Like Melinda and Emily, I find all of this fretting about Michelle Obama's career and feminism to be bizarre, misguided and premature. I particularly find it odd and disheartening that so many are so willing to assume that her prioritizing her family is some trumped up political move. Why is it so surprising that a strong-minded career woman would also prioritize her family, particularly in such extraordinary circumstances.

What gets me even more, however, is the contrast between the reaction to Michelle Obama's choices and the reaction to Sarah Palin's choices. When Palin was picked, I heard women who were previously whole-heartedly in support of women working and pursuing their careers demanding to know how she could possibly run for VP with five kids, on an infant. How she could possibly go back to work three days after giving birth. Women who would have scoffed in righteous indignation had anyone with a conservative background asked those questions about themselves or friends of theirs. Now there's all this second-guessing Michelle Obama's choices, questioning how she could give up her career and describe herself as a mom-in-chief. Assuming that she is only doing this for political considerations, and that it is somehow a set back for her.

Really, people, WTF? Here's an idea: how about we simply support the right and ability of women to make their own choices based on their own circumstances, their own priorities and what's right for them? How about we give the same deference to women in making choices that we give to men, instead of second-guessing them? How about we stop assuming there's an inherent conflict between mothering and working, or that each woman must make only one choice and stick with it forevermore, and instead see that women and men alike will find different ways to manage their lives throughout their lives? Good grief.

"When Palin was picked, I heard women who were previously whole-heartedly in support of women working and pursuing their careers demanding to know how she could possibly run for VP with five kids, on an infant."

The reason women were saying this is because of the platform she was running on. Family Values and all that conservative dogma. They have been hollering at women for years that when they work, latchkey kids etc. result in all the problems in this society. Then, when they find a woman who is against reproductive rights, suddenly it is A-OK to be a working mom. It was completely hypocritical.

So the right response to others' hypocrisy is to be a complete hypocrite yourself? Not in my world.

She has her own blend of weird conservative ideology, which apparently does allow for working women at least in politics. That's hers. I completely disagree her policies and her positions, but I am not going to turn around and suggest that her choices as a woman are any less valid than mine simply because I don't like what she believes in.

bagelwoman, i think i love you. I could not agree with you more.

I just heard our two writers on NPR talk about this subject. What struck me about their concerns about Michelle is how they felt that being a mother first was somehow wrong, a cop out, something to be ridiculed. I hate this kind of feminism. It is what destroyed it and pushed so many women over to the Dr. Laura's of this world. Being a parent is the single most important thing anyone does in their lifetime. Nothing else is more important. I sometimes wonder why so many women like these two feel embarrassed by the fact that they are women, they can have babies and yes, they can be mothers.

Yep, totally agree. Many people think that to be a feminist, you need to be a working woman. Absolutely, unequivocally false.

Feminism isn't about getting women into the workforce, it's about giving women the same opportunities as men do. Women can choose whatever is best for themselves and their families (and yes, choosing between working for a second income or staying home with the kids is still a choice).

My friend loves being a mother and a homemaker. Another friend is the breadwinner of the family, because she starts climbing the walls after a week of being mainly with the kids, while her husband is a wonderful stay at home dad. Is either choice wrong? No, they are doing what's best for their families.

err... "about giving women the same opportunities as men have"

We need an edit button around here.

We're going to keep running up against the fact that there's no single definition of feminism. For my part, I find the idea that a woman has to work (to the detriment of her family) to be feminist a little... well, unfeminist. Along with that I have the feeling the Michelle O. is going to be feminist whatever she does. I mean, just listen to her talk. But it may just be too early in the war, the gains of feminists are too recent, to be totally comfortable with her leaving her career to become -- what was the phrase? -- First Mom. Mom In Chief.

Maybe what we need is a bunch of conservatives to accuse her of hypocrisy so we can rally behind her. That would be just like them. Dang hypocrites.

Great posts, bagelwoman. Feminism should be about freedom and choice--not trying to shoehorn every woman in the country into one specific lifestyle (juggling of successful career and family). It's presumptuous, nosy, and condescending for other women to assume they somehow know better than Michelle Obama how she should live her own life.

Yes, I really, absolutely get that feminism is about choice. And although I've been in the workforce while raising my son, I know and respect women who have not been.

BUT....can we at least acknowledge that choices are constrained by the options that are available? I think the focus on "choice" and "opportunity" as the absolute end goal of feminism is, sorry, a bit vapid. Feminism is also about challenging institutions and preconceptions. If "choice" or "opportunity" simply means the legal right to pursue higher education and careers, then frankly we've had that for quite a long time. But if a woman has to park her ambition at the door in order to remain "feminine", or proclaim that her priority is her kids to avoid seeming like a freak, then those opportunities are empty indeed.

