I have some odd food allergies too, and I feel awful for the bride whose in-laws are freaking out over the lack of chocolate in the wedding cake.

Which leads me to ask: since when has chocolate been the traditional flavour anywhere? I'm used to fruit cakes (you know, the kind you get the little sliver of, put in the freezer, and re-discover around the couple's tenth anniversary), or plain sponge cakes. I've never heard of chocolate being for weddings.

There's usually a "groom's cake" of chocolate, so the men won't have to eat anything as "sissy" as white cake.

I think we may be experiencing regional/cultural traditions here or something. I've never heard of fruitcake as a wedding cake or a groom's cake either. I've always been to weddings with vanilla wedding cakes and vanilla icing occasionally with a fruit filling between the layers. SOMETIMES on rare occasions, the bottom layer of the wedding cake has been chocolate. I'm thinking the whole vanilla cake thing is a mid-atlantic regional thing, but I could be wrong. I don't go to a lot of weddings in general though - my friends tend not to get married:)

I did choose a chocolate wedding cake but knew there might be some people who didn't eat chocolate so I ordered a grooms cake - decorated reflecting my husband's interests - that everyone loved looking at and it was white inside - no chocolate. I would offer a compromise to mother-in-law and make it clear that they can't have the bride eats the cake in the ceremony if the wedding cake is chocolate but there will be a chocolate option.

White cake is traditional but brides can have anything they want. I've seen cakes that had chocolate in them. Grooms cakes aren't traditional as far as I know, they seem to be a recent phenomenon at pricier weddings.

All of that is irrelevant of course, as it is her wedding and she can do anything she wants. Unless they are paying for the wedding, the grooms parents have no say at all, and as they said themselves- they are guests. It is the guests job to be grateful for the invitation, and be nice.

As for how they will treat her once she is family- probably not well. You can't change people, only your reaction to them. Fortunately it seems that her husband will back her up in the marriage. The best thing she can do is be patient, polite (while standing up for the things that are important to her), and develop a private sense of amusement when they start in ("yep- they they go- that's them all right!" or: "and....... there it is.")

Been there. I feel for ya.

vaoneill:

I did choose a chocolate wedding cake but knew there might be some people who didn't eat chocolate so I ordered a grooms cake - decorated reflecting my husband's interests - that everyone loved looking at and it was white inside - no chocolate. I would offer a compromise to mother-in-law and make it clear that they can't have the bride eats the cake in the ceremony if the wedding cake is chocolate but there will be a chocolate option.

I agree but I think it may be too late for her to go back after she said no. If her mother in law is that demanding and inconsiderate she needs to show now that when she says no she means it, that way once she is married her in laws know not to try to push her around. Its like with bullies you have to stand up to them even if you are nervous because then they know that you aren't an easy target, she needs to show she won't be pushed around.

Prudie missed her calling on this one. The obvious solution is for the bride to have the cake she wants and to also order a flat sheet cake of chocolate from the local grocery store. Since M-I-L is such a pain, I'd make it the richest chocolate I could get with rich chocolate frosting. Maybe an evil looking devil for design on top, or more subtely, the wicked step-mother from Cinderella.

If her MIL gets the idea that she can bitch and howl and "make" her DIL do something like get a chocolate cake for the wedding, this girl is fucked for life. The MIL will be on her like a fat kid on an M & M, trying to push her around and manipulate her.

She needs to tell them that the cake is already ordered and paid for and then SAY NOTHING.

Unless they are paying for the wedding, the grooms parents have no say at all,

Ordinarily I'd agree but I think food allergies do have to trump that.

The best thing she can do is be patient, polite (while standing up for the things that are important to her), and develop a private sense of amusement when they start in ("yep- they they go- that's them all right!" or: "and....... there it is.")

Yeah, I think that's probably about all that she can do, but fiancé seriously needs to step up.

This chick has nothing but headaches and nightmares ahead of her. If she gives in and has a chocolate cake, she'll really be doomed. And the fact that her fiance did nothing more than reiterate the severity of the allergy is a big sign that he's never going to really stand up for her. It doesn't matter how severe the allergy is - he should have said plainly "She's allergic to it, we're not having it, and if you don't like it, you can just stay home. End of discussion."

She really needs to reconsider if she wants to marry into this family, because I guarantee down the road the in-laws are going to "forget" about her allergy and end up putting chocolate in something just out of spite.

Wouldn't waste the money. The bride should tell them to pick up a box of HoHos on the way if they're so desparate for chocolate cake.

Fruit cake is traditional in the UK. In the US, it's a white cake. And not vanilla or "yellow" cake. A special pure white cake. It's made with egg whites instead of whole eggs as a vanilla or yellow cake would be.

This is crazy! It's her wedding, and she can have whatever she wants. As others have said. I have never heard of a chocolate wedding cake myself, as a tradition or anything. I might have seen one once in a magazine. They are usually white with white frosting and accents, aren't they?

Anyway, there are two issues: her allergies, which are serious! And this unreasonable behavior by the in-laws. First off, you only get to be a bridezilla at your own wedding. This bride is the opposite of that - too considerate to these boors. They, on the other hand, are out of hand. They each had or will have their own chance to act out... at their own wedding!

Secondly, her allergy, which could be life-threatening, is a non-negotiable issue. Even if it were a mild allergy, she has every right not to serve a known allergen at her own wedding! If the bride were allergic to shellfish, would they insist that she serve a shrimp dish as the main course, stating that the food is for the guests? What is the bride supposed to eat? And a guest is just that, a guest. If they don't like the menu, they don't have to come. Or, they don't have to eat! Even the mother of the groom.

I am also allergic to chocolate also, not fatally, but pretty severely. I have to stay away from it all of the time. And people offer it to me all of the time, even people who know about my allergy. Most are forgetful, and some are mischievous, but these people are malicious!

I can't believe the bride is even humoring this. I am inclined to say that a last-minute addition of a chocolate confection (not necessarily a cake) might smooth relations, but that other poster had a point that the mother-in-law and groom's sisters are being bullies. So it's a toss up on whether to draw the line in the sand or to use some honey on these flies.

United Against Death by Chocolate (literally)

I agree, to me it looks like some guest spots just opened up.

I love chocolate to no end but our wedding cake was white with strawberry filling. You know, the pretty professional one.

The groom's cake was a box german chocolate cake with canned icing because next to a black forest cherry cake it's my favorite. I know, they're supposed to be red velvet cakes in the shape of an armadillo but I like to live on the edge.

It appears at this point the consenus is not to give in (are you reading, Bride?), and I agree.

If MIL had been reasonable in any way, bride may have considered some chocolate petit-fours or something. Or, if she knew that MIL absolutely loved chocolate (and she actually liked her MIL), then she may have considered some work-around just because she loved her.

But as it stands, she doesn't, MIL is insane, and the only way to be on top of bullying is to not cave.

And groom's cakes are just another manufactured "need" the wedding industry has come up with; it's not traditional, most people don't do it, and the cake is just a cake - it wasn't meant to symbolize the bride's "personality," so there's no need to make one for the groom. If you want chocolate that's what tiers are for.