Laura Shapiro’s lack of admiration for Mrs. Post’s heritage says more about her ignorance of the benefits of a more genteel era than it does about the value of the standards of behavior Emily Post propounded. Certainly from the stand-point of 2008, Emily Post’s etiquette can seem dated, but I submit this due to almost 40 years of in-your-face vulgarity, rudeness, and obscenity, which has thoroughly eroded a key part of an identity that was intrinsic to Americans until the break of the 1960’s.

I’d also point out that societies such as Japan have become modern without abandoning useful distinctions of behavior depending on circumstances – unlike today’s Americans who ignorantly assume that ‘casual’ dress, speech, and manners are always good. The Japanese (and many other cultures) are still aware of the value of formality. They would understand that Mrs. Post’s ability to play a different role depending on the circumstances (her going arm-in-arm with her maid to the movies, but eating her supper separately in the formal dining room) reflects a deftness & subtlety of behavior which has disappeared in the US. Maintaining appearances – even when personally painful – was part of what made the US a kinder, more-civilized place.

Fair enough, but have you been to Japan, as a woman...and tried to live there under their societal rules...as a woman?

Somehow, Mr. Graves, I doubt it.

The price that Japan pays for keeping the trappings of a more genteel era and traditional mores along with modernization is that 50% (give or take) of the population is, basically, oppressed. You can argue that life as a typical Japanese woman is better than that of a typical Japanese man - I wouldn't want to be a salaryman either - but still.

Thomas,

My mind started to agree with you until the second paragraph. I must say that I find some comfort in adding a dash of 'genteel" to every aspect of my life. However, I have to admit that as a woman, 'the good old days' did include a measure of life difficulties. It appears that one cannot be completely objective on the issue if one's gender is of the female persuasion.

Graves- my grandfather was an Irish Engineer- Alphaeus Coleman Graves. His father immigrated to Ghana and started a sand and stone quarry that is quite successful. I myself am an US Inventor. I have been 'casually' looking for family for over 20 years. Peter Graves says he is not related. Are you?

Thomas Graves:

The Japanese (and many other cultures) are still aware of the value of formality. They would understand that Mrs. Post’s ability to play a different role depending on the circumstances (her going arm-in-arm with her maid to the movies, but eating her supper separately in the formal dining room) reflects a deftness & subtlety of behavior which has disappeared in the US. Maintaining appearances – even when personally painful – was part of what made the US a kinder, more-civilized place.

I'm sorry, I'm at a loss as to what you would suppose the human value of this particular example is. What lofty principle is being upheld by Emily Post considering herself above dining with the woman she'd just gone to the movies with? What admirable trait is being exemplified by such whimsical segregation? How would such behavior - "we don't eat with the help, but we go to the movies with them" - make the U.S. kinder or more civilized?