are no reasonable demands about food you are served as a guest. My niece is a vegetarian. At her wedding, she served vegetarian food. Anyone not happy with that had the option to eat before the wedding or after the reception, or to skip it entirely.

I can't honestly believe that anyone is so addicted to chocolate as to demand it be at another person's wedding. It's definitely more about who controls the husband in the future, I'm guessing.