This redneck was riding down the road and came on a big sign in front of a cafe saying sale today LODSTER TAIL AND BEER .The redneck said oh boy my three faverite things.

A professor at University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.



Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided
to lighten the mood slightly.



He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know
what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'



She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

The Dead Donkey Scam

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, You can't raffle off! a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works for the government.

rus

take care of yourself and yours

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby Cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose Funeral is it?'

'My wife's'

'What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

'Get in the line.'

Old Age Marraige Proposal
>
> -------------------------
> An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village.
> They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the
same
> jokes, and find pleasure in each other's company.
>
> After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in
> marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a
> little.
>
> "Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but...
How's your
> health?"
>
> "It's OK", he answers. "I'm not getting any
younger, but I don't have any
> major health problems. I can still enjoy life".
>
> "Well, then", she replies "I don't want to be a snoop,
but I've got to
> protect myself: how are you fixed financially?"
>
> "So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have
to worry about
> me sponging off you; I can support myself".
>
> The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain - "And
how's your
> sex life...."
>
> "Infrequently", he declares.
>
> The widow ponders this for a moment or so, before asking... "And is
that
> one word or two?
>

Thank you Mars4..It's been a long 3 mos. but things are beginning to improve. Say a prayer for us.

"The State Department released a memo saying terrorism has gone down. It turns out, the only reason they came up with that information is because of a mathematical error. A mathematical error, isn't that how Bush became president?" —David Letterman