I figure in the quiet of last week's letter and this week, I can sneak in and try to grab some much needed advice, if you all would be so willing and patient. Advice columnists never seem to respond to any questions I ask them (I've asked many 2 or 3 in my life) so I'm hoping you good people can help me out.

Right now, I'm teaching English in Japan through a program called JET. It was always my dream to come here, and I was thrilled when I was accepted. When you're accepted, you're given a year's contract, and if you fulfill that contract, a plane ticket home.

I moved here in late July, and at first, everything was pretty nice. I made some friends at Orientation, I spoke some Japanese, and I was excited to actually start teaching and get to know my students.

But things quickly went downhill. One of my new fellow JETs was a girl I couldn't stand; honestly, nearly every sentence out of her mouth made me want to throw things at her. I tried to limit my contact with her, but my prefecture is small and closely-knit; and the friends I had made at Orientation suddenly decided they wanted her in on our intimiate little group. Because she was sweet, bubbly, physically attractive and vapid, I was ostracized and branded a drama queen.

I tried to come to Japan with few expectations, but I couldn't avoid the ones that JET fosters in its participants. 1) Students will love you (because you're foreign!) 2) People will want to help you, and will be impressed by your Japanese even if all you can manage is "Konnichiwa." 3) Things will be tough, but you'll get over it.

I found none of these to be true. Students didn't just NOT love me... they hated talking to me. If I tried, they would stare at me in stony silence. When I tried to do activities in class, students rarely participated, and because my Japanese is limited, I had no way to disciplining them, or even talking to them. Their response was routinely "I donto speak Engalish!" Some students were even downright rude-calling me ugly and fat, and always out of the hearing range of other Japanese teachers.

9 months later, and I haven't had much progress. So, I am a failure at my job.

I have made no friends while here, foreign or Japanese. The foreigners only want to drink-drink often, and drink a lot, something I've never had a talent for. The drinking culture here seems worse than it did in college! When I tried to complain to a few people that all our JET activities focused around alcohol, I was called a prude and a killjoy. I've tried to join activities, but my town is simply too small, and too rural. A local taiko druming group doesn't accept foreigners. I've been taking private Japanese lessons for months, but whenever I attempt to talk to someone at the gym I joined, they simply look at me strangely, and then walk away.

My original plan was to stay here a year, and then transition into graduate school. However, I didn't have Internet in my apartment for the first 3 months-which meant no way to getting acceptance letters from professors overseas in time. Frankly, my chances were never good to begin with-I graduated with only a 2.99.

So, when the deadline to decide whether to recontract came in February, I did. The money is good, and I had nothing to go back to.

Recently, though, the decision has been weighing heavily on me. I try to get out of my apartment as often as I can, just walking, or talking the hour train ride to get some Starbucks, but the fact is, I'm lonely and miserable.

By pure chance, I discovered that I could go back to college and earn a 2nd degree-thereby vastly improving my GPA and getting some of the coursework I need to be more appealing to potential grad programs. I could get the degree in just under a year, and because I would be a student again, my campus jobs said they would eagerly hire me back.

The problem is, I've already recontracted. I've signed on for a 2nd year. I plan to finish off my first year, of course (through the end of July), but I am afraid that breaking my contract will leave a permeant black mark on my resume. Also, I don't have a whole lot of savings... I'd be going back to the States with just $2000 saved.

My parents are heavily against me breaking contract. They say that financial stability should be my first priority, and I should never leave a job I've agreed to. The few other JETs I've told are also against me going; how could I give up such an "amazing life experience!"

I need to decide, and very soon, if I want to give my schools a chance to get a new JET in time. I apologize for such a long post, but I'm desperate for advice. Thank you for your time.

Does the JET program have a supervisor or program director you can talk with? You need to level with them regarding how you feel about things. You can't be the first JET to have this set of problems. You are not going to find the kind of expertise you need anywhere around here. So find that supervisor or program director.