I'm not really talking about Michelle Obama here, because I think the demands on her will be extrordinary, and if she can survive with some grace then she gets an A+ and the right to spend the remainder of her life doing whatever the heck she wants. But even the fact that we have this "first lady" position is, you've got to admit, kinda weird, and suggests that we still have a ways to go in how we think about women's roles.

If I could recommend this 100 times I would. Thanks for saying everything I thought and probably better than I could!

This whole issue reminds me of Kate Chopin's novella The Awakening, in which Edna Pontellier says "I would give up my life for my children, but I wouldn't give myself." It is certainly good that women who happen to be mothers should consider motherhood to be of great importance, but my view is that a woman with children is a person first, a mother second.

I am also reminded of something William Saletan wrote in an article here on Slate, something to the effect that short of dying, nothing changes one's life more dramatically than having children. I'm a woman and I don't have or want children. But I admire women who are putting everything they have into the task of being good mothers.

They are also completely deaf to their own ideology. The crazy feminist use Hillary Clinton as their role-model, the ONLY female politician in our country whose greatest qualification is WIFE of a famous male leader. The Religious Right picks the most hateful and immoral personalities to represent their "religion".

First of all Michelle Obama grew up with a stay-at-home mom, whose love and support GAVE her the ability to achieve her academic and professional goals. My guess is that she has nothing but respect for her mom. Barack was abandoned at age 2 by his father, something that had a major effect on his childhood. His subsequent adoption by his grandparents made him value a strong family unit. These two people seem to place their 2 girls above all else-as they should.

The problem with old school feminisim is that it's defined as being just like the guys-the guys of the 50's and 60's: selfish and egotistical. In fact, you are SUPERIOR to the male species. It's all about YOU and what YOU should GET. Hillary Clinton should get ANY darn job she wants in American BECAUSE of her gender. Sarah Palin SHOULD abandon a 3-day old infant so she can focus on HER life and career. It's all about her.

What I respect about Michelle Obama is that she represents the new (and silent) generation of feminist. They value and respect men as equals and not a sub-human species. They don't need to bash men to feel better about themselves. They DON'T believe you can have it all whether you are a man or a woman. They are equal partners in marriage and realize that BOTH parents have to be responsible for the wellbeing of the children they CHOOSE to bring into this world.

Being a woman and caring for one's child is viewed as more important than a job-as it should be. If you want to focus on YOU, don't have children. You get the best education and work hard to BE in the position where you have the flexibilty to take time off and raise your children. In fact the one thing that almost all people respect about Hill and Bill is their self-less devotion to Chelsea's well-being. Palin WAS the old school feminist that Clinton supporters SHOULD have rallied around. She climbed her way to the top on her OWN merits, not her husbands. But Palin is exactly what the neo-feminists do not want to be, a self-ish parent. I would say the same thing if Palin had been a male candidate with the same Jerry Springer family drama that she had. Joe Biden, on the other hand, had a job that he ALWAYS considered second to his role as a parent (after the death of his wife). Out of all his qualifications, THAT was what finally sold me on him as a good partner for Obama. What can I say, I'm a sucker for people who value and respect children. But of course, we can't consider Biden a role-model...he is after all only a man and it's the year of male bashing!

As with Laura Bush, I think Michelle Obama should consider any bashing by the far left feminists as a sign that she is doing the right thing. Give 'em hell Michelle!

Well, you are not a parent so you will never know the reality of it. There really is no other substitute out there. Career? Academia? Ambition? Those are selfish pursuits. One can do both but you give up one when you do the other. I am a father. I know what I gave up to work and support the family. I missed a lot.

"So the right response to others' hypocrisy is to be a complete hypocrite yourself? Not in my world."

There's nothing hypocritical about calling someone out on their hypocrisy. There are many examples of Palin's: saying her daughter has a 'choice', while campaigning to take that choice away from all the other women in this country is just one example.

"She has her own blend of weird conservative ideology, which apparently does allow for working women at least in politics"

Yep, to allow for working women 'at least in politics' and bash the rest of them because they're dishwashers, WalMart workers etc. leaving their kids in daycare because they can't afford not to work, yes, that is hypocritical. And that has been part of the religious right wing dogma of the Repub party that Palin espouses for a long time.

Maybe they've suddenly changed and working mothers are now a good thing because of Palin? Were they wrong before? If that's the case, maybe an apology is in order to all those working women who have been blamed for all of this society's ills for decades now.