Dear Prudie: Nice new mug! Your hair and makeup look terrific, and you are no longer squinting into the sun in front of an out-of-control laurel, just a little, cockeyed evergreen. Well, at least your skin looks really nice.
LW#1:
Call the suicide hotline on your own RIGHT NOW and talk to a counselor there about your concerns. They can be there for you, too. Because if I were around someone making "jokes" like that, I'd be scared out of my gourd.
RIght now you've put your boss on notice, saying that you are not going to take her frightening "jokes" as such anymore. And forget that she's the decision maker — one thing I've learned in my career is that nobody, but nobody, is irreplaceable, and it doesn't sound like her judgment is all that awesome right now anyway, the company needs a break from her shenanigans. And she needs a break from being "the decider," it sounds like.
I detect a certain amount of chaos in your company, from the crazy stuff you're getting from the top to the financial chaos of just getting paid to the way the outside world is affecting the company. You don't sound like it's going to be there forever, nevermind your boss. You all need a plan, as a company, as individuals. I would think sitting down with the boss and talking honestly about charting a course to stability — and talking about worst-case economic scenarios. Mapping out plans, resources and keeping perspective that even if the company goes under it is not the worst thing to ever happen, that you all have personal and social resources to draw on if that occurs, may be critical for everyone.
But for the love of Pete, talk to the counselor, talk to the boss's brother so he'll reach out to her (if not lock her up in a padded cell), do what it takes to get through to her that no matter how awful things look, there are backup plans and our worth is more than our work.
Sigh. I just lost a family member to suicide. He was deeply mentally ill (schizophrenia) and there really isn't anything that could have been done to prevent it. But you can get out in front of her impulses, since this sounds situational. But it takes getting out in front of it.
LW#2:
Some people have impulses they can't control. But someone obviously violated your trust and now you know what you're dealing with in your husband's family and you can plan ahead of time and wear a money belt under your track suit.
Because this is family, and while it is likely that whoever is impulsive or addicted has not yet spun out of control and alienated everyone and is no longer welcome at family gatherings, you do still have an obligation to put up with the family with safeguards. Maybe someday the person will get better and will eventually win your trust back.
You're going to have to suck it up and take precautions and try to enjoy your husband's family. The trick is to let them deal with their own drama while you watch from afar with a jaundiced eye and some sympathy for the ones among them who are victims.
But there is a condition: Obviously, your husband should be supportive of you on the trip (i.e. telling his family to back off if you're not in the mood for something, being your partner, etc. against any complaints they may have about you), and you should make this a condition of your going. The family does not get to whine that you're negative and angry when they've violated your trust, that is, and he should be with you there.
LW#3:
I don't think you can afford not to pursue treatment. Take a second job, if you haven't already, to do what you need to to get rid of your acne. If your acne is making you an introvert and limiting your life, and you know it, stock shelves on the weekends to get the pills or creams you need. Or the psychiatric help you need to cope with having the acne.
As for jerks who have to let you know how awesome their treatment is when you're walking down the street, just go, "OMG, I have acne???" and walk away.
Another thing I feel compelled to say — oh my God you need to lighten up. If you are filling your friends' ears with how you have it so bad that they are compelled to bring up people in wheelchairs you are letting your acne ruin your social skills. No, it's not doing it for you, you're letting it happen. Just because you have acne is no excuse to wallow in self-pity and be a Debbie Downer. I get it, it's painful. But you know what is painful? Life. It's absurd to all of us in myriad ways (except for rich jerks, who always seem to cruise above their bad choices through good luck and extreme self-regard). We all have awful, horrible crap to deal with, not all of it visible. But we persist. And we can make a choice to persist and wring what little joy we can out of life, and maybe give back a little to this cold, uncaring world that certainly doesn't deserve it. Or we can just persist in a manner that drags people down.
Getting rid of your acne is not necessary to get rid of your massive depression and self-pity. You can build self-esteem on an acne-ridden base. Look into it.
LW#4:
What is this, depression week? Your sister sounds a little messed up, but not to worry, by the time your niece turns 6 she'll be wanting her little friends around instead of mommy's buddies.
In the meantime, have a little pity on your sister. She is raising a little kid, and that's enough to make any adult crave other adult contact. Maybe she even wants to force her lucky childless buds to suffer through the inanities with her so she's not alone in being bored out of her gourd by Barney or whatever is the cool program.
A playgroup may do her a world of good and stimulate the social development of her daughter. Take her out with the gals without the kid so she knows she's not forgotten, but do seriously talk to her about how she needs to develop a network of moms to share the more "Disney Princesses on Ice" stuff she wants to do with her kid.
It does sound like she's a little depressed and lacks some perspective. Good luck helping her with that!
