and how you can't go to one these days without paying exorbitant amounts for travel, staying at the upscale hotel, going to all the meals (yeah, you get the reception paid for - whoopedidoo), and buying the predetermined gift at the store of choice. All that so you can sit at the table with people you don't know, and say three words to the couple (Congratulations, good luck). Factor in the bachelor party in Vegas or New Orleans (because God forbid you just go to a bar or club in your own town) and you've got a nice down payment on a house. Better hope you've already had your own wedding, or you won't be able to afford one.

Can't wait for the responses telling me what a heartless douche I am.

I completely agree - I'm getting married in May and absolutely refuse to put my guests through what I hate about everyone else's wedding. Small, on the beach, and you're not allowed to buy special clothing for the event. And yes, I'll be checking.

i completely agree! I dread attending weddings. My group of friends is large. Some are bankers. Some are corporate lawyers. i work in government and my parents don't support me. At the age of 32, some friends are still being floated by their parents.

The weddings generally involve travelling to a remote, inconvenient location. Lodging, even if you share a hotel room, is very expensive and not comfortable (Example: Royal Scandnavian Inn, Solvang, California...a Danish replica village with multiple windmills and giant clogs). The weddings take place over a number of days. Prior to the wedding, you have the dreaded bachelorette weekend. Usually the bachelorette weekend also involves travelling to an exotic location and expensive lodging-- for some reason desert locations in the heat of summer are a popular choice. The total cost of the attending the bachelorette weekend and the wedding is usually in the range of $2,000.

Recently I have wised-up. Much to the chagrin of my group of friends, I have decided that I can't attend a wedding that will be taking place on a Friday at 6:00 p.m. in NY. I live in SF. Apparently, even if the bride understands why you can't attend, your other friends like to make you feel like you are a bad person who is about to commit an unforgiveable act. We'll see how this goes...not sure what the social fallout will be.

I don't think that's douchy at all!

This last summer I was invited to a wedding almost every weekend. And, of course, most were local destination weddings that required travel (some by air), hotel stays, rental cars, etc. In the interest of not going broke to celebrate everyone's marriages, my husband and I had to pick and choose. I was a bridesmaid in a couple of the weddings, and with the $300.00 bridesmaid dresses that will never be worn again, I spent quite a bit to be a part of my friends' weddings. I am in no way saying that I was not honored to be a part of these events, but I was secretly happy when the Las Vegas bachlorette weekend party plans conflicted with my already scheduled vacation plans.

I have adopted an unspoken rule that if the wedding is out of town, I do not send a wedding gift. Hey - everyone always says "your presence is my present", I am just holding them to that.

Whatever happened to getting married in the city in which you live? Really, I live in Seattle, and there are tons of fabulous places to get married here.

I fail to see why this is a problem. If you can't afford it, don't go. If the person in question is angry over that, then they weren't much of a friend and you're better off not having them in your social circle.

Ooh, what compelling reading that would be. Then you can write a series of books about those weddings, and those birthdays, and throw a few anecdotes about office politics, shop for some shoes and you've invented chick lit.