The headline for this week's inane and mindless letters reads like this: "Is there conception etiquette?"

I can only imagine the husband's side of a telephone conversation. It helps if you can remember who Bob Newhart was. "Oh, excuse me ... what was that? You think you might be ovulating today and you want me to come home? Well, um, I can't come home just now - you - you're there and waiting on me? Well. Let me check my schedule. Yes, I think I could be home by 6:00. What? You're worried about what my sister might think......my sister? Um, you're worried what my sister might think about what? Oh. What my sister might think about us trying to have a baby when she just had a miscarriage? Dear me...."

The LW's thought processes are simply unimaginable. The thought flashed through my mind - what a bunch of maroons! There is no etiquette at all. It's kind of messy and it's great fun. They should just <link>

A miscarriage is great fun?

Look, I suspect that if the LW conceives shortly after the sister miscarried, the sister is going to be jealous, disappointed, and sad. (She should keep those feelings to herself as much as possible, but that doesn't mean she won't be feeling them). Maybe your experience has been different from mine, but I don't see why it's so unimaginable for the LW to consider what her sister might be going through.

I grant you, the LW's a bit silly to say "should we wait," and she's counting her chickens before they hatch. She should have written in simply to say, "how can I be sensitive to my sister's loss while still celebrating my pregnancy?"

People would really like to forget that making babies can be chancy and difficult for lots of couples. The image people have of pregnancy is that it's easy and uncomplicated when the truth if far from that.

I would try to be as synpathetic to the sister-in-law after her miscarriage as possible. I know it can be devastating, and a couple with multiple miscarriages can lose hope. Still, someone else's miscarriage just can't be a consideration in a couple's family planning process.

All this I agree with.

Tom_Tildrum:

She should have written in simply to say, "how can I be sensitive to my sister's loss while still celebrating my pregnancy?"

Except she already expressed her earlier jealousy that the sil would be "first". She already had her mind made up, but wanted justification for bringing up every detail - each bout of morning sickness, each movement, each doctor's visit, 8 x 10 copies of the ultrasound, or maybe a DVD ...

What would be appropriate would be to live her life, not to announce a pregnancy until about the time she'll be showing, and to speak privately to the sil & the sil's husband about it. Something along the lines of, "We wanted you to be one of the first to know that we're having a baby. We understand it may be uncomfortable for you right now, but we hope that once the baby is born, you'll be able to love him or her as much as you would have had you not miscarried. We hope you'll be able to have one yourself soon, so they can grow up as friends as well as cousins."

tonto_goldberg:

People would really like to forget that making babies can be chancy and difficult for lots of couples. The image people have of pregnancy is that it's easy and uncomplicated when the truth if far from that.

4 billion third worlders would disagree. They apparently find it easy enough!

I was thinking the same thing Progue, only about all those little teenagers that seem to get pregnant every time a boy looks at them hard!

I'm not saying that some people don't really struggle with pregnancy but if you look at society as a whole, the problem is that people get pregnant way to easy.

Susan, it's not the looking part that gets those little girls pregnant. I have an aunt that had several miscarriages before she had her two kids, but you're right. Overall, there are way too many people that get pregnant way too easily.

tonto_goldberg:

Susan, it's not the looking part that gets those little girls pregnant.

Well, she did say "looks at them hard."

Freudian slip of the week. :-)

Ehh, I knew somebody was going to make a joke about it but couldn't come up with alternate wording pre-caffeine this morning :)

:O

Oh!

Had no idea!!

SusanM:

.........................all those little teenagers that seem to get pregnant every time a boy looks at them hard!

Pogue Mahone:

tonto_goldberg:

People would really like to forget that making babies can be chancy and difficult for lots of couples. The image people have of pregnancy is that it's easy and uncomplicated when the truth if far from that.

4 billion third worlders would disagree. They apparently find it easy enough!

Wow, what an a**hole thing to say. Complications from pregnancy and childbirth are the leading cause of death for young women in developing countries. About half a million women die every year from pregnancy-related causes. Some sources estimate that a woman dies every minute due to pregnancy & childbirth. Is that easy enough for you?

No,,you still don't get it Tildrum. It's no one's damn business. Are you going to call your sis-in-law and let her know when you poop also? Gee,,,wouldn't want to hurt her feelings over this one, right? LOL.

I am still trying to figure what marbles a woman has between her ears to conceptually think of such a notion, "conception eqituette?". Prudence was correct; it stays in the bedroom. If the sis-in-law "feels" jealous, sad, mad, or whatever, that is her problem and something that she needs to work out.

We American's have become why too outwardly with out personal lives. It needs to be reined in and to stay within our homes.

If I was in your family, I would indeed refrain from sharing my feelings with you. ;-)