There's not a lot of positive in your comments about your life right now. If nothing else, it sounds like you need a transfer but you should not be making any decisions by yourself. For what it's worth, "konnichiwa" might be a good word, but I would bet that more people would be impressed with "douzo" and "gurache". I understand that bowing is pretty big in Japan although I have not been there myself.

Bailing out on the program would be a negative but life lasts a long time and you are just getting started.

You can probably find some english language courses, which will fit into your second degree, nearby and keep your job with JET. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't just be "taking private japanese lessons" I would be enrolled in a deep-immersion program that pushes you to learn the language as quickly and as thoroughly as possible.

You probably have a terrible accent so the people that you talk to can't understand what you are saying, that's why they "look at you strangely and walk away".

Get some brochures on alcoholism and leave them in strategic places. Maybe someone will get the hint. Alternatively, you can hang out with these people and drink soda or juice, you don't have to get falling down drunk with them. I used to hang around with a group like that. I would have one or two mixed drinks early on and finish the night with virgin drinks (i.e. no alcohol content). None of them ever knew.

Next time someone calls you fat or ugly, turn to them and say "I know you are but what am I". (repeat as needed)

Or just tell them that their life must really be lousy if they need to call other people names just to make themselves feel good.

In my opinion, finish your 2nd year, then go back to school. Try and find some courses nearby that will give you credit that you can take back to the states. Save more money, just in case.

@Somebody

Thanks, I appreciate your suggestions.... unfortunately, where I am and what I'm doing just don't allow for them. I live in a very rural area... the closest university that offers any college-level courses in English is in Tokyo (about $150 or 6 hours one way), and they don't offer any online courses. I would love an intensive immersion course... of course, you could argue that's my whole life. Outside of school, I'm doing nothing BUT hearing Japanese, needing to speak Japanese. (There is the occassional cab driver who wants to sharpen his English skills.) The only improvement I could do over my tutor are language-exchange classes, 3 hours, on Sundays, in my capital city once a week (about an hour train ride away.)

I do like the "I know you are but what am I"... unfortunately, my Japanese just can't keep up to theirs. When I attempt a response, they either just laugh at my Japanese, or throw faster, more grammatically advanced Japanese at me that I can't understand, leaving me the moron holding the plate. I've tried responding in snappy English... but of course they don't understand what I'M saying, so it's easily ignored. The best defense I've found is just to always be within ear shot of other teachers.... though they're not always a great help themselves... (When a student asked a fellow JET if she was a virgin and enjoyed "playing sex," the Japanese teacher just stood there and laughed at how embarrassed the JET got.)

I don't mean these to sound like excuses. I'm just thinking out loud, and I really appreciate the input. I'll definitely try out the pamphlet idea.

Honestly if I were you I'd just go back. It's not about the fact that you don't know Japanese or that you don't like drinking, but you just don't seem to be happy there at all. Whether it's you or the environment doesn't make that much of a difference at this point, since once people form a certain opinion of you it's hard to change it. Also it's not a guarantee that you'll be happier when you come back but it's a little bit easier in your own culture and it's also easier to find people who think like you.

Since you already have a plan (and I am assuming acceptance to that program) for what you do when you get home, and some savings, I'd just go back. 2000 doesn't sound like a lot at all but many people your age don't even have that and you have a job back home already lined up. As far as the black mark on your resume I really would not worry about it. I've known people who broke off more serious contracts because of emergencies ... it happens.

It kind of sounds to me like you're depressed too - and I think it would be easier for you to deal with that back home.

I'm going to vote that you stay for a couple reasons.

The first one is going to sound pretty harsh but I've found that unfortunately, harsh is what does it sometimes. One of my favorite radio stations around here has a great little line they play sometimes - "Good decisions come from experience, experience comes from bad decisions". You made a decision to stay based on some pretty poor criteria - you felt like you had no other options so, even though you knew you hated this, you signed up anyway. The natural consequences of this is another sucky year in Japan, which is bad but you can do it and come out of it in good shape. Ride out your bad decisions in cases where you are not actually going to be harmed from it and there is still something to be gained, and you'll come out from it a better person. After going through that year, I bet you are not going to just accept that 'no other options' trick your mind played on you again.

