For college students strapped for cash, offering a service to a friend that's getting married can be much nicer than trying to afford a meaningful gift off the registry. But Prudie's right; it isn't something the Bride can plan out. She just has to let it happen. When my former roommate got married, she had a friend who was amazing at doing hair, although she wasn't a professional hairdresser. Roomie asked her if she'd be able to do her hair the day of the wedding; offered to pay whatever the friend thought was fair (since she didn't really have standard rates) and the friend insisted on doing it for free as a wedding present. I think roomie took the friend out to luch as a special way of saying thank-you for the gift, and her hair looked amazing the day of the wedding. Too many Brides get caught up in planning every little detail out. But if you are polite and thoughtful of your friends feelings, then often these things just happen.

Your former roommate did it exactly right--her friend was no doubt flattered to be asked and pleased to be able to offer such a personal gift, and your roommate had beautiful hair for her wedding. Everybody wins!

People seem to confuse a celebration event for a fund raiser. An invitation to a wedding is not synonomous with a demand of a gift, or at least it shouldn't be. I was taught that if there are specific things you need or want, it is appropriate to register accordingly and then let people like your family or maid of honor know where you are registered (or in leiu of being registered, what it is you need) in the event someone asks. The bride or groom may even be asked directly what they would like, in which case they are then free to make suggestions. Under no circumstance, however, should the bride or groom say, "You're invited to our wedding and, oh, by the way, this is what we want from you." This tactic, along with the current trend to inclose your places of registry or what you want for a gift in you wedding announcement or invitation, is the height of presumption and poor taste. And when the soon to be wed couple has already set up house, and are instead looking to fund real estate purchases or dream vacations, its just that much more distasteful.

The tradition of wedding gifts and showers was originally intended to help the new couple get their own household established. With the change in values over the past generation enabling couples to be established in their own household prior to being married, many have begun to treat gift giving as an entry fee to an event. Maybe someone should start a new tradition of giving Emily Post as an engagement gift to couples planning a wedding...

Today's events, whether they are invitations to bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, birthdays or others, are treated as "begging parties." My husband and I long ago stopped participating, other than to send a congratulatory card with the notation "Unfortunately we are unable to attend this event; however, we extend our very best wishes for a happy occasion."

Exactly! Friends love to be given the chance to participate and give creatively, rather than expected to follow marching orders. Prudie should have made this clearer. I have no doubt that if the LW asks, the graphic artist will gladly cut them a break on the price or offer to do part of it for free. As Prudie said though, it is just wrong to ask the person to do it as a gift.

Well said! :-) It amazes me how many people write in to advice columnists asking for an appropriate way to hit their guests up for cash to pay for their wedding, honeymoon, new house, etc. I've become increasingly less of a fan of weddings for this reason. I was raised to believe that sort of thing was tacky, tacky, tacky! (my mother's words) It's a shame, because the wedding is only one day out of what God willing will be many happy years together.