LW#1 - Dude, here's a piece of timeless advice that has been passed down from father to son for generations: Once you grow up, you have to go GET A JOB. That's right - now that you are not only an adult but married, with bills and a struggling family to support, you need to stop searching for inner peace or whatever it is you have been doing and go GET A JOB. Here's another piece of advice that hasn't been passed down from anyone because the subject really doesn't come up that often: Before you let your wife sell body parts to support you, go GET A JOB.

LW#2 - I don't know how to put this delicately, so let me be blunt - your mom needs to get laid, desperately so. Introduce her to that nice divorcee who works down the hall, take her to Vegas and get her drunk, hire a gigolo, do whatever you have to do to deflect some of that neediness away from you. In the meantime, reset your Facebook profile. You can create different levels of security now to avoid precisely this kind of yuckiness.

LW#3 - If you were to ask an ordinary guy what he thought about a woman's thumbs, he would undoubtedly look at you with a bewildered expression and ask "Thumbs?" In other words, I really wouldn't worry about this too much. The advice about reading "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" was good, but depending on how old you are, you might want to skip the scene near the end with the giant lesbian orgy. Then again, maybe it will inspire you. Who am I to judge?

LW#4 - Ok, THIS I'm comfortable judging. Are you serious? This is your problem? Your thumbs bend, your mother is sane, your significant other isn't compelled by necessity to consider selling body parts and you are gainfully employed at a time of global economic collapse, yet you are so perturbed by the idea of picking up a sandwich for a co-worker who would happily do the same for you that you feel compelled to write an advice columnist? Here's another piece of timeless advice, GET A GRIP!

Great job! Typical good advice, the kind that older guys give to younger guys all the time. Eminently sane and useful. I disagree about LW#2; I think mom's got dementia or Alzheimer's but you could be right. It doesn't matter - the guy's hopeless. It's his mother for goodness sake. If the LW was female she would have already have found mom a boyfriend out of all the older guys that ask her out.

The whole problem is this - sane and useful guy advice is not what those pathetic intellectual pygmies come here for. They want empathy; they want someone to take them seriously, someone who can say to them, "Oh, honey, I know how difficult that can be...I had a situation just like that one time when..." You have to be able to say that while bobbing and shaking your head like the spokesmodel in a deodorant just for women commercial. Your hair has to move when you do it, just so.... For an example, if you can stand it, watch Prudie give "advice" in one of her videos.

That's why there aren't any men writing "advice" columns, unless it's about tools, or cars, or guns.

I thought the Facebook young'un was a woman, but either way, they need to tell Mom to back off. I'd just un-friend her, and when she asks to be re-friended, tell her it comes with responsibilities. No one should accept disrespect from anyone.

We have a "MyFamily" page, and Mom embarasses me all the time, without intending to. However, it's not open for all the world to see, or at least not all my friends. All the family knows Mom, and understands how she is.

Oh wow, Texvol, I have to award to your advice for LW4 the esteemed "that was so funny it's coffee-spitting funny" award!

"Your thumbs bend, your mother is sane, you significant other isn't...selling body parts and you're gainfully employed..."

Classic! :-) And true, to boot!

There's Cary Tennis and Dan Savage. Both write advice columns - rather compelling ones in some cases.

But, your point is pretty valid nonetheless.

Oh, and the videos... Why? Why would you turn a letter into a video? What kind of sense does that make? I guess it's all these movies from books that makes them think it's a good idea.

Why do be people always say "Get a Job" like it's a good thing ? Personally, i admire people who manage to get through life without even once lifting their fucking finger, even if that means going to jail for a 20-30 year stretch.

I know a couple of guys that're planning a "Senior Moments" crime spree; they're shooting for minimum security Fed lock-up.

They're callin' it their Retirement Plan...
"Three strikes? You bet-cha!"

|-)

Tarquin Machismo:

Why do be people always say "Get a Job" like it's a good thing ? Personally, i admire people who manage to get through life without even once lifting their fucking finger, even if that means going to jail for a 20-30 year stretch.

Yeah, but this guy isn't exactly Bernie Madoff with billions to enjoy until they finally lock him away. Unemployed screenwriter doesn't pay many bills. At least he was artsy enough to attract a young hottie. But once she's out of school and earning 100% of their income she'll eventually see "artsy" and "lazy" as synonyms. And on that day, serious problems will arise.

I hear you loud 'n' clear, partner. If you'd ever done tasted Old Jebediah's 'cooking', you'd wish yourself in line at prison for first scrapings off the toilet pan.

Nuff said.

Leg_iron:

I know a couple of guys that're planning a "Senior Moments" crime spree; they're shooting for minimum security Fed lock-up.

Well this has been my 'retirement plan' for years. Everyone just laughs when I tell them but seriously... As long as I don't have to kill anyone and no one gets hurt. What do you want to bet that more people nowadays are thinking the same thing?

Pinkmun:

Leg_iron:

I know a couple of guys that're planning a "Senior Moments" crime spree; they're shooting for minimum security Fed lock-up.

Well this has been my 'retirement plan' for years. Everyone just laughs when I tell them but seriously... As long as I don't have to kill anyone and no one gets hurt. What do you want to bet that more people nowadays are thinking the same thing?

Watch the movie with George Burns (Sorry, I forget the title) before you start. It gives some good pointers.

especially the repetition in letter one.

this is the sort of blunt approach a woman can't take when replying. we'd be seen as nags.

but yes this guy is a leech. and she's a moron who lacks self esteem.

I am not holding out any hope for LW#1 or his wife. In response to anyone's reasonable advice that he should GET A JOB I am afraid he would respond with a question about whose kids would be born from his wife's eggs.

Where the hell was his dad when most dads explain things like that? I am pretty certain that most women explain that to their kids as well, so where the hell was she? I might be tempted to zap him with a cattle prod or smack him a couple just to get his attention.

BZZZT!!! "ACK! Why did you do that to me?"

"You're 30 years old, you aren't working, and you're broke. Go get a job."

Then I assume he'd start into some semblance of the Prince Harold speech from Monty Python and the Holy Grail... "... but I don't like any of those ..."

BZZZT!! "ACK! Why did you do that to me?"

"Sometimes you have to take a job you don't like to pay the bills."

I'd probably zap him a few times until he began to catch on.