The second is tied in with the first in that, school will still be waiting for you in a year! You won't lose anything out by waiting and who knows, maybe an even better third option would come along in a year. In the meantime, do a lot of online research about job prospects for graduate students. I think that job market is a lot tighter than you might realize. I'd hate to see you flee from one bad situation into another.

The third is, it sounds like you are making progress. You are taking lessons (I thought Incog's idea for computer based support sounded great too!). You are getting to know the area, the people around you. You could be pleasantly surprised to find that this growth, plus a little more would take you back into the mind frame where you really could enjoy Japan like you thought you would in the beginning.

If you are unhappy and friendless, feel that your students humiliate you and refuse to learn, feel that you don't have what it takes to be part of your JET group or be part of the town culture, if you don't have anything making you happy there — LEAVE. Eff it. Chalk it up to experience while you're in your early 20s.

This job and this town are not a good fit for you, and while you may not be at the point where you're lying in your bed wondering WTF is wrong with you that you just can't make this work, you *will* be there, miserable. If you think leaving will screw this up for you, well, so what? Screw something up for yourself completely! You are what, 23? 24?

Forget talking to your folks. Talk to the person administrating your program. Tell them specifically why you are not happy, why this is a bad fit and that you can't take another year. Apologize for having reupped your contract when clearly even sticking it out one whole year was longer than you can manage. Tell them you're not experienced enough to teach, that you're in over your head and your students will be glad you're gone anyway and the incredibly cold town you're in won't give a damn, either.

Right now, your options all sound pretty meager. But you know you are wanted in one place: Your old college. Go back there and lick your wounds with people you know. I understand — more than you know — about how demoralizing an experience like this is. I know how much you want to make good on your promises and the guilt that will entail.

But I also know that when it comes to your mental health, being in a place where you're isolated and in a job you're not ready for, it's time to throw in the towel.

When you go back to college, you won't take it for granted. And you'll have a better sense of what you will want to do with your life. You'll be better prepared to study and plan for your future. You'll have people who know you and accept you. You can leave Japan on the other side of the world.

Good luck!

you have a dilemma. But I don't think this is that big of a life decision. In 10-20 years, you could just as easily say "I'm glad I stayed" as "I'm glad I left."

Pros to staying - there's something to be said for sticking it out. Also, if you're into creative pursuits, this is a great environment. My time alone to think when I was around your age became the bedrock of my adult personality. When I need to "dig deep" I go back to those days, even though I was miserable like you are now.

Pros to going - A great piece of advice I got one time is life is too short to hate your job. It goes for anything-- relationships, houses, cars. Point being, staying would work your willpower and self-reflective skills; going would work your courage and adaptability skills.

That's why I said you really can't lose big either way. You either cowboy up and keep learning from your situation, or bail and get on with your life. I've done both at various times in an utterly haphazard fashion, and it's mostly worked.

The harsh fact is that the Japanese are a bunch of racist fucks who hate gaijin more than anything else on their overcrowded flashing, beeping hell-hole of an island and who would happily decapitate you or run over your fucking feet in a Shinhoto tank if their police didn't have an absolutely outrageous 99% conviction rate. Unlike shame-faced Germans, the Japanese don't feel guilty in the slightest over their WW2 atrocities and for bed time reading they like nothing more than getting out a scrapbook filled with pictures of starving allied POWs and rubbing themselves to a frenzy like a Geisha on fucking ecstasy. 

You need to get the hell out of there and transport your ass over to Korea where they still eat dogs, it's true, but they also know a thing or two about Japanese imperialism and persecution and they will probably kiss your ass and call it ice cream if you told them how you disembowelled a couple of snot-nosed nip teenagers with a sushi knife.

God bless and good luck, Clayton  xx

Another couple of thoughts - if this was graduate school, or something where completing 2 years meant something, I'd say stick it out until the end. As it is, there's no reason to test your willpower just to punish yourself for the bad decision you made while you were not in a good emotional state.

