Call me old fashioned, but isn't it a parent's job to teach children how to act like a civilized human being? So yeah, you might expect that your 3 year old will have difficulty not acting like an ape in play school, but shouldn't you still punish them for bad behavior? I'm not advocating violence or medication, but I know when I was fussy as a child my parents made damn sure I knew it was unacceptable so when I could control myself, I did it.

I remember my mom telling me I was tired and crank whenever when I acted up when I was little and that meant I went to B-E-D, which I hated. And I would cry and cry, but since I was tired and cranky, that pretty much put me to sleep and I'd wake up refreshed and ready to get into more trouble. Even if it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Granted, my parents sacrificed their marriage pretty much to ensure I only spent an hour a day with a baby sitter. (Mom worked nights and dad worked days.)

I think that a lot of pressure is placed on parents by schools that don't know how to handle children who are not in the "norm". This norm is based off school standards but is applied differently by different teachers so the results are never the same. I do agree with you and that is children need to have set boundaries or they do run the risk of running wild. I find myself being harder on my sons because the school is always complaining that they don't sit still for 8 hours a day at age 5. What this means to me is there needs to be good boundaries but there also needs to be flexibility as well. I truly understand your parents because I work weekends and my wife works the weekdays. We do not spend a lot of time together as we would wish. People would think we are being selfish but what is the point of paying someone else to raise our children? In this world parents have to work hard to provide not luxury, but basic items for survival such as food and shelter. I don't know how you feel about your parents work schedule but my hope is my children will understand that we wanted at least one of us with our kids at all times while they grew up.

You should not punish your children or any children based on your egocentric beliefs. The fact is each child is different, if Kyle can sit for 10 hours in daycare that’s fine, but if Kahn can only sit for 2 hours should he be punished? Absolutely not, because it was your belief that caused the expectation, that Kahn should do things he is not yet capable of, therefore the child is being punished because of your belief system not because he was misbehaved.

Now, do you honestly believe you were tired as a child, or was it your crying and fit throwing to dispute your mom's belief that actually caused you to sleep?

Sometimes children are just cranky, and they need to be taken out doors to occupy the mind in a serene atmosphere. Sometimes adults preserve a child as cranky because the child’s needs don’t fit into their own personal agenda.

As a mother of 4 imperfect and different children, I have to agree with the study, it is not the child but the expectations that are unrealistic of the child.

And some children need ball gags manacles and hand cuffs to behave. Funny,

so do their parents.

If you love your children, you want to be the person that lets them know the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Better someone that loves them teaches them the way to go than someone who doesn't love them. You can be sure that the rest of society doesn't really care that you think your child is just being an individual. Further, the behaviors, attitudes and assumptions that are begun in toddler to early elementary years will impact upon the child's success later on in life. This is not to say that society's demands should always be met at the expense of your child, but it is to say that if you can't be objective about the skills and behaviors that your child will need to have in place for successful transition through school and life then you better have a lot of money. With a lot of money you can insure that your child can win the game with or without the skill to play... Otherwise, pony up with some socialization, mommy.

I am working off the assumption that the parents in this fray want their children to grow up to be employable, or even to start their own businesses someday. If that does not apply to you, then of course what I am going to say does not either. But for those of you who it does apply . . .

In order to succeed in our capitalist society, you have to be able to provide some sort of good or service that other people value highly enough to actually pay you for out of their own scarce, hard earned dollars. The better a job you do at meeting the needs of and fulfilling the expectations of others, the more financially successful you have the capacity to become.

So it stands to reason that the sooner you start teaching your kids the value of fulfilling the expectations of others in their work setting (and school is your kids' work) the better a job you are doing of setting your kids up for financial success.

Does there need to be balance? Undoubtedly. Do you need to teach your kids to pursue their dreams? Of course. Should your children discover what they love and then make a career out of it? That would be great.

But even your dreamest of dream jobs is going to have substantial doses of work that needs to be done whether you want to or not, on your customer's timeframe, not yours. That is life.