Give him a free pass? For what? Being inconsiderate and selfish!!

He did have another option you know, he could have phoned his wife before accepting the ticket. He knew their anniversary was coming up, he could have phoned her to make sure there was no conflict. By the way, he should have done that anyway. Before somebody goes off on the whole, "That's controlling!" or "He doesn't need to ask permission." rant, it's not controlling and it's not asking permission. In a mature, adult relationship it's called CONSIDERATION! My significant other and I always run things by eachother because we have respect for eachother. I've always believed it's the little things that matter and speak volumes about a persons character. The LW didn't say so but I'd bet it's not the first time he's put his wants before his families. By the way, I think it's odd for grown men to be so obsessed with a game. I dated a football fanatic for several years. His obsession with the game definitely interfered with our relationship. When you will choose a football game over participating in real life, you've got a problem. Let's remember, it's just men running around chasing a ball for God's sake!!

What type of real fan gets married during football season?

JayKay, football isn't a soap opera on TV. It actually is happening in real life. The people he would see at the game would be real as well, and the alcohol and food he would ingest would be real as well. And since you probably don't know how giving tickets away works, if he can't immediately get ahold of his wife and waits to hear back, the ticket is probably going to be given to someone else. And if he has to call before getting the ticket, then either it is asking permission or there is no reason to do it beforehand. Granted in this case, if he forgot about an already scheduled conflict, then it is entirely his fault for not remembering.

Yes, I'm quite aware that football isn't a soap opera (I don't watch soap opera's either by the way). Drinking beer, sitting in front of the t.v. and yelling at it is not real life! I would venture a guess that very few of the games most sports fan's see are in the stadium! As I said previously it's not asking permission. If you believe that it's asking permission you probably don't view your wife as an equal or your marriage as a partnership. It amazes me how many men think they are not male chauvinists but still hold on to these ridiculous beliefs. If men were more confident and secure they wouldn't feel the constant need to prove how "manly" they are!

First, most fans don't view games in stadiums because (1) the stadiums don't seat hundreds of thousands (yet) and (2) most sporting events are priced too high for the average family to attend.

That is however neither here or there. Out of consideration, as you stated, he should check with his wife. If he is required to check with his wife, that is something else. I've known couples with one spouse who constantly "checks in," but has to because the other is always scheduling things without checking.

And I'll agree with other readers - such an important event requires planning. If it is barely brought up (as seems to have been the case), he may have mistakenly thought there was a change in plans. It sounds like there was no discussion beyond picking a date and seeing if a sitter was available.

Rapple, you're on to something. As a married sports fan, sometimes getting invited to attend a sporting event with a buddy creates more anxiety than fun. Plans with the wife are made weeks/months in advance. Plans with a buddy happen at 1pm for a 7pm ball game.

If you have plans with someone and something comes up, you are obligated by manners to check with the other person before unilaterally canceling those plans. If it's a ticket, you say yes, take the ticket, and then give your regrets if you can't go... as this certainly sounds like it wasn't a "day of" football ticket. But here's the thing: if you're in a relationship, and someone is anticipating an event, don't cancel on them, even for great tickets at a great game. It would be one thing if it was just their monthly date night, but for a ten year anniversary you should be able to enjoy yourself celebrating, not making your partner feel bad either for putting the damper on telling you to give up the ticket or for feeling like you don't want to celebrate with her.

JayKay62969:

He did have another option you know, he could have phoned his wife before accepting the ticket. He knew their anniversary was coming up, he could have phoned her to make sure there was no conflict. By the way, he should have done that anyway. Before somebody goes off on the whole, "That's controlling!" or "He doesn't need to ask permission." rant, it's not controlling and it's not asking permission. In a mature, adult relationship it's called CONSIDERATION!

What, he's incapable of carrying a calendar or electronic scheduler, and looking it up himself? If she'd made definite plans, he'd probably have noted it. If he doesn't "do" calendars, then after 10 years, she should know this.

She's his wife, not his social secretary. Although, if it were me, I'd have said, "Oh, cool! That was nice of him to give you a ticket. Enjoy the game. We'll go somewhere the next weekend, instead." And then made plans to go.

rapple37:

JayKay, football isn't a soap opera on TV. It actually is happening in real life. The people he would see at the game would be real as well, and the alcohol and food he would ingest would be real as well. And since you probably don't know how giving tickets away works, if he can't immediately get ahold of his wife and waits to hear back, the ticket is probably going to be given to someone else.

And what a tragedy that would be. Heavens forfend that anyone should put courtesy to their S.O. ahead of something as important as a football game.

But I have to admit having zero interest in watching sports and still thinking the LW should get over it and plan for their anniversary celebration the next weekend or something - after all, is the exact day the point, or is celebrating their affection (and tolerance) for each other the point?

