Why do people become pirates?

So they can steal from the rich and line their own pockets? Oh wait, those are liberals.

Because they don't believe people have a right to personal property. No, wait, liberal again.

Because the they believe the rule of law is only relevant unless there is a greater good? No, sorry, libs again. I'll keep trying to find one, though.

I figured out how to substitute letters too: DemoCRAP. It works two ways. First, it's a good description of their policies and second, it's what they're constantly doing in their pants.