to defend their opposition to a public option, Big Health lobbyists have adopted a new metaphor - sell food like health care, to demonstrate how successful private options and markets are over commie-socialist public options - reforms in the retail food market would include:

1) remove all prices on all food products - decisions about food purchases must be made without knowing what prices are, which are only revealed at check-out in a final bill, rounded up to the nearest thousand dollars - sale and discount signage like "free with purchase of one heart attack treatment for $100k - one gall bladder removal" are not allowed

2) remove all labels on all food products - decisions about what kind and how much food is purchased must be made blindly among packages of food in plain brown wrappers, for which the content is revealed only after check-out - even after eating the food, one cannot be sure what was eaten - it may be for a heart attack or gall bladder, but certainty occurs only when the package is empty and both are denied

3) most food cannot be purchased directly, and must go through a general food provider hired by the consumer to order and authorize the purchase of food, who spend years in food school to learn what's inside all those plain brown wrappers - but they don't study prices and volume, other than to understand they have no upper limit - general food providers work closely with specialist food providers to send consumers to restaurants where the menus are blank, which specialists interpret for very high fees, again, revealed only at check-out

4) insured food must go through insurers who presumably sell catastrophic food for unexpected starving spells, for high premiums designed to avoid ruinous charges assessed by food providers for uninsured catastrophic food - however, the premiums are so high and the coverage so poor, combined with exploding food prices - even for non-catastrophic food - there's no longer any difference between insured and uninsured food - either one can result in starvation - studies show food insurance is redundant, adding 30% to the cost of food with no additional nutritional value

clearly, this metaphor demonstrates how a commie-socialist public option for health care would destroy free choice for consumers among competing insurers and providers for products and services like heart attack treatment and gall bladder removal, not to mention tongue depressors for checking a sore throat

reject the public option and support best practices to defend your right to choose - let insurers and providers continue to control access and price to health care - let the private market do its miracle in health care markets, like it does in retail food markets

This is hilarious. I can't tell for sure whether the last couple of paragraphs are part of the joke or a reversion to ranting -- and that makes it funnier, in any case.

Commie-Socialist public option? I just wet my red undies!

Very good.

:-)