My personal thoughts about the program you're in - they take people with no education background (not sure if you have any but I know it's not required) and throw them in a foreign setting with very little training. I know 2 people who were in this program (one still is) and both of them did have a great time. They went out a lot, got drunk a lot, oh yeah and they taught a bit. Neither of them really cared about any of the things you are mentioning - learning Japanese, connecting with the students, fitting into the environment. The guy who is there now says he likes his students and they like him because he doesn't bother them.

If you wanted this opportunity to visit a foreign country, well you accomplished that already. If you wanted this opportunity to teach, well you just simply weren't given the right tools to be effective in that setting (even if you might be very effective in other settings, with proper education).

I think life is too short to waste it by deliberately doing things that you do not enjoy when you have other options that seem more appealing to you. Your 20s fly by so fast you hardly notice them. You will be completing your original contract, so you did give this a fair shot.

jeez, is it any suprise you only had a 2.99 GPA? Quite whining and realize you're the source of your problems. You haven't made any friends there because, based on your post, you appear to have a toxic personality.

Obviously, it isn't working out there, but apparently, for some stupid reason, you decided to sign up for another year of the same. My suggestion, if your future plans (yeah, like you have a plan) include some sort of forey into overseas/Asian relations, stick it out to learn Japanese and the culture. Otherwise, no matter how good the money, the path you are taking is a dead end and it's time to change.

KA

is her story about taking the train an hour to get Starbucks. I'm not kidding when I say I've read short stories not half as interesting as just that little bit!

I agree with you that in every practical sense, she should get the hell out of Dodge. Still, there's something sublime about this experience, if she's the kind of person who would be sensitive to it.

I'd just bolster Claina's story about how the people she knew in the program coped by drinking and not giving a shit and that was what made them feel somewhat successful at it. I've got some friends who were in the Peace Corps and couldn't hack it. Thrown into tiny towns with little in the way of resources and language training and, after being put through interviews that screened them to be sufficiently self-motivated and idealistic, told not to expect to do any modest projects at all. Basically: Sit on your ass for two years and try to make people enthused enough about the idea of a new well that they may eventually pitch in and make it happen after you leave.

This is exactly the opposite of what makes for a successful project.

It's very discouraging when your idealism runs smack up against reality. I'm not sure how things may be different, as one of the friends is in her 50s and the other in his 20s. Both bonked and felt terrible about themselves for a good while after. I can't tell you how much good it did them to hear about each other and know they weren't alone.

Failing in the kind of completely unsupportive environment you describe is the reality! You don't have to be a part of it! Don't let those depression chemicals change your brain one more bit. You're young and if this is the worst failure you ever are a part of, that's a good track record.

Thanks to everyone for your responses! They're really helpful, and I appreciate the new information to chew on. (Though note to KalAl: my overall GPA was a 2.99, but my GPA in my major-history-was a 3.6. The humanities just didn't quite outbalance the abysmal math and science grades.)

If anyone is interested in Japanese learning, I have been messing around with some online tools that are really great: 1) www.iknow.co.jp (also great for studying GRE vocab), 2) www.japanesepod101.com. The Japanese Podcast is a little like what you were talking about, InCog... it's a great tool, I highly recommend it. What I'm running into is something they warned about at the Orientation... that if you're an intermediate learner, you'll eventually run into a wall, a plateau phase of your learning. I hit it a few months into my time here, and I'm still hoping to overcome it, though I'm running out of ideas.

Also, I'll say that though I've been lonely and miserable, I don't regret this year... The small nuances of culture and isolated living make for some interesting stories and things to reflect on. I'm happy to have had this experience. (If ya like that Starbucks reference, just wait til I tell you where the nearest store with sour cream is!) I'm just trying to decide if a 2nd year is really going to yield that much benefit, with all these other things stacked against it.

And for the record, the only requirements for joining the program are a bachelor's degree, and (hopefully) a desire to work with children, though I know enough JETs that come here just to prolong getting into the real world and have no wish to actually teach. It's been remarked on before that it seems the best way to survive in this job is not to give a f*ck about it, and to drink a lot.