When I worked in a Louisiana abortion clinic ten or so years ago, we did ultrasounds to get an accurate estimate of gestational age, since most women aren't exactly sure when they conceived. There are different methods for different gestational ages so it makes sense for a doctor to want to know what he's dealing with before the actual procedure.

75% of the time we were measuring a pregnancy sac because the embryo was too small to be reliably measured or even detected. 0% of the time did a woman run screaming from the room that she had seen the light and could not possibly go through with it. So nice try, but women do in fact have actual brains, and they know that being pregnant means you have an embryo or fetus in your womb. We're all clear on that, thanks.

We had the even more paternalistic (and prohibitive for poor women who had to come in from out of town) 24-hour waiting period between the initial assessment and the termination procedure, and we very rarely had anyone change their minds in between. So knock yourselves out, waste time and paperwork if you must, but the net result will probably just be that abortions will become more expensive, so great, a woman who doesn't have $400 for an abortion will now have a much more expensive pregnancy and an exponentially more expensive child.

This has never been about actual children. If it were, these same people who are so desperate to save the fetuses wouldn't immediately cry "socialism" when any attempt is made to provide welfare assistance for the resulting infant.

Anybody who genuinely wants to save innocent babies should leave these women alone and adopt a couple of minority foster kids.

I respectfully disagree. Those who cry "socialism" when assistance could be made available to women, by and large, are the very persons who are against abortion. And, by the way, there are many of us who would LOVE to adopt these children and/or foster these children - but they'd actually have to be brought into the world to do that. A dear friend of mine and her husband of 9 years - both elementary school teachers - have been waiting 6 YEARS to adopt a child of any age, race, gender, health or religious background. Still, no child. Maybe if adoption were easier - and follow-ups to those adoptions were better, there would be acceptable solutions for both sides of the issue.

I'm thinking of the vocal Christian right, who tend to vote Republican and tend to be anti-abortion and also anti-welfare (no "spreading the wealth" etc). It's the inconsistent ideology that bothers me; my mom is anti-abortion, pro-welfare, and anti-war, so while we disagree on abortion, I do respect that her position is truly pro-life and not just pro-pregnancy. That's not the case with, for example, Sarah Palin.

We pretty much all agree that every child born should be a wanted child. Preventing unwanted pregnancy is the ideal, of course, but at the very least, making the adoption process *less* ridiculously bureaucratic for people like your friends would make much more sense than making the abortion process *more* ridiculously bureaucratic for women who are already making a difficult decision.

Loula,

Why do you characterize the choice to have an abortion as a difficult decision? What types of observations do you have from the time that you spent in a clinic?

Thanks for your insights...

Thanks for your post, Loula. It explains some of the reasons women have abortions, and why simply deciding not to isn't an easy decision.

I had an abortion in a LA clinic 9 years ago. I was raped by a male acquaintance, and ended up pregnant. The thought of carrying the pregnancy to term was unbearable to me at the time, and the fact that I had no health insurance and a job that wouldn't have been managable while pregnant (even if they had allowed me to continue working, which was doubtful) only reinforced my decision to terminate. Still, it was a terribly difficult time in my life. I was numb from the combination of my emotions. Having to watch a "how to make your decision" video, view my ultrasound (which they printed out for me for some reason), and then wait 24 hours for the procedure only served to compound my anguish, but did nothing to change my mind. It was unfathomable to me that I would be able to carry a pregnancy, and who would have paid for it? Or employed me? Or all these other questions...if someone had been able to step in and give me these answers, maybe I would have made another decision. But watching a video and looking at an ultrasound? These were not the comforts (or disturbers, if that's what they are intended to be) that I needed.

And to the poster who is irate over his/her friends being unable to adopt - tell them to GET A NEW AGENCY. Or become a foster parent. My sister just adopted a 6 year old boy out of foster care. She's single and makes $30k/yr, but was able to get on Ohio's foster care parent list in less than a month. Within 2 weeks, she had a 2 year old boy, and now she's adopted him. Let's be realistic here - when women carry their pregnancies to term, it's an incredibly challenging decision to give them up for adoption. Many keep their babies, though they are ill-equipped and unprepared to be parents. Within a year, many of these children will land in the foster care system, as was the case with my nephew. It's wonderful to think that if abortion is illegal there will a) be no more abortions (obviously not going to happen, as history and current culture around the world demonstrates) and b) all mothers will give their newborns up for adoption and they will find happy homes immediately. But the reality indicates otherwise, and there are literally millions of kids, ages 1 - 16 years waiting for someone to give them a home.

Great post Loula! A sensible, measured, and honest assessment from someone who actually KNOWS what they're talking about.

espy25:

And, by the way, there are many of us who would LOVE to adopt these children and/or foster these children - but they'd actually have to be brought into the world to do that. A dear friend of mine and her husband of 9 years - both elementary school teachers - have been waiting 6 YEARS to adopt a child of any age, race, gender, health or religious background. Still, no child. Maybe if adoption were easier - and follow-ups to those adoptions were better, there would be acceptable solutions for both sides of the issue.

