I have a 52 year old single female friend who's been invited to a party by an aquaintance. She's a mother of three but is very physically fit for her age. There is a hot tub at the party and my friend went out to buy herself three bikini bathing suits and is excited about showing off her body at this event. My initial reaction was to try and steer her toward a more modest appearance but decided it is not my place to project my values on her. This party will be attended primarily by married couples and I feel like my friend may be scorned by the married women there because she is so physically attractive, or leered at by the men. Should I keep my opinion to myself?

Is she really expecting to wear three suits at one party? Let her flaunt it and MYOB.

syntax, I have a strict policy about other people: I don't get embarrassed by their actions, I don’t get into their business (unsolicited), and I strive to never allow myself to think that I have any say over what they choose to do (the exception here is that children sometimes need unsolicited guidance, but your friend is clearly no child). Hell, we can barely keep our own lives straight in this world! I find offering unsolicited advice to others to be generally unwise. The only time it might be acceptable is if you know something exceptional that someone doesn’t (like that the friends are of a religion or belief that will cause them to enter the hot tub fully clothed, and expect the same of their guests and anyone not conforming will be shot on sight).

In this case, you’re not only considering offering advice to your friend (which is clearly coming from a good and decent place--I’m not attacking you!), but you’re also projecting how others might react to your friend’s choice. That's like a double whammy! And, you’re getting worried about it before it even happens! I say you’re causing yourself way too much stress and that you should sit back and enjoy the view. Life’s too short. :-)

Should I keep my opinion to myself?

Yes.

syntax:

The party will be attended primarily by married couples and I feel like my friend may be scorned by the married women there because she is so physically attractive, or leered at by the men.

First, if men leer, they're disgusting and she'll figure out a way around it (perhaps wearing something light while she's out of the tub).

Second, if women have any jealousy over her, that's their problem (this has always been my philosophy). One doesn't stop dressing up because others dress down, nor does one gain weight because others do (I'm guessing some of these wives might be a tad heavier, given your message?).

Third, the insinuation that all married women are harpies over single pretty girls is depressing, and at least not true with me (married several years). I would hate to think that I'm judged as "likely to be jealous" simply because someone else is not married and near my husband. What, have I lost all my looks with that "I do"? I don't think so...

Yes, you should keep your opinion to yourself. The worse case scenario won't really harm her so just let it be.

What kind of party is it? Won't everyone else there be in bathing suits as well? Perhaps I'm missing something, but unless your friend is planning to show up in the bikini, not bring a cover up or other clothes, and the dress code is semi-formal, I'm guessing it's not going to be an issue.

Yes, of course everyone in a hot tub will have a bathing suit on. The problem is, within that age group, the vast majority of women will NOT have a body they'll want to display in a bikini. For one single hottie to show up in a bikini and attract the attention of all the married men there will not sit well with the married ladies, I can assure you. For a 52 year old woman to present herself as eye candy in a group of married couples is asking for trouble. I knew I could count on the collected wisdom here to take the well-worn low road. Thanks for giving me a clear direction.

syntax:

...I knew I could count on the collected wisdom here to take the well-worn low road. Thanks for giving me a clear direction.

Ah! It appears I misjudged your query. You weren't actually asking for advice or thoughts on the issue.

nagatuki:

syntax:

The party will be attended primarily by married couples and I feel like my friend may be scorned by the married women there because she is so physically attractive, or leered at by the men.

First, if men leer, they're disgusting

No they aren't. Just human and still alive. If she wears a skimpy bikini because she wants to show off her hot bod, more power to her and to the men who're leering - it's precisely what she's after. Everyone wins (well, except perhaps the less "hot" wives...)

syntax:

For one single hottie to show up in a bikini and attract the attention of all the married men there will not sit well with the married ladies, I can assure you. For a 52 year old woman to present herself as eye candy in a group of married couples is asking for trouble.

Let's think about that though. What you are advocating is that a woman should hide something that she has worked hard for and is justifiably proud of, to avoid making other women jealous.

First problem - women hurt their own self esteem when they hide their achievements to fit in.

Second problem - women who would actually react negitively to another woman's accomplishments are bitches that will only cause more problems in the future. Better to know the bitches from the beginning so they can be avoided.

Third problem - somebody claiming to be this woman's friend is actually advocating that she hurt her self esteem and suck up to the bitches. Unless I'm misunderstanding you?

syntax:

. For a 52 year old woman to present herself as eye candy in a group of married couples is asking for trouble.

So it would be OK if she were 21?

What's wrong with wearing a bikini to an event where bathing suits are appropriate if you have the body to show it? As a married woman, I take offense that you would think that I would automatically scorn a woman for being more attractive than myself. Let's face it, no matter good looking you are, there's always someone hotter. I am secure in the knowledge that my husband loves me. I also feel you are being harsh on the men as well.

Keep your opinion to yourself.

Terrils:

syntax:

. For a 52 year old woman to present herself as eye candy in a group of married couples is asking for trouble.

So it would be OK if she were 21?

No, it wouldn't be ok. But you could almost excuse it with a 21 year old as a lack of common sense. A 52 yo woman should know better.

syntax:

Yes, of course everyone in a hot tub will have a bathing suit on. The problem is, within that age group, the vast majority of women will NOT have a body they'll want to display in a bikini. For one single hottie to show up in a bikini and attract the attention of all the married men there will not sit well with the married ladies, I can assure you.

Why? Are all your friends insecure bitches? Are all their husbands 16 and unable to do anything but follow a nice pair of tits?

If she has a nice body, it's going to be obvious no matter what bathing suit she wears. Should attractive single women wear a burkha?

syntax:

For a 52 year old woman to present herself as eye candy in a group of married couples is asking for trouble.

What's so special about 52? Would it be ok if she was 51? 70? 20?

syntax:

I knew I could count on the collected wisdom here to take the well-worn low road. Thanks for giving me a clear direction.

I think everyone told you to MYOB, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're going to do.