Dear Immigrant and Fiance and You--

So, you are now engaged to a guy who 1) wants to control who you communicate with because he thinks that you are in such poor control of your hormones that you're liable to jump on the next old boyfriend that gives you the nod and 2) instead of recognizing when he's being irrational, blames it all on that horrible, philandering, hussy of a mother that messed him up. Am I the only who sees this as a problem? Maybe you're thinking you can fix him? Are you thinking you're going to be the one to restore his faith in womankind? Sorry, if you want a "project", get yourself an antique car or something. Guys cannot be "fixed".

As an aside, I know it won't be too much longer until we get some guy who'll be all irate at old man-hatin' Prudie for telling the LW to drop this guy. Boo-freakin-hoo. If the genders were reversed the advice would still make sense, so suck it up. Just figured I'd say that in advance.

Dear Meanie Mom--

Um, you were a thirteen-year-old girl once, right? In case you've forgotten, they're ALL mean. You may have the rich-bitchy preppy girls at the top of the food chain who are the meanest, but even the girl who's second from the bottom will beat up on the bottom-most girl just to make herself feel better (I know because I did it when I was thirteen.) Chances are pretty good that your daughter was going along with what all the other girls were doing, too. Chances are also pretty good that your daughter was picked on in the past herself--try reminding her of how crappy that made her feel. Of course if she is actually one of the preppy girls at the top of the food chain and has never been picked on in her life, I don't know what to tell you.

And as for talking to the girl's mother about it? Good grief, no. Her showing up at the party sounds like one of the most agregious examples of heliocopter parenting that I've heard in a while. No wonder the kid wasn't invited to the party. Making sure that your own kid turns out to be a halfway decent human being is your job; but the kids need to learn how to resolve some of this stuff themselves.

Dear Disgusted--

Oh gag me already. Look, it is not a grandparent's job to study Junior's letter to Santa and get him the $50 handcarved teak building blocks that he absolutely needs. And it's YOUR job to teach little Junior to be polite and say thank-you to Grandma and Grandpa even if all they give him is a pair of Grandma's old support hose. Because he's not going to have Grandma and Grandpa around forever.

I was reminded of my grandma who, like a lot of Depression-era people, was very frugal. I sometimes got some funky gifts from her when I was growing up. One year when I was in college, she sent me a latch-hook kit for my birthday. It was for a gawdawful wall hanging with "Jesus Is Lord" in huge letters surrounded by a tacky floral border, that she probably picked up at the Ben Franklin for a couple of bucks. I actually started working on it during study breaks (I still haven't finished it.) I can't imagine that I'd ever actually hang it up anywhere, but you know what? My grandma isn't around anymore, but whenever I see that stupid latch-hook kit I think of her, and how she taught me how to knit and do embroidery (and, yes, latch-hook) when I visited her as a kid.

Hopefully, in the future your kids will be able to look at those cheap, garage-sale toys and be fondly reminded of their grandparents. That won't happen if they only hear you bitching about the stuff they got.

Dear Peeved--

Unfortunately most people get their knowledge of how the criminal justice system works from TV. I think a handy comeback might be "You do know that we're not on Law & Order right now, right?" Or maybe just don't go to those sorts of parties.

(By the way, doctors might not get "How does it feel to accidentally kill someone?" but they do get plenty of patients who get upset when you haven't diagnosed their problem in just under sixty minutes--thanks, "House". Good grief, I hate that show.)

Grungie, what made you think in the letter that the Latin lover is an immigrant? Isn't he coming to the US on some sort of work assignment, just as she did in his own country?

Oh just look through the posts, Grungie. Everyone's got their knickers in a knot over the first letter. Lots of raging all around!

Excellent job, especially on #3.

I could always count on my own grandmother to send me an 8-pack of crayons & a coloring book at Christmas, and a dollar in my birthday card. But she was old and retired, and had a LOT of grandchildren. When I got too old for coloring books, she would regift appliances she never used, like toasters or blenders, or give me various things from around ber house, like books or paintings.

When I see the various knickknacks she gave me in her final years, it makes me smile.. Even though I would never have given 10 cents for all of these items combined in an "antique" shop, to me these are priceless.

Excellent stuff, Grungie. I'm wiling to bet right here and now that if all four took your advise, they'd each be 100% better off tomorrow. Unfortunately, I thin that only #2 and 4 have a chance of any improvement. I fear #1 is already stuck (just writing in to Prudie, to me, means she's too far gone--I would have told him to kiss my ass at "you will never..."), and #3 is hopeless. She was actually offended by how her in-laws spent their own money! But, it doesn't mean we can't hope, right? Good job. :-)

kati:

Grungie, what made you think in the letter that the Latin lover is an immigrant? Isn't he coming to the US on some sort of work assignment, just as she did in his own country?

I only used the term because LW #1 did (note how she signed her letter.)