Prudie,

I am shocked by your advise regarding the grandson who is not 'thankful'. One of the most important lessons we are meant to learn about this life is that giving is not to get something back. Don't you and that person realize this described situation is a challenge regarding this very lesson. Get over yourselves and quit waiting for accolades. In the end of our mortal lives, it is what we have done for our fellow man.

Evolved and not wanting

Wonderful--sounds like you'd be perfectly willing to take on the role of endless benefactor to this ungrateful teenager! I hope Prudie puts the letter-writer in touch with you so you can take over this thankless and expensive job for these poor grandparents, with whom I completely sympathize. That kid does not deserve gifts he doesn't appreciate or acknowledge, but if you're willing to be walked all over, fine.

Everyone who know me, knows I am not the type to be walked over as you suggest. My husband laughed out loud at such a ridiculous statement. You my friend, are definitely one of those hateful, mean spirited types who I'm sure weighs, measures, and analyzes everything little thing you give and what you should get in return. I'm sure you're a bad tipper too. You should be very ashamed at how ugly you are.

Sincerely,

Generous and loving human.

When I read Flying Montana's post, my thought was "right on!"

It doesn't take much analysis or measuring and weighing to realize you're being taken advantage of. Maybe you are being taken advantage of. You just don't realize it.

It's so sad our world has become filled with people that wish for a return. Once again, I am not the type to be taken advantage of. My husband and I own a successful restaurant here in Dallas, Tx., and believe me, we are shrewed business owners who set clear boundaries with our clients and family members we sometimes treat in our establishment. I am also a master level social worker who has provided counsel to to many adults/children in how to maintain a healthy balance with others. If the writer of this issue is this consumed with his frustration, he should appropriately confront the 18 year old grandson and express his feelings as to how he is feeling neglected in getting no response for his 'generous gifts'. Why be passive aggressive by ceasing gift giving to the 18 year old, but still give to the other grandkids that have met his neediness in giving him the attention he feels he deserves. I question why he has allowed this to 'go of for years'. He is part of this problem and is addicted to being angry about this!

I have tons of friends with kids. I typically never bought them birthday or Christmas gifts but would buy them something for a special event like Confirmation, etc. However, after the age of 18 I give them money because that's what they can use the most. If I don't receive a thank you note then they never get a gift from me again. It's easy. I write a check for $50-100 bucks and I get a note of thank you. One friend's daughter (whom I don't really know) got married and I sent her a card and check for $100 figuring a newlywed can use the money. I never heard from her but she did cash the check. A few years later she had a baby and I didn't bother. Her mother actually said something to me and I told her no note -- no more gifts. Another friend's son: same story. I'm not being mean -- I'm being fair. If I can take the time to get a card, write a check and mail it... It's rude not to acknowledge a gift with a note or even an email.

All of you are such selfish children. I'm sure you all are the types that say you are Christian. I'm also sure you are all Republicans. When will you people learn that giving is not about getting. Why must you all insist on waiting for the return. Why can't you people give unconditionally and why are all of you so hateful? What a sad life it must be to be you. I'm sure all of you are constantly disappointed in others. If only your loved ones knew how you all waited by the clock - tick, tick, tick.

Sticks and stones. It isn't unreasonable to want a thank you note. But it is unreasonable to call me a Republican! ;-)

Sending of thank you notes is just an arbitrary custom that is only practiced in certain regions of the country. Why do you insist that everyone be like you? As far as I am concerned a thank you is to be rendered at the point of transaction. If it is a long distance transaction then a reciprocal favor in any form at any time in the future is nice enough.

Thank you! Finally someone seems to give without much thought. It's just madness to be so expecting.

Hey, it's my money and if I don't get a thank you note from a friend's slacker kid I would rather give the money to a worthwhile charity or the Democratic Party. I bet you two don't send thank you notes. How on earth showing gratitude via a thank you note bugs you so much is well beyond me. Thanks anyway though. :-)

horrified:

All of you are such selfish children. I'm sure you all are the types that say you are Christian. I'm also sure you are all Republicans. When will you people learn that giving is not about getting. Why must you all insist on waiting for the return. Why can't you people give unconditionally and why are all of you so hateful? What a sad life it must be to be you. I'm sure all of you are constantly disappointed in others. If only your loved ones knew how you all waited by the clock - tick, tick, tick.

Don't hate!

Don't hate!

Don't hate!

What the heck does being a Christian or a Republican have ANYTHING to do with this? Why I'm sure if you go to any country on this Earth, you'll find an old geezer saying, "What's the matter with kids today?"

You my friend, are definitely one of those hateful, mean spirited types who I'm sure weighs, measures, and analyzes everything little thing you give and what you should get in return. I'm sure you're a bad tipper too. You should be very ashamed at how ugly you are.

Sincerely,

Generous and loving human.

This person can't be for real.

'Cause most 'generous and loving humans' I know attack the characters of perfect strangers. Yes.

Murre, your insistence to follow a rigid customs that are not shared by everyone just shows how arrogant you are and your ignorance of other cultures. Some people counter gifts with reciprocal gifts or favors at another time in the future. It is true that one good turn deserves another but relationships are not a transaction and appreciation can be shown in many ways.

It seems that you are an authoritarian minded person who see all rules as set in stone and that there is no room for more than one culture or variations in custom. This is the mark of a closed minded person.

enough to engage in "reciprocal favors" for gift givers they would have had to begin with the favors prior to the age of ten, since some family members had passed away by the time they reached that age.

Thank you's are not only for transactions. They are to inform the person that you received what they intended for you to receive, and to show your gratitude. Also, I realize that some people I send gifts to do not have the means to return the favor. I certainly don't expect a reciprocal favor from many of them. A thank you is plenty.