the lousy husband you are shedding is her father.

What really marks this particular Prudence is her failure to listen. The mother said that he was "absent," not lousy. And if he's absent, he's not really much of a father figure, as Prudie implies, is he?

Can't help but think that this Prudie is purposefully awful just to generate more clicks, which is what all these Slate writers want, of course.

Larry2:

And if he's absent, he's not really much of a father figure, as Prudie implies, is he? Can't help but think that this Prudie is purposefully awful just to generate more clicks...

Larry, I don't think that Prudie said anything about a father figure. That's a "dad." Father is a biological word. When Prudie says, "...husband you are shedding is her father," it seems to me that she's making two very specific distinctions. Mom is shedding a husband and all of the "stuff" that goes along with a spouse, but, she's also potentially driving a divorce wedge between the daughter and her "father." To me, there's no "stuff" with that term, no judgement. It's all potential and context-driven. If the LW feels there's no connection between the "father" and the daughter, the advice stands. If, however, there is something, the advice still stands. The LW is the one who has to determine context of that relationship, though, as there's not enough info for Prudie to do so. To me, Prudies neutral use of the word "father" versus "dad" is key.

IMHO, anyway.

Larry2:

the lousy husband you are shedding is her father.

What really marks this particular Prudence is her failure to listen. The mother said that he was "absent," not lousy. And if he's absent, he's not really much of a father figure, as Prudie implies, is he?

Can't help but think that this Prudie is purposefully awful just to generate more clicks, which is what all these Slate writers want, of course.

Another way is going to work early, staying late, hitting the gym or the golf course on weekends, as others have assumed.

Another way is to be present, but to be tuned out, as my father was. I honestly asked myself as a child what fathers were for, since all I knew about fathers is they came home from work, ate, took over the TV, and slept on the couch until time to go to bed. No interaction, and least little that was positive.

A final way (I'm sure there are more) for a husband to be absent is to be so involved with the kids that the relationship with the spouse suffers. This can be positive or negative involvement, e.g. coaching the kids' little league team as opposed to molesting the children. It may be that this father was more wrapped up in his daughter than in his wife. He may have told her how pretty she was, while neglecting telling his wife. I really suspect that this sort of absence is more the case for this LW.