There are many people who are talking about splitting the check, the fact that some restaurants don't do this, and the best way to navigate these types of situations. As a server who has served more of these types of dinners than I care to, I just thought I'd put in my two cents.

The fact is, with most big groups people normally split appetizers. They normally split bottles of wine as well. And when people start ordering birthday drinks for the birthday person, they "share" the cost of those too. Which makes it pretty much impossible to keep everyone's tabs apart - what are we supposed to do, create a charge for someone who ate 2 pieces of shrimp and had 2 oz of wine? This is why the generic one check rule has come in, especially because in large groups the obnoxious factor is almost unbearably large and everyone has their own way of handling these situations - as is obvious and pointed out in the article.

I get the annoyance of these things - both as a customer and as a server who deals with them (and for the record, not every restaurant allows an automatic 18% tip. Just an FYI - don't stiff your waiter just cause your friends did!). My point is that the way the writer's friend negoticated a separate tab tugged at my empty wallet server heartstrings - and I realized I would have separated the tab for him if he had pulled me aside, explained that these people were highrollers and he was a grad student who couldn't really afford the luxuries they ordered, and would I mind terribly putting his order on a separate tab? Especially if he was nice. If you're nice, you can get servers to do things they otherwise wouldn't do. Just as you give a server a great tip if they're friendly and efficient, as a server you're especially indulgent to a table who is nice and understanding.

So to the writer, please let me share one more way of navigating these types of situations. Bring cash, add up the total of what you ordered (and the amount you want to pitch in for the birthday person) in your head before - including tax and tip - and throw down your money as soon as the bill comes. Say, "Ok guys, gotta go. Here's my portion, with a little extra to cover the birthday boy". Excuse yourself, go over to the birthday boy, and while you're chatting away with him, the rest can squabble over the rest of the bill.

The early departure trick is how I have always managed the situation. It helps that I'm known to be very busy and I wake up earlier than most of my friends, so no one can fault my excuse for leaving early. I have a wide circle of friends and because of that I find myself at quite a few birthday dinners. It is somewhat annoying to be seated next to peripheral acquaintances but I have actually developed a few very good friendships this way.

Show of hands-- how many of have been at a larger group dinner and the "early leaver" (EL for short) forgets to calculate the 8% tax (leaving his tip at 12% even though 18% is calc'ed in already)? Or forgets about that second beer they ordered? Or chows on apps but doesnt contribute? Or decides they are above contributing to the birthday boy's part like everyone else (of course the bday boy *thinks* they contributed, and nobody is to rude to point out otherwise)? Or, my favorite-- all of the above!

I've been one of those check counters numberous times-- and the server should be thanking me because the server would get seriously stiffed. I am there kicking in the extra 10-20% of EL's contribution because I happen to be the type who seriously cannot stand stiffing the server. And I am NOT the wealthy one at the table (i am not usually carrying that kind of cash, coincidentally, either). So it may seem like a great suggestion, gyps808, but only because there are people like me picking up the slack of people like them.

The concept itself is rude-- leaving others to deal with what you don't want to. Because others really *enjoy* that part of the evening? Please. And if you follow this suggestion to the logical end, everyone would just drop cash and run as soon the check arrives. (I have seen this happen too. Fairly funny. Except that it adds up to a 0% tip half the time)

And to EL: don't think people aren't cursing your name at the table or appraising your cheapness on their drive home. Congratulations on freeing yourself from the rest of the social obligation these dinners necessarily present. Do the rest of us a favor, and either get a separate check or go the 'puerto rico' route (but remember drinks are taxed too, ok?). Otherwise, sit it out with the rest of us poor souls. If you MUST do the EL, then calculate your total, be generous, and THEN ADD ANOTHER 10-15% additional to that. Because after a long night and a couple drinks, i am pretty sure youve done some bad math in your head. I should know-- i've counted your contribution too many times.

As for myself, there are certain friends-of-friends i will never go to dinner with again because of pulling this stunt. My motto is, when in doubt, just bow out (of the dinner invite, that is-- not your bill!).

I think that if I had "friends" like you saying nasty things about others on the way anywhere, I wouldn't be socializing with you or your crowd. Large groups of diners with no direct planning are nothing more than a pain in the ass for most of the guests as well as the servers, the management and the kitchen.

As I said above, no adult is in the Chuck E. Cheese "invite the whole class" mode, or they shouldn't be. If you know for a fact that some of the people invited can't afford to eat at the venue, then change venues and don't get snotty about the bill.

Oh, dear, no one said anything about not being able to afford eating there. I think the article's author's main point-- just don't go to those dinners-- is the best one. In my sadly long experience with this phenomenon, the early departers have been, as often as not, the most capable of the crowd to afford the meal. And as often as not, it is the least capable of paying that gets left holding the count (ahem)-- maybe because they care more about the server getting paid (or don't carry quite that kind of cash). If one doesn't care if the server gets stiffed, or if one doesn't care to check whether one actually ponied up one's actual share, then by all means leave early, and leave it to the riff-raff whom one has deemed 'more capable' of paying and covering any math mistakes one might have made. The upshot is, you live and learn and don't go to group dinners with people who don't follow the 'unspoken' group dinner rules: 1. order with the crowd and split the bill evenly. 2. if you want something more or less than the crown adust accordingly from the even split (ie. my meal was about $10 dollars less because i didnt have drinks... my meal was $10 more because i got seafood), and basically let the rest wash. Actual friends can do this with ease, and it is a painless ending to an evening. Inevitable if someone tries to calculate 'just their own', the bill always ends up short.

In the case of the original article writer, I *can* see some point in doing the 'cash drop-- early depart', since there wasnt any sort of understanding about acceptable spending among these 'sort-of' acquaintances. And the only thing "nastier" than people comiserating about getting stuck with someone else's bill, is actually sticking your "friends" (or practical strangers, for that matter) with part of your actual bill. Get a separate bill, don't go, just drink, whatever-- but don't EL unless you have got a really really really great reason to. And don't think people won't notice.

It is absolutely unacceptable behavior to sit at a table in a restaurant bitching and whining about the fact that YOUR entree was three dollars less than someone else's. The only way bill-splitting really works is if no more than three people plop their cards on the table and the bill is split evenly. Period. NEVER use cash. NEVER waste the server's and the restaurant's time on this quibbling bullshit and if you can't pay the freight, get off the train.

Also take note that each credit card transaction has to be paid for by the restaurant. This is why many of them won't split a bill more than two or three ways. If you're planning on doing this, then you must increase the tip by 5 to 6%.

While I'm in favor of mannerly behavoir as much as the next person: "wasting the server's and the restaurant's time?" WTF? Am I paying for their time and attention, or was dinner and service free and just out of the goodness of their heart?

And credit card transaction fees: cost of doing business. Has nothing whatsoever to do with the server's tip.