I'm surprised no one addressed the real issue in LW 4's letter. She said that the three day visits at home wore on her. While I'm not excusing her tantrum, couldn't she try to shorten the visit if she lived close enough to do that? Alternately, if she doesn't like being in their home, why not reserve a cheap motel room? Then everyone wins. No one has to hear any screaming tantrums, and she come to their house whenever she pleases without over-exposure.

You got the right solution, Laluna! For years, I've gone home for the holidays and stayed in a hotel room. I live 1200 miles away, so I was a captive for at least a few days. To make things more complicated, my family is quite offended that I stay in a hotel room! I always manage to sweep the issues under the rug, but the truth of the matter is, I get NO sleep if I stay at the house. The adults stay up all night playing drinking games. The kids wake up at the crack of dawn and I'm not used to sleeping with a lot of noise. So, I'm better off in a hotel room. It' s a lot better than losing it on a sassy teenager, who's suffering from growing pains.

Whenever I go on vacation with my family, I don't get any sleep. They come knocking on the door at the crack of dawn and cheerily say, "good morning!" I'm a grouch in the morning, especially if I don't get any sleep.

My niece and her husband won't stay with any relatives except their parents. They claim it's not to impose, which may be true, except it's no more an imposition on the other relatives than on the parents. Really, it's to have some control over issues like sleep and food and to know that the place they are staying is safe for their toddler. No handguns on nightstands, full cat litter boxes, etc.

The LW referred to the visits as "enforced." That would be the first hurdle to this plan - getting it in your head that other people can't control you unless you let them.