First off, he may not have remembered the anniversary the way you are shrlly certain he did. Sounds like you still carry emo baggage from the sports fan relationship you had. Men don't operate the same way we do. It doesn't mean he cherishes her any less, he just didn't think of it. And she *can* compromise you know. Both of them can--I sure wouldn't punish any man that stuck with me for 10 years by pouting the whole time he's going to/watching the game.

Call me idealistic, call me unmarried, call me inexperienced, call me naive (actually, that's the same as inexperienced), but as much as I like football, when I get married I hope that I will love my wife enough to put her before anything...anything. In most relationships I've been in, I've been willing to drop what I was doing just for the chance to talk with her, to be with her. Am impractical in believing that such a feeling should never die out during a marriage? Am I seriously the only man who would have politely turned down the ticket saying, "Thanks, but my wife and I are celebrating our anniversary that weekend"?

To me it's not about the wife being understanding or the fact they're celebrating their love for each other as opposed to a particular date. Nor is it about being courteous and keeping plans that you've made with someone--though I do hate flaky people who back out at the last minute. It's about having priorities in your life. Sports come and go, but hopefully your marriage will stay put. Now I'm not saying that if I ever get a chance to go to the Super Bowl or visit the Hall of Fame it won't be hard to turn down (though it doesn't sound like the LW's husband was going to either, just an ordinary football game), but while I hope that my wife will be someone selfless and understanding enough to be willing to reschedule our plans, I hope I'm able to put things into the proper perspective so she won't have to be sefless and understanding.

Now for you hardcore sports fans who say it's more than a game, let me put it into perspective for you by quoting from the movie Fever Pitch: "You love the Red Sox, but have they ever loved you back?"

I'll tell you one thing, when I get married, I would hope having sex--or simply holding hands with my wife--will be way more satisfying than planting my butt on a hard-backed seat for three hours while the guy next to me spills beer and peanuts all over the place every time the home team scores. And yes, I have been to several professional sporting events. My favorite would be the San Francisco Giants game I went to with my family as a teenager. I loved everything there, from the sun shining against my back at the perfect California temperature, to the grass being greener than anything I have ever seen here in Utah, to the fact that I actually got to see Barry Bonds play and have a Giants cap to remember the event. But I'm hoping my marriage will offer more than anything Barry Bonds or the Giants could ever give.

Boy is it just sports that you all are so against or is any hobby out the question? Should couples just sit around staring into each other's eyes for the rest of their lives?

What would you all say if instead of a football game, this was say a music recital? What if they were supposed to participate in the recital? What if it was a play that only came to town once a year (think Wicked tickets)?

I don't care for sports either but I strongly believe that both parts of a couple should have outside interests and hobbies. And, unfortunately, outside interests and hobbies will occasionally conflict with the inside priorities. Couples have to maintain the balance though or they quickly become dysfunctional.

paradisefound:

But here's the thing: if you're in a relationship, and someone is anticipating an event, don't cancel on them, even for great tickets at a great game.

But there is no reason that these two things have to be exclusive. They didn't have concrete plans as no reservations have been made. So it would be very simple for him to go to the game and for them to have a weekend away celebrating their 10th aniversary on different weekends.

Nemp:

Call me idealistic, call me unmarried, call me inexperienced, call me naive (actually, that's the same as inexperienced), but as much as I like football, when I get married I hope that I will love my wife enough to put her before anything...anything. In most relationships I've been in, I've been willing to drop what I was doing just for the chance to talk with her, to be with her. Am impractical in believing that such a feeling should never die out during a marriage?

I'd say a little idealistic and naive, yes. Your spouse should be one of your main priorities, but putting them before anything? When you start considering the demands of career and children, that's just not realistic.

Personally, I think being willing to drop whatever you're doing just to talk to someone is a little unhealthy. Even in a relationship, everyone needs their own space and their own hobbies. It doesn't mean your significant other isn't your main priority, it just means they aren't your main priority every second of every day.

Nemp:

In most relationships I've been in, I've been willing to drop what I was doing just for the chance to talk with her, to be with her. Am impractical in believing that such a feeling should never die out during a marriage?

Yes, because that gets old real fast. People want a spouse who has his or her own life as well as their joint life. It makes things more interesting and makes time together much better. Having this sort of 24/7 attention becomes stressful.

Nemp:

I'll tell you one thing, when I get married, I would hope having sex--or simply holding hands with my wife--will be way more satisfying than planting my butt on a hard-backed seat for three hours while the guy next to me spills beer and peanuts all over the place every time the home team scores.

You talk about it like it is exclusive. I like to hold hands with my husband (amoung other things, but let's keep our G rating), but I also enjoy other activities as well. Moderation is the key to all things.