People don't fundamentally change just because their circumstances do. The ones who are bitchy and judgmental when times are tough were bitchy and judgmental when they had money. It was just more fun with money.

You are right, we probably all had more patience with the bitchiness and found it funnier than now when we are scrounging fro grocery and rent money.

I agree with the unpleasant before/after job loss theory...I've got a few friends who've been laid off, but most others have (thankfully) made it through layoffs ok. We're all working harder, but even in the good times - and most of us are in finance - I avoided hanging out with people who discussed money or salaries. This is somewhat a cultural thing, since I'm not from around here. Also, when a friend does get laid off, we all put out feelers for job postings, keep in touch with the job seeker, and get together for game night and a potluck. Sensitivity, in these situations, doesn't mean walking on eggshells if someone loses his/her job.

Friends who will treat you poorly, or even differently, in a recession (just in my opinion) were never very good friends.

Discussing salaries does seem boorish, but I think discussing money can be helpful (if it's not just "I sure love rolling around in it before bed"). I have found that among people who avoid the subject of money are either A.) doing far better than their peers and discussing it would feel awkward and self-aggrandizing for them or B.) Doing really poorly and, having spent all their money and then some on "keeping up appearances", aren't about to blow it by pulling back the curtain. Some people keep up appearances so thoroughly that they fool even themselves; they remind me of college students who spend all of finals week in the library texting on their phones and then are genuinely shocked when they flunk: "But I spent all week in the library!" They are the kinds who, when media pundits say that "maybe this recession will get people to live within their means again", protest "But I WAS living within my means" not realizing that operating within your means doesn't refer to making one paycheck last till the next paycheck, thereby avoiding payday loan.

But there's a kind of solidarity to be found in everyone being so much in the same boat that money can be discussed and tips shared (where you got a great rate for a CD in this crappy economy; how you shaved more expenses off your budget).

I'm not saying either of these non-money-discussers is you, by the way. I got the impression by the way you put money and salary together that you're talking about avoiding blowhards.

The only way to understand if you are getting fair offers when job hunting is to discuss money with others, at least with those in your field.