Where I live, our foster system is incredibly backlogged and there are way more children available than parents who can adopt. It's quite sad but our Sunday paper focuses on a different child each week who wants nothing more than be adopted.

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I have a good friend who is a social worker. According to her, unless the child up for an adoption is a white baby who is neither disabled nor drug addicted, the actual likelihood of adoption is near zero. The vast majority of unwanted children (I know it's a terrible term) will spend their childhood being bumped from foster home to foster home.

Look, I know what being different, rejection, and depression are. Fortunately I do not know what it is like to be unwanted by my parents (except for Dad working late either accidentally or conveniently, a possible Asperger symptom, I am confirmed as such). The kids might never be adopted by any adult, ever, to age 18. Does that mean they are better off dead? Maybe some of them will try suicide. Maybe they will succeed. Does that mean Mom should have had an abortion, or could she have been wrong? Nobody ever knows for sure what the answer is going to be. I once thought I messed up my career irreparably bad. No, but I had to change careers. You just never know how things are going to turn out, and killing either oneself or someone else is probably not the answer (unless someone is dying and in pain).

Mom had trouble having a child, and said adoption was hard. She said the adoption process was a bureaucratic nightmare and therefore she and Dad were not going to consider that option. It took 10 years and four miscarriages to have me, and then my brother two and a half years later. There seem to be no questions asked about women having their own babies, few questions asked about how they raise them (until it is too late), and certainly no questions about abortion.

I completely agree with you here. It infuriates me that "pro-life" activists have a definition of "life" that has such a narrow timespan, nine months before the child is actually born. When it comes to the child's ACTUAL life, where are these people? Do they rally for improved inner city schools, more fruit and veggie food stamps for single mothers for their children? Do they regularly volunteer to mentor children that desperately need more guidance because their mothers and fathers are working two jobs to keep food on the table? No. The majority are perfectly happy to protect the fetus until it arrives in the world, and then leave the bedside table as soon as the umbilical cord begins to dry out. That's not protecting a child's life....that would be something different, that granted, a few charities and brave people do try to do in our inner cities every day.

You are so RIGHT! Wow, awesome post. I cannot tell you how many times the people who say, "dont have an abortion" are the same people who evaporate when the child is born. If you are going to force women to have unwanted children, you ought to step up with your wallet, because of the social costs involved. Put your money where you mouth is...

My mom has devoted her life to babies. She works with underprivileged parents who are struggling with babies with various birth defects and failures to thrive. She is pro choice through and through.

If we are TRULY devoted, like my mother, to a culture of life, we must focus on the social ills that lead to abortion... we must focus on education, birth control, improved care for unwanted children...

But the truth is, its sooo much easier just to vote to take the right away than it is to be part of the solution....

And of course, I admit, i did have an abortion myself at 19. I saw the fetus on the ultrasound before hand. They did it deliberately in the hopes I would change my mind. I didn't. I am not mad at the doctors for doing it. But ANYONE who thinks that someone makes the choice to end the pregnancy lightly needs to walk a mile in my shoes. For seven years afterwards I could not discuss the issue without crying. it hurt then, it hurts today. I have a daughter and I pray she NEVER has to make the choice, but I sure as **** won't take the choice away from her.

Loula makes a great point. I've always been pro-life, but it wasn't until I had my fourth child that it occurred to me that it was legal to terminate his life just months before that moment. I think somehow it had always been an intellectual discussion about when a person becomes a person--after that moment, it became a personal and passionate issue to me. The next thing I've had to come face to face with is how little my message came to terms with the other real people involved in the issues--the women involved and the children who are given a chance at life. I have been so convicted of my own selfishness. I didn't want to pay the cost to love and care for everyone involved in this process. While I don't think more welfare is the answer, my conviction is growing that we "conservative, right-wingers" need to up our willingness to be part of the solution. My husband and I are now planning to adopt one or two kids. But I must admit, I'm afraid.

Whether it is the issue of life or the issue of choice or the issue of poverty or any other major challenge America faces, we are all going to all have to step outside of our little controlled comfortable lives (including me) and be a part of the solution. Americans need to "love thy neighbor" more--whether it be a pregnant woman who is anguishing in her decision about continuing her pregnancy, or the woman who has the crazy courage to carry a child to term, or to care for a child who is given a chance to life, or for the poor who live across town or right next door. When America lives selfish--America dies. That is just as much true for Corporate big-wigs as it is for Joe the Plumbers.

Loula, thank you for speaking out. I feel stirred and convicted and extremely hopeful that change can and must come to America--and not just from our newly elected President. Change must happen in all our hearts.

and the expense of having a Child is too much for the Poor to bear, then the Poor should be injected with a Birth Control Device..... one which can be removed once the Poor become, well, not so poor.

Problem solved.

"A dear friend of mine and her husband of 9 years - both elementary school teachers - have been waiting 6 YEARS to adopt a child of any age, race, gender, health or religious background. Still, no child."

The first thing that crosses my mind is: "Where the heck have they been looking? Antarctica?" Having been a social worker myself, I know that there are all kinds of children waiting for adoption, and so I suspect that few details have been left out.