Afraid I don't get Prudie's latest advice vis a vis the cat (i.e. suck it up)

Toss the cat in the living room, deal with the noise as the cat attempts to get in and eventually the cat will understand that it isn't going in the bedroom.

I did the exact same thing with my cat. My girlfriend was ready to cave at the pathetic mewling and throwing at the door, and now the cat sleeps on her chair and couldn't care less.

Spending another 15 years with a loud/furry/shedding chainsaw sleeping on the bed isn't the answer.

I must disagree. I've grown up with cats, and cats sleeping with me. My current husband took some time to get used to it, but get used to it he did. He got the fact about how my cats were part of my "family". (He didn't have pets growing up.) The cat is a part of the package she's dating. Obviously her BF feels strongly about his furry friend, and she needs to "get" it.

I was a little unnerved about how she referred to the cat in the video as an "it" so I'm getting the feeling she's not really 1) a cat person, 2) a pet person, or 3) some combo of above.

You can try putting the cat in the other room - it might or might not work.

She can always try earplugs, too.

I concur with Roseygal regarding the cat's status in the relationship - when she started dating the guy, he already had a long-term (I'll assume about four years given the age of the cat) relationship with his pet. They've been together six months, which, in comparison, isn't that long at all.

If she's really in good relationship, she should just be able to discuss this with her boyfriend and, if he truly cares about her, they'll work something out. But I think that they are headed for a break - she'd rather write to some internet advice columnist than discuss this with her boyfriend? (I'm assuming this since the letter makes no mention of trying to work this out between them prior to her writing) Adjusting to co-sleeping is an issue for any couple, but it's something that should be able to be worked out in a healthy relationship without resorting to outside assistance.

Since it's quite likely that she's not a cat/pet person as well (and, as I'm not either, I won't criticize for that), it seems that it's time to consider how far this relationship can go. Sure, people can work things out, but only if both of them want to do it. From this letter, that doesn't seem likely.

Roseygal, you say your cats are part of your family. I think that's the main problem between the letter writer and her boyfriend, not just that the cat is sleeping with them. It sounds to me as if the boyfriend does consider the cat part of his family, since the cat's needs are as important (or more so) to him than his girlfriend's needs. And the LW doesn't sound like much of a pet person. (I'm not either, so I can totally understand where she's coming from.)

Whether the LW takes Prudie's advice, or goes with someone like the commenter above you who suggests shutting the cat out, the bigger issue is whether or not she wants to be in a relationship with someone who thinks his cat is as important as his girlfriend.

See this is where people get nutty....the human girlfriend should go out and buy earplugs because the boyfriend can't stand to part with fluffy for the night?

Pets are pets...I love my cat (total cost of kitty in 9 years, 10 grand)...but there is no way she (cat) would ever in a zillion years come before a human being in my life.

Being obstinant about your pet sleeping in the bed is a great way to end up single.

ANY slutbitch that calls MY cat a "thing" is GONE RIGHT NOW!!

I'm a guy who lives with a cat.
I'm a "jock" who hunts, fishes, works out, still play hockey, etc.

I love the cat I live with.
NOBODY is welcome in MY house whop call the cat a thing.

Bye bye, little bitch.

I sympathize with the girlfriend who finds sharing the bedroom with the cat strange. My husband felt the same way. Thought I was spoiling the animals. I introduced the first cat and now we've moved up to one cat, four dogs, and a bigger bed. Life moves on. Today's purrs may be exactly what is needed to mask tomorrow's snores. No arguing in the bedroom, it upsets the dogs. No bad mood can outlast the good morning greetings from the livestock. What looks like an undesirable and perhaps unsanitary practice quickly becomes the habit you can't live without.

Unfortunately, even Prudence is of the wrong gender to give the right advice here. Here's a man's view of the whole thing. I know that the young lady has invested a lot of time and emotional capital into this relationship, but I've never heard of a normal male that couldn't get his priorities right as to which pussycat belongs in the bed. (No pun intended.) The guy loves the cat, no doubt, but I think his girlfriend is making the mistake of thinking that he is going to handle this like a woman.

Here's what I would tell her: Men love to solve problems not emote about them, like women. Animals can be trained, even affectionate cats can change their allegiance more rapidly than dogs. I think she should stop pussyfooting (;O) around and present the guy with the problem and tell him to solve it. NO ULTIMATUMS, but if he can't or won't come up with a solution over time, say 3 months, despite gentle repeated reminders, dump him! He'll make you miserable in married life anyway, because he wouldn't have his priorities right. Besides he wouldn't be a real man anyway. Loving a cat so much is questionable for a man, not a bad thing, admitting it is even worse, or he's a very secure individual, but actually chosing a cat over the real thing would be an absolute deal breaker in my book. Then I'd say good riddance.

Prudence should have recused herself from this one, since she admits she is emotionally entangled in the issue from the outset.

I am not sure I can offer any advice here, but this story is very familiar to me. When I met my husband 9 years ago, he had an adorable Chihuahua that was his constant companion that got him through his divorce 4 years earlier (the dog was 5 at the time). The dog slept in the bed with him, and even though she stuck her paws in my back and walked around on the bed all night and licked her paws very loudly, I decided to suck it up, because I loved him and I liked the dog otherwise. Did I mention I am allergic to dogs? I had to take Claritin and blow my nose constantly, but she was cute and she meant a lot to him, so I dealt with it.

Flash-forward to the present, and now my husband and the dog (still alive at 14, nearly blind, but still playful) sleep in the guest room. Why? Not because I kicked them out of bed. No, because when our son started teething, it was easier to bring him to bed each night, and eventually it turned into co-sleeping, and God forbid we sleep with a child in the bed. Apparently dogs are okay, but children should be put in their crib on the other side of the house from the moment they come hom from the hospital and ignored all night.

Also, it is apparently okay for MY sleep to be interrupted, but not his.

All I have to say to the woman from the video is WATCH OUT...this may be a sign of things to come.

brerlou is right about the problem and the approach...this guy needs to get his priorities straight pronto. I love cats, but nothing is more annoying than an out of control cat person. It'd be one thing if the girl were also an out of control cat person. Then they could have all manner of really annoying, tedious "Did you see what Buttons did today?" conversations together.

This guy needs oust kitty or she'll need to find a real man.

This girl is whiny and self-centered and generally bad news. I hope her boyfriend has the good sense to dump her and look for a girl who is kind-hearted and humane instead. He will find a better girl, and in the meantime he has a cat who is a treasure.

My husband and I had a single cat (Pancho) for a year, and he was an enormous pain at night. At the lowest point, we had to hide toys in our bedside drawers so that we could grab them and throw them out to Pancho when he awakened us multiple times over the course of the night.

Then one day I had a revelation -- what if we got another cat to keep Pancho entertained? Enter Louie, stage left. Louie and Pancho became fast friends, and the nocturnal problems have disappeared entirely. Pancho gets more exercise during the day now that he has a kitty friend at home with him, so he's more willing to sleep at night than he was before. And when he does feel restless in the wee hours, Louie is always there to provide entertainment. Now they curl up at the foot of our bed together and let us sleep in peace.

Getting a second cat really has been the perfect solution for us, and Pancho himself is much happier now that he's not alone all day. I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to go on sleeping with the kitty, but can't stand any more 4 AM playtime or snuggle sessions.