As someone who deals with employment issued I want to make one note as to the advice given. I would think carefully about involving HR. HR usually does not want to get involved with personality clashes. For them, its a no-win situation. If there is an issue not involving a violation of a company policy or clarification of a company policy then by all means involve HR. But if it is a situation were you have a clash between employees, my experience has been that the employer usually supports the supervisor and not the employee (unless the issue involves direct discrimination where there is documented proof and not circumstantial proof). For lack of a better term, this is a elementary playground issue, and employers do not want to be involved. It is not illegal to act as this supervisor acts and even if she retaliates for complaining about her neediness, (such as firing) there is nothing that can be done in most states. If the opportunity arises, I would perhaps state something like, "my parents (or someone whose advice would be equivalent of an life directive) always told me that it was absolutely taboo to socialize outside of work with your boss (because it could make co-employees jealous, you should always have your personal and work life separate - or whatever reason you feel comfortable giving if you feel necessary to give one, personlly I would stop at the word boss) and as much as I personally like you and look up to you, I just can't overcome that advice. This places no blame on her and gives everyone an authority figure out.

I'm just curious how it works out if the entire office brings the problem up. Does the supervisor get the backing against all of their employees? Not trying to take any side on this, as I said, I am just curious because the LW did say that she wasn't the only one dealing with the issue.

I did agree with Prudie's advice to set better boundaries for the boss first but if the boss is consistently acting like a jr high school student and keeping the whole office from functioning, is there any other recourse for the harassed employees?

I also deal with employment issues, and the situation as described sounds like a clear-cut case of hostile-environment harassment to me.

And by way of an addition, repeated requests for out-of-work contact certainly do qualify as illegal harassment. Add retaliation to the mix and not only is it illegal, but you've upped the ante to whole new level of harassment. I can't imagine an enlightened HR representative viewing this as anything but a situation that must be remedied as soon as possible. In my opinion, the only mitigating factor here is the letter writer's respect for her supervisor and her desire not to get the woman into trouble.

Illegal harassment? Based upon what theory? Age, sex, race, gender, pregnancy, disability? Harassment of an employee on the basis of a protected characteristic is a violation of anti-discrimination statutes. Is the behavior sufficiently severe or pervasive for a reasonable person to believe that the conditions of employment are altered and the work environment is hostile? Is the work environment uncomfortable? Sure is. Have the conditions of employment altered? Really not enough information, but doesn't appear so. Is the work environment hostile? I don't know. Does this person treat everyone the same, equally demanding? If so then it's not based upon any protected class. A boss can be ignorant, rude, demanding, crude or vulgar, providing all employees are so treated. Leona Helmsley (God rest her soul) was a demanding boss, however she was not guilty of harassment, just not paying taxes.

As to HR, it has been my experience that it views its job as protecting the company, not in policing employee relations. Unless the harassment/hostile work environment qualifies as a violation of law, most do not want to get involved. No, it is not their job to make sure the employees get along, it is their job to protect the company, which is the same responsibility of all employees. They are not "Super Nanny" and do not get involved in teaching people proper methods of interaction. If this boss has someone she looks up to, then approach that person, as it is easier to accept correction from someone whom you look up to.

Having worked in HR for 25 years emstar is correct - while it might be uncomfortable or feel hostile - it's not illegal and there are no "damages" ...

However, we part ways in the advice to not involve HR. Any good HR Department understands their role is certainly to protect the company and part of that "protection" is in assuring to a reasonable degree that employees are happy and productive in their work environment. Most HR people have been around long enough to be able to give the immature supervisor a few suggestions that might make her more effective ... like separating social and professional and why that's in her best interests - without sharing anyone else's name.

There are definitely times to involve HR even when the actions are not illegal. In this case, she (?) probably needs to let HR know that she is considering leaving the company over this. Either the supervisor will be called in and given some much needed direction, or they may find the employee a similar position for a different employer.

I had an issue with my supervisor, and I was livid when I went to speak to HR. Essentially, my honesty was questioned for no good reason. Since my position is a specialized niche, I was kept in the same position, but a few weeks later the department was rearranged so some of us suddenly had a different supervisor in the same division.

I work for a local government and find that HR only gives the 'appearance' of wanting to dismiss many things reported by employees for legal reasons. But I believe that in the background they take it seriously legally to cover their rear and changes are made without a direct dialog to the employee. I had made a charge of hostile workplace about 4 years ago and it was denied in writing, but before long I was almost placed on a pedestal by the same boss. Legal (financial) damages go beyond the direct boss, up to his boss, and possibly further up the line. And, my complaint was only preliminary (written only by myselft) in writing and very detailed.

He has an attack dog way of communicating at times, which unfortunately he has repeated twice in the last week. It completely unnerves people. I am one of the very few that have stood up to him when many men cower, or choose not to speark - but they are only in an occaisonal meeting with him and I have to be in the office with him 8 hours a day.

In the last week we has spoken to me in the attack dog mode twice. If it does it again I am going to say something again, possibly: I am sorry to say your tone of voice is creating a hostile workplace.